


Don't tell me... [that you love me]

by the_reaper666



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, BAMF Bucky Barnes, Brock is a good guy, M/M, No idea what I'm doing, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Protective Bucky Barnes, Rescue party, Torture, hydra tony, protective Brock Rumlow
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-23
Updated: 2016-09-16
Packaged: 2018-07-16 21:28:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 42,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7285384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_reaper666/pseuds/the_reaper666
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if Tony's plane crashed in middle of nowhere and got in hands of HYDRA?<br/>Was it just an accident or another betrayal?</p><p><em>A simple story about Tony Stark after the Civil War events. Starting from loneliness, to helping others, ending up with HYDRA, and then...</em><br/> </p><p>I'll be trying to post a new chapter every week :)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> First fic so spare me ^-^

"Where's the Asset?!"  
Silence. Two men and a woman in white clothes – probably sciencists – stood in front of a man wrapped in black, huge hood hiding his face.  


"Where is **HE**?!," one of them screamed. Voice echoed throughout the room. The woman looked around, shaking her head casually. It was terribly dim, the air surrounded by a disgusting moisture. They stood in front of a steel chamber with iron belts which released cold fog. Cryogenic chamber. Beside it was a mass of computers and the wall behind it bore a sign of HYDRA.  


"You lost him? He ran away? What the fuck happened here?," she asked calmly checking the cryo's belts. Those were ripped apart. Someone must have used all their strength to do this.  


"…"  


"For fuck sake, _Rumlow_! How could you let this happen?! It's the _second_ time! Second time we're losing the Asset! What the fuck is wrong with you?! We told you to keep an eye on him! He was unstable!"  


"He didn't run, he was too loyal for this. He was put down to sleep and little frozen... Someone took him. The cameras were damaged, I went to check on it and when I came back he wasn't here anymore." the man in black answered "I thought he would be safe. Five our agents were watching over him."  


"There was no wipe. Can I ask why? We planned this on yesterday. The last happened more than a month ago, too long break."  


"I've thought it won't be necessary. He's **MY** Asset and I don't want him to end up on The Chair too often."  


"I suggest to _stop_ thinking, Rumlow. It harms you. You're going to get him back, you understand?! **You! Are! Bringing! Him! Back!** "  


"Absolutely."  
When a committee of three scientists left the room, hooded man - Rumlow - bent over the computer's cryogenic panel. He sighed, looking at the inscription ' _no object found._ '  


"I don't know where you are now... but I hope you're safe..." 


	2. ...Now spell Dysphoria

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It all started with a simple SI meeting...
> 
> "When one card falls over, the whole house collapses. And there is no way to get out of the debris. Until someone comes and pull you out"  
> ~ Haruki Murakami

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, correct me if my english is wrong ;)
> 
>  
> 
> It's lot longer than prologue, hope it's not boring tho. Enjoy! :)

**One and a half year earlier _\- New York City -_ **

_. . . Now spell Dysphoria..._

_. . . this is incorrect..._

_. . . the correct spelling for dysphoria is F - O - R - S - A - K - E - N - N - E - S - S *_

So it starts like this... 

The music was so loud that the plaster slowly began to fall from the wall. The lower sliding down the elevator, the greater the noise. The workshop was located in the basement of the Stark Tower. And there you could find the owner of all this mess. Anthony Edward Stark, aka. Iron Man. After the recent events and all this Civil War bullshit, Tony once again threw himself into work. Rarely faced outside unless he really starved or has been forced to participate in SI meetings – which was to take place that evening. This time, however, instead of creating new brands of iron man's armors, he studied nanonerves and perfected them wanting to make something to help his best friend with rehabilitation and full recovery. Speaking of which. James „Rhodey” Rhodes came to the workshop with with a huge pizza box and two cups of steaming coffee. Just as Tony likes. But as he stood in the doorway of the workshop, he almost dropped everything he held. Funny sight. Or rather _terrifying_ , at least for people who didn't know the genius. Tony stood in the middle of the room, between the crumbling floor cables and... was he dancing? It wouldn't be surprising if he didn't dance with his own armor. 

"Tony...?," Rhodey crossed the threshold of the door and took a few steps forwards towards genius. Then he noticed several empty bottles of Scotch on the table and shattered glass on the floor. He drank. And he promised he'll end all this... 

"Rhodey, baby! You're late to the party!," Tony said cheerfully. His bags under the eyes grew bigger, as if he hadn't slept for a week or even more. 

"The event is to begin. You have an SI meeting tonight. And you _must_ to show up to this one. You skipped previous five, and Pepper will tear your head off if u don't show up tonight. 

"Tell her I have no time. I'm busy" 

"Busy what, Tony? Getting drunk? Or dancing with your own armor?," Rhodey sighed, putting a box of pizza and cups of coffee on the table. He took some long forgotten stool and sat down resigned. Something made a clicking sound – steel equipment attached to Rhodey's legs which helped him to move but it was terribly uncomfortable and noisy from time to time. He looked up at Tony as at someone who has lost his mind. 

"I'm celebrating the creation of the first _working_ nanonerve. It's quite complicated, I had to recreate everything from the remains of Cap's friend arm. I took it after the memorable fight in Siberia. I tested it all on my armor's glove. Runs great. I can even feel warm and cold. I'm even able to distinguish the structure under fingers and recognize material, can you believe it? Rhodey, darling, it will help you to get back to full health!." Tony almost jumped with joy. He unsteadily walked toward the other man and reached for a cup of coffee. He drank greedily untill it was empty. Rhodey answered him with the same, goofy smile he received from genius. Tony finally created something he was working on for months. He was proud of him, but also sick worried that Stark neglects himself. He always did. He worked, helped others, worried about everyone, and put himself at the tail end. He never admitted it, but Rhodey could see all of this under the thick cover. People always took Tony as a selfish and arrogant brat, which he obviously was. He was also annoying and cheeky, but deep inside there was a warm, soft heart that could be easily broken. James tried to convince Pepper that tonight's meeting won't work and she should give up this one, last time. She was adamant, said the genius must leave the Tower at once and can't be left alone in workshop this long. To make matters worse, she informed him that _Steve_ will also be on this meeting. Yes, Steve Rogers. Captain fucking America which they fought not so long ago. Apparently he has some important issue for Tony that can't wait much longer. He hasn't called him, knowing well he wouldn't answer. Or answer and immediately cancel the call. So he contacted Pepper. Also asked to not tell Tony anything. Genius was still angry and couldn't get over it. He's trying to hide it, but it doesn't go well. He's lonely, anxious, he feels betrayed. That's why he's working this much, gets drunk and eats little. And when he drinks he does _odd things_. Rhodey looked at the Iron Man's armor that stood next to his creator. "Hmmmm? You want to dance with him too? It's MARK VII, he has some good moves. If he could he would probably became a dancer. But he has too square ass, who would like it?" 

"You'll never change, Tones," Rhodey laughed shoving pizza box under his friend's nose. 

"And that's why you love me!" 

Rhodey made sure that Tony ate half of the pizza and drank his cup of coffee. Before the evening came, Tony was again spectacularly gorgeous, charming guy whose smile is to die for. In front of the building they met Pepper in a beautiful, light blue dress and high heels. She wouldn't be herself if she wouldn't complain about Tony at the very entrance. She didn't notice that the genius is slightly drunk and even if she did, she didn't comment it. Good. One problem down. She straighten his tie and pulled them all inside the building. Rhodey was wearing armor from the waist down, which helped him move until he could stand on his own feet – he refused to use wheelchair so both he, and Tony came up with the idea of using parts of his War Machine armor. At least outside the house. At house he was using moving equipment - that uncomfortable one - and, of course, was going through heavy rehabilitation under the supervision of specialists and Tony himself. They greeted the most important guests, exchanged polite formulas and answered a few questions before Pepper finally led them to their table. She sent them lovely smile which could mean she's going to bring tons of people and give them hard time. Then she brought a few new guys babbling about some technological innovations. Both Rhodey and Tony effectively ignored their arguments, nodding from time to time. They had to at least look like they were listening. After half an hour Rhodey had alcohol with a pink umbrella and Tony received only a glass of water. Probably there is no need to say how _unhappy_ he was, right? Genius looked at his friend with a frown, then he caught the waiter and asked what is the meaning of this. He heard that Miss Potts told everyone to not give him any alcoholic beverages. He saw in the corner of his eye that Rhodey had a strong urge to burst out laughing when he himself signed in resignation and dropped to the back of the couch. When the guests finally left them, the ginger beauty again came out of nowhere, probably to announce that Tony can finally leave this funeral banquet. Rhodey just remembered there is one special guest waiting. Something is about to begin. 

"Pepper, honey. Is that all? What a boring event, I'm not even allowed to drink alcohol. You could at least add some balloons here. And in general, who are those people? The first time I see them. That fat guy is a pure failure, he was drooling when talking and-" 

"You still have one guest, I didn't tell you earlier. Don't hold it against me." she said quickly, thus interrupting what he was trying to say. He shut up. What guest? He looked at her confused. His gaze followed her when she left their table and went to some guy. Familiar guy. Fuck. Captain America himself. In the suit, with a silver and black tie, good hairstyle. Looking like a model from a magazines for teenagers, but it was _him_. Stark rose from his place, wanting to flee from this whole event. Right now he was even ready to flee through sewers. He wasn't ready to meet him yet. Not now. It's still too early. Something grabbed his wrist. Someone. Rhodey. His glance said a lot, but he wanted to be sure. He wanted to hear this. 

"Did you know he would be here?" 

"Pepper informed me this morning. Apparently it's some important matter. I didn't te-" 

"If I knew I wou-" 

"That's why." Rhodey cut him off in mid-sentence. Tony sat back on his place which was no longer as comfortable as several minutes earlier. "Tony, listen. We'll talk with him, we'll have it over and go home." Familiar blonde approached and greeted them. With a nod he took a place in front of genius. There was an awkward silence. Unusual phenomenon - Tony Stark sitting quietly. He was thinking about everything and nothing. Noone told him he's going to meet Steve tonight. Again. Either people are not telling him everything, stuff he should know, or they just simply lie to him. He should get used to it. He was staring at blonde before him blankly, he had nothing to say to him. Why he's even here? Where was he? No. That's not important. He left some phone number to call him, but Tony wasn't ready, was he? And now he comes here out of nowhere... 

"So... what brings you to us?" Rhodey cleared his throat and asked breaking the silence. 

"I need help." Steve replied staring at Tony. Does this guy ever blink? "Tony, I need you." Tony snorted briefly moving his gaze somewhere on the wall but then returned it to Steve. He has a nerve, cheeky bastard. He raised a questioning eyebrow expecting some kind of explanation. He refused to speak yet. He should just kick him out of here, but he will first kindly listen to him, and then kick him out. That's the plan. 

"Tony, I'm sorry. I'm really sorry, I didn't want this all to happen. I didn't want to hurt you." 

"To the point, if you would." 

"I want you to help him. We tried to think of something, but we're stuck in a deadlock," Steve began. For a moment he lowered his head and took a deep breath. Next second he looked straight into the hazel eyes. Hollow eyes. Not showing any emotions right now, no hatred, no acceptance. Nothing. Steve swallowed, he never saw the genius like this. "I know I'm asking for a lot. Maybe too much. But I'll do anything, pay any price. Whatever you want, but I beg you, help him. He's now frozen in Wakanda. I have..." the blonde pulled out a stack of papers from inside his jacket and put them on the table in front of genius who looked uninterested. "...I have all Zola's records, about his work progress, but noone understand anything from it... that Soviet programming journal and codes were sent to you earlier. T'challa said it's best if you keep it. With that Bucky can be fully controlled, but I believe you might be able to deprogram him, discard it... I don't know, Tony, but I'll do anything. Just _please_ , help him." 

"Rhodey, tell the Captain Asshole that if he wants to do anything he can start from _leaving_ this table, then room and building. Right after this he can wrap his ugly snout and get back to where he came from. I'm done. Anyone else up for some muffins?" Tony stood up and wanted to leave when he felt a strange twinge close to his heart. Suddenly terror spread through him. Shrapnel... some left. 'No, please not now', that were the only words he could think of before he closed his eyes. He grabbed his chest with one hand and table with second. He felt like he was losing his breath and ground underfoot. He felt like he was going down, collapsing into dark, shaking from fear. Again. Images began to fly before his eyes like some cheap movie in the cinema. Afghanistan. Portal. Where is his Arc Reactor? How much time he has left? Who took it? He'll die without it... He might have some spare ones at home. Will he be able to get there on time? 

" **TONY!** Tony, calm down. Breathe," he heard someone's frightened voice. Familiar. He could also hear the voice inside his head. His father. 'You're a big dissapointment. Disgusting. I'm dissapointed with you'. Then he felt something wet on his cheeks. Tears. Someone's hand gently wipes them. He opened his eyes. Baby, blue, scared eyes. Steve. He had terribly worried expression on his face. Where is Rhodey? "It's ok. It's all ok. I'm with you, I won't leave you anymore. I'm sorry," leave him? He didn't understand, not really. Has he said something just now? He doesn't know, doesn't remember. All he is now is a ball of fear and pain. 

"I don't need your pity," he blurted, trying to calm down. 

"Tony..." 

"Stop. Speak no more."

When Pepper and Rhodey came to them everything was fine. Tony calmed down and pulled himself together – at least that's what he thought. Steve even brought him a glass of forbidden alcohol. His friends came with a paramedic who persistently wanted to examine the genius. Great, they called an ambulance. To make things worse, a crowd of gawkers gathered around them, asking what had happened and whether everything is allright with Stark. Nothing was allright, and nothing will ever be. He only squeezed himself into the corner of couch, pressed knees against his chest and embraced them with arms. He shoved anyone who tried to get close to him. What caused this attack? He tried to think of something but nothing came to his mind. He was just sitting there, having a lovely argument... He was angry at himself, he wanted to get away from all those curious glances directed at him. It shouldn't have happened. Not here. He started at the glass of water, now broken, lying on the floor. It had to fall when he tried to grab a table to keep him from falling. That's exactly how his life looked like, like that glass now. It fell apart long time ago. How long it's been? He lost count. He saw Steve talking with Pepper and Rhodey somewhere among those people. Tony got up from the table, announced he is feeling sick and went straight to the bathroom. He washed his face with water and stood leaning against the sink, staring at his reflection. What he wanted to see there? Certainly not a broken man. Bloodshot eyes, big bags from lack of sleep and tired eyes. Completely wreck. And not so long ago, everything was different… Was he happy? Like, truly happy? What does it mean to be truly happy? Is it even possible to be happy after all that happened? 

"When one card falls over, the whole house collapses. And there is no way to get out of the debris. Until someone comes and pull you out," he heard a voice from behind. He turned slowly to see how the blond, who just leaned against the doors second ago, comes up to him. Steve. He came after him? Well, after all, he had an interest. Everyone comes up to him only when they need something. 

"And what's that? Life advance?" 

"Haruki Murakami, South of the Border, West of the Sun," taller man stood in front of Tony and shrugged. His eyes focused on him, full of care in them. Full of conern. "I came to ask for help, but it turns you need it yourself. Can I do so-" 

"Listen. I'm doing great. I don't need you or your help or your fucking pity. Everything's fine. What u witnessed was momentary indisposition, I'm working on it," Tony snapped, interrupting the latter. "The world didn't fell like the house of cards. I'm not anywhere under the debris. And even if I was, I got out of there long time ago. Alone. Without anyone's help. Stark men are made of iron." 

"Yes, you proved me how fine you are a moment ago in that hall..." 

"Now you're going to pretend you care about me so I would help your boyfriend?" 

"Tony, what are you..." he felt Steve's hands on his cheeks forcing him to look straight at the latter. Straight into those blue, puppy eyes. He found there... disbelief? Cofusion? "I wanted to give you time. If I had known earlier in what state are you I'd come here much faster. And I certainly would not come to ask for help. How much you drank before this event?" 

"Dunno. Some leftovers of what I took from the bar before FRIDAY set some kind of lock on it. I don't have access to my own alcohol anymore. Even my own AI is trying to restrict me." 

"Even your AI is _worried_ about you," Steve said pulling the smaller man close and embrancing him. He rested his cheek on the genius head sighing deeply. "as we all do. I know I messed up. I know I cannot rewind time, and even if I could... Tony, he's my friend. It really wasn't his fault, all of this was HYDRA, you would kill innocent man... I want to fix this, Tony. I'm sorry, let's start again?" Tony long processed the words Steve has said. It was the first time in a long when he was so silent during single evening. Simply he closed his eyes and let the warmth of other body seized him. The last time someone voluntarily hug him was probably when he was still with Pepper. He couldn't remember. Spiderboy doesn't count. He even forgot how nice it feels. Steve was right. He would kill innocent man with a cold blood. He knew this all along. Doubt entered his heart right after he came back home from Siberia. And let's be fair, he would do exactly the same for Rhodey if such things happened to him. Or he would do even more. Yet when he saw this man killed his defenceless mother... he just wanted to do the same to him. He wanted to make him suffer. Continuation of being merchant of death, eh? But if he, Tony, could accept his mistakes and say it out loud? No. But he could ignore them and move on. He was broken, but maybe he could find his salvation by helping someone who hurt him? Someone who killed his mom? 

"I'll help you," he said after a few or several minutes. Long cuddle already recharged his batteries. He pulled away from blonde breaking the warm contact, "but I have conditions. Rhodey is coming with me, Vision too if he'll want to. I also need my own workshop and computers where I can load FRIDAY. Only _I_ will have access to it." 

"Tony, you don't have to... if you need more time..." Steve began just to be interrupted by the latter. Again. 

"Shut up and listen. I will also need a lab for myself. In the workshop I will need a coffee maker and a comfortable, sleeping couch. Oh and own bathroom, I don't like to share a shower or bath with anyone. Of course everything under control both mine and FRIDAY. Noone interfere. Do I make myself clear? Fuck, Rogers, accept my help now. Before I come to my senses and change my mind." 

"I... thank you, Tony. But I also have the condition. Let me help you." 

"I don't need any help. I told you that already. I said I have everything under..." again he was pulled into the broad shoulders in which he could drown. He felt extremaly relaxed, calm and safe... _Defenceless_. Doesn't matter. He was lonely, like an abandoned puppy. He needed a temporary support now. Steve will give it to him if he will help his boyfriend. He thought he could agree to those terms. What could possibly go wrong? "…control. Although this form of support is quite enjoyable." 

"I missed you, Tony. 

Capsicle, and who doesn't miss me? I'm the greatest man in the world." Tony laughed when the man shook his head in response. "I missed you too, beefcake. Now... can we get out of this bathroom? Not like I mind, but if someone will come here he'll get a heart attack. It looks strange. Two men running away from crowd to cuddle in bathroom." Steve smiled, this time eyes full of joy and unspoken hapiness. Funny. Tony's plan to kick his ass out failed. How many more times his plans are going to fail? Is he even doing the right thing this time? The genius fell silent again, burried in his own world, when Steve took him outside, and then walked him... home. Like the old times. He looked up at dark, night sky, full of stars. Was he looking for an answer now? He had no idea, but his heart was racing. 'There are some things in this world that can be done over, and some that can't. And time passing is one thing that can't be redone. Come this far, and you can't come back.'** 

**"Rhodey, darling! Get your ass ready! We're going to Wakanda!"**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * - This is the intro for song "We never asked for this" by Crywolf.  
> ** - Haruki Murakami. South of the Border, West of the Sun.


	3. From The Start

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony arrives at Wakanda and finds a way to help Bucky. 
> 
> " _Tony didn't intend to brainwash him. Maybe he could..._ "
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> Enjoy ^-^

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again!

  
  


_"I've always done whatever I felt like doing in life. People may try to stop me, and convince me I'm wrong, but I won't change."_ * 

  
  


"Tony Stark! How good to see you again! How are you? Is everything alright?," he was greeted by a familiar voice right after he got off the plane. Wakanda's airport was small, but big enough for his private jet. The day was warm and windy, sun high on the sky. You can say the weather was pleasant. The air smelled the scent of trees and various flowers. They were among some wild jungle after all. A safe place where noone would be looking for them. 

"I've had worse," the genius said walking towards the young King. First he wanted to shake his hand, but at the very last moment he changed his mind and it ended up with bear hug. "Hi, Kittykat." 

T'challa was one of the few who _really_ , sincerely rejoiced at his arrival. Besides him there were also Natasha, and of course, Steve. And that's all. Wanda gave him a contemptuous look when he passed her. Clint, who was also with them didn't even look at him. And Sam, like Sam – he shrugged and tried to pretend everything is fine. If Steve brought Tony here then he had to trust him, and that meant he should at least try do to the same. Besides, it was _Stark_ who helped them escape from prison. Wilson had mixed feelings. There was also Scott, the Ant-Man, but he wasn't happy to see the new guest either. Tony felt uncomfortable, there was a thick tension in the air. Someone put a hand on his shoulder, he looked nervously behind him. Rhodey. He returned the smile and adjusted his sunglasses. After this he felt strong enough to take a step forward, and not backwards. Steve was relieved when Tony nodded his head. So, was he prepared that Stark could get back on his plane and go home? It wouldn't be surprising. Almost one and a half week ago, on the day when Steve walked him home, he returned to Wakanda to prepare everything for Tony's arrival. If he decided to come, of course. If he wanted to withdraw, noone would blame him. If he still needed a little more time... But what it would change? Time doesn't play the role here. He was to help his parents' murderer. Yes, he knew it all was _HYDRA_ , but still... He smiled weakly when Steve came up and hugged him, whispering silently his _"thank you"_. Was he doing this for him, or for himself? 

"We unfroze him a week ago, he's in **'safe room'**. We also prepared everything you asked for." Steve said, this time aloud. He took a genius arm and led him to the white building, walls covered in ivies. The palace of Wakandan King. Rhodey was escorted by T'Challa himself. "Vision chose not to come? Wanda misses him, was it because of her..." 

"Nonono. Vision for sure would be happy to see her. He just said it's not the best idea to come here right now. He stayed in New York just in case I'll need anything from home." Tony responded quickly following Steve to a large, spacious living room with fireplace. The walls were white, decorated with frescoes illustrating exotic animals. They were beautiful. 

"They would make a perfect couple. Coffee?" 

"Are you playing a matchmaker, Rogers? And yes, strong espresso. No sugar." 

Tony walked around the room for a while, watching the surroundings. Big, leather sofa worthy of a king and before her, on the floor, laid the truest fur and head of a _bear_. People still have such trinkets at home? During the night he would probably get a heart attack if he saw such thing. Large, panoramic windows overlooking the terrace and even further to the dense forests. Beautiful region. Nothing but to go out with a good book and sink into another world. But he didn't come here to relax. He came to do what exactly? Steve asked him for impossible. Tony studied some of Zola's notes. Throwing out this programming was not possible. It created a second personality within Barnes. Individual words only triggered it. Those brought it to the surface. Deprogramming wouldn't help here either. So how Tony could help him? He hoped that he'll come up with some idea _eventually_. Winter Soldier was prone to orders, he just had to serve and do what he was told to, or else he would be punished. It couldn't be discarded. Well, unless they were to slice Barnes' brain into pieces in hope they will cut out the right one. Lottery. Anyway, Steve wouldn't allow such things. Tony felt hopeless, helpless. He can't do anything here, can he? He's an engineer, not a biologist. Coffee that Steve was holding right before his nose brougth him back to reality. 

"Earth to Tony," the blonde laughed sending him a warm smile. Tony took his coffee and once again lost himself in his thoughts. He had no clue of what Steve was talking again. When he got hit by a ball of paper he woke up. 

"Sorry. Did you say something?" 

"I asked about Rhodey and his rehabilitation. Did you sleep at all lately? You need a break, Tony. Lack of sleep doesn't serve you well," Captain sighed putting down his cup of tea on the table. 

"Everything is _fine_ with me. I slept entire four hours the previous night, that's _enough_. As for Rhodey... rehabilitation will no longer be needed. He still wears his equipment, but we slowly take it away. I don't want to throw him into deep waters, we're going to set aside all the aids with time." he said not even trying to hide the pride in his voice. He made it. Within the last week he worked even harder, but it paid off. They applied the mixture of what Tony created to the Rhodey's spinal cord and bones. He slowly regained his fitness. They both didn't want to strain him so he was still walking in his equipment, but maybe in two more weeks he'll be able to throw it out. 

"How?" Steve looked at Stark like he was going crazy. 

"I invented a cure for his ailment. Well, not a _cure_ , it won't heal the damage. We've applied nanonerves combined with vibranium. Also calibrated sensoring chips. Vibranium strengthen the skeletal system, small ammount to not cause any more harm. He can control everything else with brain-computer interface, I made it very small and we decided to put it in his cerebellum. To be able to walk normally he must focus and think about it, it's still little difficult but he'll get used to it." the genius explained observing the face of Captain America, whose jaw nearly dropped to the floor. 

"I'm impressed," he mumbled "For you, really nothing is impossible." 

Tony Smiled in response. There are many impossible things for him. And they were pretty simple. For example, how to be happy longer than ten minutes. They sat in silence for a moment. Then Steve took him to his new room, to rest and get some sleep. This room also was large. To the right there was a panoramic window giving a view of surrounding area. It could be shaded, so that the sun wouldn't enter inside. At the centre of the room there was a temping, big and comfy bed. To the left there were doors leading to bathroom, which was also huge. T'challa evidently liked a lot of space. Tony walked over to the bed and collapsed on it. He didn't even care to remove his clothes or shoes. He felt oddly sleepy since he drank coffee that Steve has made him. Had he tossed sleeping pills in there? What for? He put his head on the soft, feather pillow and watched the sky outside the window. It began to cloud. It didn't last long as he was seized by a dreams. 

He was in a dark room, a pile of cables scattered on floor, an accumulator somewhere alongside them. The Cave? No. He saw a faint light before him, there were doors. He heard someone whispering around him, strange language. Similiar to the Russian, or maybe not. Creation of his imagination. _Noone_ was here after all. He wasn't afraid of dark, was he? Something scraped beneath his feet, but he didn't stop. He was afraid of what he could see there. As he reached his destination he groped for the handle and pulled it. The door was open but there was no light anymore. Behind them was, however, something he really wanted to avoid. _A Portal_. The overwhelming void, Chitauri flying in his direction. Big, flying monsters that could swallow him in any moment. He desperately wanted to run, he wanted this so much... but he couldn't. Something held his legs in place. His heart sped up dangerously. He shouted, he was scared. 

He woke up screaming, accompanied by lightning. Sweat trickled down his forehead. He buried face in his hands trying to calm down. Sleep is not good. He can't sleep. When he slowly came to himself he noticed he was under the covers, his clothes on the chair beside to the bed. He was wearing only boxers right now. Someone had to strip and cover him with a blanket. He looked towards the window. Dark sky, it was night time, stormy one. He reached for the note left on a bedside. 

  


_**'Basement. Workshop and labolatory, 4D. Safe room – down the hall to the right, room 3D. Ready when you ready. He'll be waiting. All your things are already there waiting for you.'**_

  


T'Challa's _handwriting_. He looked at the clock. Half past fourth. He sank back into the soft cushions, cluthing the note. Too late for visit. But he couldn't sleep now anyway, might as well check on his new, temporary workshop. He scrambled out of the bed, took a quick shower and with still wet hair went to the basement. 4D was the one and only room at the very end of the corridor. When he entered inside the lights were turned on automatically. The first thing he noticed was the wall at the end of the room that was strange and black. It looked like big, wide-screen TV. T'Challa really had a weird taste when it came to decorations. He ran the main computer in middle of the room and his portable one to upload FRIDAY to the system. He heard a strange sound from behind the black wall. He flinched but he told himself it was all the ducts doing. He didn't like this place, but when he heard a familiar voice he felt safer. 

"Hello, Boss," said FRIDAY, immediately putting a lock on the door. The code was the same as they had at home. 

"Hello, my baby girl. Could you make me a coffee, honey?" he asked, looking around for the coffee maker. 

"On it, Boss," he heard a clicking sound somewhere to his right. Coffee. Life-giving essence. He walked towards small cupboard where his drug was poured to a red, funny-looking cup. Once again, he heard a strange noise from behind the black wall. He frowned. 

"FRIDAY, what is behind this wall?" 

"This is the room of Sergeant Barnes. The so-called _'safe room'_ ," she took long to answer. FRIDAY just started adjusting to the new place and system of Wakanda. So there is this _'safe room'_. They really had to put it here? They wanted Barnes located in his workshop? Is it even safe? 

"Where is the entrance?" he asked, hoping to hear a different answer than the one that appeared in his head. 

"On the wall to the left is a panel opening and closing the door. On the console next to you can set the intensity dimming. You can also set the option _'transparent'_ to see what is on other side, Boss." this was what he feared the most. 

"Is this Venetian mirror?" 

"No. Sergeant Barnes will also see you, Boss." 

"Can he hear us?" 

"Not the exact conversation, but is aware that some sounds come from here." 

"He's not sleeping?" 

"Apparently not. There are no cameras in that room, I can not say more, Boss." she replied apologetically. "Should I make it transparent?" 

"No. First I must think of what to do next," he picked a small box which contained papers he studied recently – Zola's records and red, Soviet book with codes. So he sat on the couch opening the notebook with writings with one hand. In other hand he held a cup of coffee. He read. He studied. He thought of all possible options, but none of them meet his expectations. Perhaps he could try to change the program, but it could do more harm than good. _Overwrite_ program... maybe programming _reverse_. No. No. No. The brain is a tender organ. Zola experimented regardless of consequences, but that doesn't mean he would do the same. He couldn't afford it. He had to clean up the mess Zola has made and repair the damage he had done. He didn't know much Russian, but he had FRIDAY to translate everything on the screen next to him. Longing, Rusted... ah, these strange words. They were bringing the murderous part to the surface. Split personality. A personality that was formed after a trauma. Independent... however, because of the super-soldier serum they had to brainwash him regularly so he would be under control. This was crazy, but also fascinating. Tony didn't intend to brainwash him. Maybe he could... 

"FRIDAY, do you think we could give it a go with _educating_ him? You know, convince him killing is not life-goal. Socialize him. Pull him out of this madness and teach him how our world looks like." 

"I don't know. But I think it's worth a try," his AI answered. For a moment, he analyzed his own words. Yes. It was a good plan. The _safest_ of all he had so far. The safest for Barnes, of course. However, he will have to first discuss it with T'Challa and Steve. Or at least – inform them of his intentions. A little smile crept across his mouth. 

  
  
  


In the morning, Tony showed up in the main dining room for a breakfast. For the rest of the night he was working on improving his nanonerves and chips. They got eggs with bacon, and orange juice – for the rest, Tony got his (4th) morning coffee. After the meal they talked about planned movie marathon, which would take place in week or two. By this time they had to choose movies. The genius waited at the table untill only Steve and T'Challa were left there. Earlier he sent them a look with unspoken messages to stay with him little longer. They had to talk. 

"Perhaps I know how to help him," he started after a long silence. "But it's quite risky." 

"What do you _mean_?" Steve frowned. Stark said nothing and blonde was already angry. 

"HYDRA programming can't be discarded, can't be overwritten. Programming only controls the second personality. You can't throw it away. Unless you want to risk and cut his brain surgically. Memories are gathered in our whole brain, in all areas, but they're divided into sectors. It would be enough to cut the right one," he said taking a few sips of his life-giving essence. Safe start. 

"It's not an option," Captain harshly replied. "So what is your plan?" 

"As I already said, Barnes has a dual personality. At first I thought it was some kind of _hypnosis_ , but it's not. Those personalities are independent of each other. One belongs to your fella before the war, and the other is soldier-killer. Programming allows to control him by anyone who will say the magical words. They brainwashed him multiple times to keep him under control, he's learning and evolving. Adapting. Can you imagine the killer with free will in the wild? I don't. But that's it. My plan is to pull him out and teach the world. It's crazy, but I don't have other ideas. You agree with me or not – _I'm going to do it._ " he smiled, finishing his coffee. 

"Tony, it's not a good idea. Maybe we should think more about possible solutions to this problem..." T'Challa started after noticing the fury in Steve's eyes. They both expected something else from him. 

"Well, you can think on. I'm going to carry out my plan. Sink or swim. Now excuse me, I'm going back to workshop." he rose from the table, took the remnants of coffee and headed toward the exit. 

"How to you want to pull Bucky's second personality?" Steve asked suddenly. 

"That Soviet book will find its last usage." 

"Tony, you _can't_!" the blonde shouted, but Tony had already left the room. T'Challa tried hard to calm him down somehow, but Steve was furious. 

  
  
  


"I'm going to work a little with your _evil twin_ ," he said right after he entered the 'safe room' where his object was sitting. His aim. His mission. The room was small, a place for a bed, two chairs, a table. A small glass shaft through which they probably were giving him food. And a small bathroom with a shower and toilet. This room was so different from everything he saw here in the building. 

"Winter Soldier..." 

"Yes. I want to talk to him. I want to create some sort of cooperation with him. You can't get rid of him. He'll stay with you 'till the end of your life. Staying frozen won't help you." 

"How you want to do it?" vulnerable, gray eyes looked up at the genius. Horror filled them when Tony showed him the Soviet journal. "...no. Please..." 

"You'll be safe. I promise. I'll be here with you all the time. I want to help you," Tony assured, sitting on a stool next to the latter. Barnes nodded. The genius felt sorry for him. "Ready? Longing... Rusted... Dawn... Seventeen... Stove-" he noticed Barnes was trying to fight it, he put a hand on his shoulder to calm him. It worked, gray eyes looked back at him. A glimmer of _hope_ and _trust_. "Nine... Kind-hearted... Homecoming... One... Freight car." Suddently the eyes which glowed with hope and trust were replaced with empty and cold ones... We're home. 

_"Готовы соблюдать"_ ** 

"Hello, Winter Soldier. Can I simply call you Winter? You are Winter." 

"Winter." the man before him repeated after him. He was waiting for orders like a trained dog. 

"Yeaaaah... just like that. Winter, listen. There are no handlers or orders anymore," Tony saw how the confusion sneaked on the face of the latter. "There is no The Chair. You're a free man. You can do whatever you want ... well, almost." 

"I do not understand." 

"Let's start with something easy," Tony said, pulling a stool closer to the soldier. "What's your favourite fruit? Maybe some dish you like?" 

"I..." long pause. Too many questions? "The Asset has no favourite dishes..." 

"Your name is Winter, not Asset." 

"Winter." 

"You have the right to have favourite dishes, your own tastes, desires and dreams. You are a human. A free man," Tony put a pressure on the last few words to give the latter a hint of what he was trying to say. He knew Winter still doesn't understand. But Tony will teach him all of this. 

"...I think I like plums. And spaghetti," the soldier replied uncertainly. 

"Listen, Winter. What do you say, next time I'll bring you here stuff you like?" the genius suggested grinning from ear to ear. He saw once again Winter's face painted with confusion. So many questions with no clear answer. In addition, someone wanted to do something for him. "Yes or no? It's your choice." 

"...Yes?" though it sounded more like an another question rather than a certain answer, it was enough. He made his very first decision. Tony thought it'll take more time than this. Maybe without constant brainwashing he would recover faster? What will happen if he'll recover? Is he going the right direction? 

The first step has been taken. And there is no way back now. 

  
  
  
  
_**Tell me your secrets**_  
_**I'm scared to tell you mine**_  
_**Tell me I'm worth it**_  
_**Maybe this will be alright**_ ***  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * - Haruki Murakami  
> ** - Russian: ready to comply  
> *** - song: Ørka - Tell Me ft. Brian Bibb - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aPC1dGYb2d0


	4. Rise up, Rise up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Teaching Winter Soldier is exhausting...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's be fair here, I fucked up. But hey, noone is perfect!

  


_**Freedom is never given. It is won.***_

  
  
  


"Are you ready?" 

  
Longing.  
Rusted.  
Dawn.  
Seventeen.  
Stove.  
Nine.  
Kind-hearted.  
Homecoming.  
One.  
Freight car. 

" _Готовы соблюдать_ "** 

"Hello, Winter. Do you remember me?" 

Emtpy, cold, gray eyes stared at him for a long moment. Silence. Is he losing memory every time he's being awaken? Impossible. Tony scheduled the _sessions_ every third day. That means Winter will have whole day for himself. He will be learning under the guidance of his new _babysitter_. Tony had no idea whether this idea will work out, but it was still worth a try. The first – and the previous one – session, wasn't this bad, they spoke for a few hours about everything and nothing. Stark repeated himself that from now on the latter is a free man and have his own rights. After this, the soldier voluntarily handed control over Barnes. It's been two days, during which Tony focused on tinkering. Steve poked him several times at the workshop, when he visited his boyfriend – so far,he wasn't allowed to leave the _safe room_ , but it was going to change soon. The genius had also a mandatory chat with T'Challa alone after dinner. He had to assure him that everything would be fine and no one will get hurt. Well, whole this educating idea was very risky. Finally, the third day came. Time to set your toys aside, Tony... 

"Tony," that answer took him a long while. 

"That's right. I have something for you as a reward," the genius smiled leaving the room for a short moment. He came back next minute with a plate full of spaghetti, and a mug of hot chocolate. A bowl with halves plums were brought right after. Tony put all of this on a table in front of the soldier. He asked the workers in the kitchen to not send food to his little baby this day, he wanted to bring him something _special_. They had a deal after all, right? Winter's eyes widened, crept in confusion. "Do you remember?" 

He didn't remember. At least not right away. Tony shoved him a fork and nodded at the plate. Winter obediently took it and ate the first bite. Then he took few sips of hot chocolate and consumed few plums. And then... he did something totally retarded and unexpected. He moved away from table and looked straight at the genius. 

"It's not poisoned," he said after a moment. Tony's jaw dropped. What? That he brought him food to check if it's not poisoned? He forgot about their deal. Fuck. Just fucking great, hah. 

"What the... I know it's not poisoned. After all, I made it _myself_ ," Tony said, trying to keep himself from laughing. What? The situation was hilarious. "I promised to bring you food you like. Two days ago. Remember?" Winter frowned, probably trying to recall whole situation. Tony didn't expect that everything will go smoothly and easily, even though that's how it started. Finally the silent _oh_ escaped the soldier's mouth. So he remembered. Gray eyes looked into hazel ones once again. 

"Is this... is this for me?" he asked as if he wanted to be sure. 

"Yup. It's all for you," Tony smiled and held out his hand in front of the latter, just to ruffle the messy hair. For a moment he thought Winter will jerk back, slap his hand, start to defend himself. _Anything_. Nothing like this happened. His eyes were just filled with confusion. "Eat." 

After a while, all soldier's attention was focused on the food in front of him. It was evident that he was hungry. And happy. The ice in his eyes melted a little. However, it was difficult to function with a missing limb. Tony saw how he wanted to reach for a cup of chocolate, and then looked at his left arm. He could probably do something with it... but it's too early. When Winter finished eating, he pushed away his plate together with an empty cup and looked at the genius.

"Thank you." 

"No problem," Stark reached for the bowl with plums and took one half. He played with it for a moment, then he pressed it against Winter's lips. The latter obediently bite it, not taking his eyes off Tony. "Got any favourite type of music?" 

"I do not know," he answered after a long silence. 

"Ok. Next time I'll prepare something for you to listen. The internet is a bit limited here, in the basement, but I'll think of something. You want to help me in the workshop? Do some tinkering?" Tony smiled suggesting some form of entertainment. 

"Okay," the man replied standing up. 

"Listen. If something doesn't suits you, you must tell me. I can't read in your mind. If something is bad or good... you need to tell me this, ok? You're not alone anymore." 

"Yes." 

  
  
  


"Are you ready?" 

  
Longing.  
Rusted.  
Dawn.  
Seventeen.  
Stove.  
Nine.  
Kind-hearted.  
Homecoming.  
One.  
Freight car. 

" _Готовы соблюдать_ " 

"Hello Winter. Do you remember me?" 

"Tony," the answer came immediately. Tony was proud of him, his _objective_ was evolving, even though he was still somewhere on the level of the child. But this is just the beginning, right? End of the first week, it'll be better over time. He put a paper bag on the table with little surprise inside. Winter looked at it suspiciously. He opened it after Tony nodded. "Plums!" 

"I noticed that you like them a lot," the genius laughed remembering that even when they were working in the workshop, the latter wasn't leaving his bowl of fruits. "By the way I brought civilization to the underworld. We have the internet. Come on, we'll do some browsing." 

Winter obediently followed him, clutching a paper bag with plums. They walked to the main control panel in the middle of the room. The soldier sat down at Tony's desk, looking over his shoulder at the virtual screens. He had no idea what they were displaying, but his eyes followed the hands of the genius. The music filled the room through the speakers located on the walls around. Stark walked to his precious coffee maker. He made a strong espresso without sugar for himself, and, of course, a hot chocolate for his _little baby_. When he returned to the panel he saw that the other was already familiar with the system and was looking for the music that he might like. Tony put a sweet drink in front of him. Momentary confusion, suspicious glances. However, soon he recovered and took a few sips thanking silently. It turned out that Winter liked something from the border of rock and electronics. Something told Tony that he loves the sound of guitar. 

"You think you could play the guitar?" the genius asked out of nowhere. 

"I do not know..." he replied after a moment's thought. Then he looked at his left arm. "And I won't find out. I'm sorry." 

"You don't have to apologize," Tony said seriously and stroked the place on Winter's arm, where metal met skin. He noticed that the other man flinched. "It hurts?" 

"Not anymore." 

Stark left him for a moment, asking FRIDAY where is the carton 11-V, in which he kept his _toys_. It was in the corner of the room, under a pile of some papers. What the fuck is this? Whatever. He opened the box and looked for his treasure. Oh, yes. That's it. Barnes' arm, memento from Siberia. He went back to Winter. He placed himself between his legs, holding its prey in the hands. He saw the anxiety in eyes of the latter, a bit of fear. 

"I can fix it. You just have to tell me if you want it, or not. I won't do anything without your permission," the genius began sending another man's a gentle smile. Back in the time he would jump on a piece of technology right away, like a hungry mouse on cheese. But not anymore. "You said it no longer hurts. I assume it was different before? It'll be fine, I won't hurt you... intentionally. I want it, as well, to be your decision to make, if you want it or not. I want you to be sure. Not like I'm forcing you here." 

This time the silence lasted much longer. Patience is a virtue, they say. This guy had to fight his own demons, he had to win his _freedom_ , he must find it after all. The gray eyes held a whole range of feelings. From fear, anxiety and uncertainty, to the hope and trust. Tony felt disgusted with HYDRA, had a great desire to send them a pile of bombs. A _dozen_ Jerichos.Winter was defenseless, had no idea about anything. He wanted to kill him before. _God_ , he was so grateful that Steve stopped him... He wouldn't forgive himself. This man before him wasn't a heartless murderer he was suspecting him to be. He just did what he was told, lost like a child in the fog. If they told him to jump off a skyscraper and kill himself, he would do it. Tony sighed, put a metal arm on the side and hugged the other man. Winter stiffened at the sudden touch. However, the tension gone a moment later and he relaxed, putting his head on the genius' shoulder. Stark just patted him. This was probably the moment when he felt sincere sympathy for this man. 

"I agree." came in the end. 

  
  
  


The next day Barnes was pulled out to the gym by Steve. Tony sat alone in the workshop, which was oddly _empty_. He got used to the company of mentally unbalanced soldier. They never spoke much, he noticed the other was just sneaking into his workshop to watch what was he doing. He wasn't aware the genius was working on new, bionic arm. How would he know? That was only between Winter and Tony. This, too, will have to be fixed somehow. Two personalities in one body. They need to contact each other, make some kind of agreement. He'll come up with something. His communicator beeped. _T'Challa_. He was waiting for him in the main room, the one with a fireplace. So he went to meet the Wakandan king. He finally found him in the kitchen. Besides T'Challa there was also Natasha. Tony passed them and immediately walked over to the coffee machine. Strong espresso without sugar, this is it. 

"If you want to ask me how Winter's education is going I'll tell you we're making a progress. Maybe it's not huge, but still better than nothing," he said breaking the silence and slowly sipping his fresh-made coffee. "He knows that he likes plums." 

"Actually, we wanted to remind you, that we are planning a movie marathon soon, and it would be nice if you could join us," Black Widow smiled at him. Well, yes, a movie marathon. He completely forgot about it. He spent all his time in workshop, came upstairs only for food. 

"What movies?" 

"Well... Sam was chosing." 

"Disney Princesses?" 

"Lord of the Rings." 

"Even better," the genius laughed at his empty cup and put it on the table. Well, he will have to join them in their little marathon, even if he hates the movies. It could be a great opportunity to... 

"I let him out to the gym today," T'Challa started, leaning against the counter. 

"I noticed. I take it as a good sign." 

"You tell me." 

"Dunno what I could tell you. Too little data so far. I'm trying to make him familiar with everything, but I have no idea about the final result. He doesn't say too much. But he's calm and not doing odd shit, trust me," the genius explained recalling all three sessions with the soldier-killer. 

"Tony, I still think it's a bad idea. Steve..." Wakandan king sighed looking at the floor, not finishing his sentence. Tony just got up spitting annoyed _get me some acoustic guitar_ before he left the room. _Fuck you_ , Rogers. 

  
  
  


"Are you ready?" 

  
Longing.  
Rusted.  
Dawn.  
Seventeen.  
Stove.  
Ni- -  
\- - - - - - -- --- ---- ------ ------- 

"Tony!" Winter exclaimed happily. Too early. He wasn't done with the magical words. What happened? 

"How...?" he began but didn't finish. He didn't understand what was going on. 

"Dissapointed?" the soldier asked, sitting still on his place. The piercing gaze of gray eyes on the genius. 

"No way!" he replied immediately just to see Winter's first smile. It seemed that today was the day full of surprises. Very pleasant ones. He cleared his throat. "So... today we will be putting your new arm on its place. Ready?" 

"I think so," the answer came right away. It was a lot better than the last time. They made some progress then. 

He led the soldier to the desk where he worked on a metal arm. He asked him to get rid off the T-Shirt. And then Tony himself removed the cotton, elastic bandage that covered remains of the bionic stuff. He slightly bit his lip, it was all his fault. _But he'll fix it_. First he drew major wires and connected them together. Then he plugged the special chip he had made to the motherboard, which had spread vivid, active nanonerves to the system. Winter was sitting obediently on the desk watching as the genius tried to reconnect everything. When the arm was finally inserted on its place and covered with new shell fragments made of pure vibranium, Tony asked him to move his fingers. Then he asked if the soldier feels any pressure, pain or other malfunctions. It turned out that there was a short circuit near the elbow, some damaged connector. Stark immediately replaced it with a new one. After that Winter could freely move his hand, he squeezed a few empty cans as he was told to - no idea what they were doing in the workshop though. Tony again opened the cover plate and messed with some modules. For him, nothing could be done _ok_ or _alright_. Everything had to work perfectly and flawlessly. Finally he closed the cover with satisfaction and tapped it with fingertips. 

"Ha, kiss me!" he said to himself, he was proud of what he had done. He glanced happily at Winter, completely unaware of what was going to happen. Winter's right hand was placed on the back of Tony's head to hold him in place, when he crushed their lips together. Wait, wait a moment... What? Is Winter...? W-Whaaaa...?! 

" **W-WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!** " Tony screamed pulling away. 

"You said to kiss you," Winter replied confused. 

"I-I told you already there are _no orders_ anymore! How many times do I have to repeat myself? You alone decide what you want to do," the genius flushed, his heart speeding up. The latter just cocked his head to the side, as if not understanding what he had just heard. 

"I wanted this," he said finally, causing Tony to blush even more. 

" **Y-YOU CAN'T JUST KISS PEOPLE LIKE THAT OUT OF NOWHERE! YOU MUST ASK FOR PERMISSION!** " he blurted out quickly, flustered. And if not for Winter's super sensitive hearing, he wouldn't understand a single word. 

"Can I kiss you?" that question came up almost immediately. 

"Yes, exactly that's ho-... _hnn_!" Tony shut his eyes, when soft lips were pressed against his. _Again_. What the fuck was going on? Why his heart was pounding so loud? He didn't understand... A second later, he felt a wet tongue on his lower lip. Winter asked for permission. And Tony gave it to him, parting his lips. He suddenly felt hot as if he was on fire. He moaned, wanting to shoot himself in the head. In response Winter only deepened the kiss, exploring the inside of his mouth and thus he slipped from the desk and tightly embraced the smaller man with his repaired, bionic arm. The genius didn't know what was going on, the world was spinning before his eyes, he tightened his grip on the latter's forearms. He was the first to break the kiss, he simply ran out of air. Their hot breaths merged into one. When he opened his eyes he saw the soldier smiled, stroking his cheek. "What are you doing?" he whispered feverishly. 

"You allowed," the other man replied, also in whisper. His voice was low, husky, seductive ... _no, Tony. Get a grip._ Where was his logic? It disappeared somewhere in those temping lips. Involuntarily he turned his head slightly to the side, wanting to continue, when a loud voice interrupted him. _FRIDAY_. 

"I do not want to disturb, Boss, but Captain Rogers would like to talk to you. He did not want to intrude here, so he asked if you could come to the main hall." 

Winter scowled, something interrupted his plans. After all, it was his day, every third belonged only to him ... and Tony. How anyone even _dared_ to interrupt him? He hugged the smaller man even more, burying the face in his neck. He began to suck greedily the delicate skin causing Stark to moan, he liked the sounds he was making. He pulled away after he left a visible, red mark which he stroked with fingertips. FRIDAY spoke again. 

"Boss, I suggest you to hurry." 

"I'm coming, I'm coming! I still have something for you," he muttered after a while, pulling out a small notebook from the desk. "I'd like you to start contacting with your other half... with Barnes. I have no other ideas besides this so... you could leave information for each other in notebook. Something like shared diary. So that both of you will make decisions and will understand each other better. I'm going to meet with Steve now, and you... you can start now. Dunno, write about your love to spaghetti, or about music," he finished handing him a notebook, and moved away. Winter obediently took the object in his hand, grabbed a pen from somewhere, kissed the genius for the last time and sat down at the desk. Tony left the workshop, directing his steps towards the main room. He completely cooled down already, what was he even thinking, what was he doing even... Now he will have to straighten things up. Steve was sitting on the same couch like during the first day, when Tony came to Wakanda. It felt like ages ago. Hearing steps, the blonde stood up and smiled. 

"Hey Steve. Something's wrong?" Tony asked, walking over to the latter who at first was cheerfully grinning at him. But then he instantly frowned. Friendly look turned into one that could kill on the spot. Stark didn't understand. 

"Is that a hickey?" he finally asked pointing at Tony's neck. 

….Fuck. 

  
  
  
  
_**A new day** _  
_**A time to change** _  
_**Forget about yesterday** _  
_**I start today** _  
_**And we rearrange** _  
_**The life that I'm living** _  
_**Things will never be the same** _  
_**It's time to start living** _  
_**Rise up***** _  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * - Philip Randolph  
> ** - Russian: Ready to comply.  
> *** - Extreme Music - Rise up: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oibwUFArKt8


	5. Wings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve is making a mess~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is messy af (and I don't like it), but I want to close whole story in 9-10 chapters, depends if I'll include epilogue. Not sure.

  


_Choose your love, love your choice*._

  
  
  


"Tony, what happened to you?! Was it Barnes?! Ima kill that bastard!" someone's low growl brought him back to reality. He turned his look from a hot cup of coffee to a person standing in front of him. Rhodey. 

"Hey, Honeybear," Tony replied with hoarse voice, then sighed resigned. "I had a little fight..." _with Steve_ , he wanted to say but no words left his mouth. He must now look like the victim of some disaster. Black eye, cut eyebrow, slit lower lip, bruises after strangling on the neck, on the top of this - his ribs painfully hurt. What's funny, he couldn't even complain. He deserved it. It was all _his_ fault. Rather than explain all this to Winter, he let himself get carried away. And then, as if nothing happened, he went to meet Steve. He just forgot that fruit of his mistake was left on the neck, and was very visible. A quarrel began, harsh words spitted out loud. They hurt, but... Steve was right, no? He was right... 

  


***

 _"Is that a hickey?" the genius panicked when he heard this question. Immediately he covered his neck with both hands._

_"It's not what you think," he muttered in a hurry trying to explain himself somehow._

_"I brought you here to help him, not use him for... where is your fucking honor, Stark? A moral backbone?" the blonde hissed, he was furious._

_"You don't understand. Listen..." the shorter man began, but the words dissapeared somewhere in the air, when his face met Steve's fist. He fell silent. The world spun. The genius stumbled, almost dropping to the floor. The blow was strong, it dazed him. He gripped the back of the sofa, but second later he was pushed onto it. The blonde hand tightened on his throat. It brought tears to his eyes, he lost his breath and began to tremble. He was scared. Steve was insane. He clutched the wrist of the latter, pleading in mind that all of this was just a bad dream. He will wake up soon. He felt a fist around the ribs. Once, twice, three times... he sobbed helplessly. It hurt. It hurt. It hurt. Steve, why...? When he was close to losing consciousness, the man let go of him and stepped away in disgust. Tony greedily inhaled the air, coughing quietly, tears running down his cheeks._

_"We all know how your life looks. How you treat others. You can only love yourself, you're selfish and arrogant. You're not worth him, you'll never be worth anyone. Stop using his weakness against him! You dissapointed me, you're like a walking destruction! You can only destroy! **HOW MANY LIVES YOU MUST RUIN TO FEEL BETTER?! HOW MANY YOU MUST HURT?!** " Steve yelled, trying hard to not cause more harm to the genius. Tony wanted to say something, he opened his mouth... but he couldn't. The voice didn't come, everything hurt. "Leave him alone," the Captain growled, and hit Stark's ribs for the last time. Then he left._

_He somehow crawled to the bathroom, writhing in pain. He checked all the cupboards in search of some painkillers. He swallowed several pills at once. Swallowing also caused him pain. But he had no choice. He didn't want to go back to his workshop, that was another thing he feared at the moment. Winter's reaction. So he went back to the couch in Main Room, he sat down, burying a face in his hands. Trying to calm down..._

***

  


...he was a walking disaster. He was doing nothing but destroying. 

"A _little fight_? That dick will regret it. Where is he?! In the workshop?!" Rhodey growled irritated. 

"It wasn't Barnes. It was Steve," Tony admitted in the end. Rhodey opened his mouth, but closed it again. He was shocked. 

"What do you mean Steve...? Steve did this to you...? Motherfucker." he muttered in disbelief, dropping onto the couch. 

Tony sighed, lifting his chin up. Between the bruises on his neck, there was a red mark Winter had left. The main reason of all of this... No. The reason was different. He allowed this to happen. He deserved it and suffered the consequences. Rhodey frowned, not understanding. So Tony told him everything. About what happened in the workshop, how Winter... and then, when he met with Steve. How everything went wrong. 

"I had no idea you and Barnes..." Rhodey began, but Tony immediately raised his hands in defense and interrupted him. 

"It's not like _that_." 

"Looks like _that_ to me," he grinned, standing up. Tony just now noticed something, or rather, lack of something. Lack of walking equipment. So it worked out. "Wait a minute," he said leaving him for a moment. He returned with a small first-aid kit. "First we'll treat your wounds. And then I'll go _talk_ with Steve, I won't be too brutal... maybe." 

"Don't. Stay out of this. I'll handle it." 

"If you ask me, we should leave this whole Wakanda bullshit... You should at least tell T'Challa, he cou-" 

"You took off the walking equipment," Tony suddenly blurted, interrupting the latter. He hissed in pain when the wound met hydrogen peroxide. 

"Don't change the subject, Tones," Rhodey said, sticking a charming adhesive dressing with a dinosaur to Stark's eyebrow. The cut wasn't too deep or large, should heal fast enough. "...I took it off, yes. I'm feeling strong enough to walk on my own." 

"Can I... sleep in your room? I don't want to go back to the workshop, I don't have enough courage. And in my room... I no longer feel safe." 

"Always." 

  
  
  


The next day, Tony and Rhodey ate breakfast much earlier than the rest. Nat was informed about the situation that has taken place, and since now she had to keep an eye on Steve. Then they went to the garden where they sat on the grass in the shade of an umbrella, enjoying the view of the rising sun. Tony was drinking his coffee, and Rhodey was glued to the cup of steaming, citrus tea. They didn't talk. The genius' voice was still in bad state and babbling about stuff had to wait a little longer. He didn't sleep at night, he just couldn't. He felt guilty. That was all his fault. He was so lost in his own thoughts, that he didn't see two familiar figures passing them by. One of them stopped in place. 

"Tony...?" a familiar person came to Tony's side and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Tony... what the fuck happened to you?!" the voice was raised and frightened. He knew this voice... 

"I had a close encounter with a bear," he replied emotionless. He raised his head revealing the bruises on the neck. The gray eyes, full of concern were staring right at him. Barnes. Of course. What the fuck he wanted here? What an irony... he wanted to laugh, but couldn't. 

"What is the _name_ of that bear?" the man asked crouching next to the genius. 

"Dunno, didn't ask. Watch out for those forests," Tony replied mockingly, glancing sideways at the person standing behind Barnes. _Steve_. He crossed his arms, staring at the genius with undisguised contempt and disgust. He was sending him a warning. 

"Buck, you coming?!" Steve shouted. 

"Yeah!" he shouted back, and turned to Tony for a second before he left. "We'll talk 'bout this later." 

"He's worried about you," Rhodey pointed out, when two men were out of sight. 

  
  
  


But they didn't talk about what happened. Not on the same day, nor the next one. Not even week after, Tony was avoiding Bucky like a professional. And finally they reached another Winter's day that couldn't be ignored. He appeared at Tony's couch around noon, when the genius was still asleep (he worked at night, as usual), without the magic words. He came out by himself, there was no need to pull him by force. He kissed and stroked the delicate skin, trying to wake the latter up. He was incredibly gentle. He caressed the wounds, as if trying to erase them completely. Stark gasped when he felt first twinge of pain. Winter moved away slightly, apologizing. 

Tony really didn't want the other to pull back, he needed him near... he wanted to be hugged, he wanted some sort of assurance it all was just a bad dream... that Steve... yes, Steve. He opened his eyes, saw Winter hanging above him, close to his own face, their noses almost touching, a look of concern, a slight smile. Next second he felt soft lips on his own. 

"Good morning," the soldier whispered, not moving away. 

"Hey, Winter," he replied, their lips touched again. It was incredibly pleasant feeling. 

"Somebody harmed you, I'd like to know who..." he whispered sullenly, resting his forehead against Tony's. The genius knew he should push him away, but he couldn't, quiet sob escaped his mouth. He just closed his eyes and held out both hands to the other man. Winter immediately embraced him. "Shhh... you're safe now, I'll protect you." 

"Errr... you need another minute?" some female voice came from the doorway of the workshop. Tony flinched, wanted to move away, but Winter held him in place. Natasha smiled at them, visibly delighted. "We're starting Lord of the Rings marathon soon. I came to take you, you wouldn't make on your own." 

"You want to go?" Winter asked, ready to throw Nat out at any moment. Tony nodded. Then the soldier stood up and took the shocked man in his arms, bridal style. He smiled and kissed the genius' temple. Right next to the cheerful dinosaur. 

Tony placed his cheek on Winter's flesh shoulder, he felt safe. At lest now... he will worry about the rest later. He glanced at Nat forcing a smile. Natasha led them to a loveseat winking not to him, but Winter, who answered her with a sincere smile. He thanked in such a way. The soldier took reclining position, and forced Tony to lay down on him. He kissed the top of _**HIS**_ genius head and embraced him with the bionic hand. The rest of the team came few minutes later. Most of them were shocked to see such picture painted before their eyes, later they found it quite lovely. But Steve... Steve was shaking with rage. Tony buried his face in Winter's T-Shirt. At some point, Clint threw a paper ball directed at him. A hand immediately went up. _Winter_. He caught the ball, sending Barton a deadly piercing gaze. If glances could kill, the birdie would have died a hundred times, or even more. The soldier wanted to stand up, to give the other man a lesson, but Tony pushed him back onto the couch. 

"That's just a paper ball," Tony said looking straight into the gray eyes. Clint froze in place, didn't know what he can expect. Only then he noticed the state of the genius' face and neck. The terror flashed through his eyes. 

"And those injuries..." Winter started in whisper, but Tony interrupted him. 

"Certainly not from paper balls. It's not him," he added. 

"Then who? You either tell me, or I'm going to slaughter them all on the spot. With or without the paper balls." 

"Steve." 

Winter shut up, looked around the room. His eyes met Steve's. He guessed it was his doing, but he wasn't absolutely certain. But now he knows, and won't leave it like this. Steve Rogers, so-called friend, harms _**HIS**_ Stark. Ridiculous. He tightened his metal fingers on Tony's hip, and with the flesh hand he forced the genius to put a head on his chest. 

"I promise he won't touch you anymore." 

The atmosphere was tense at first, but then it relaxed. Apart Steve's rage. Tony fell asleep pretty fast, Nat brought a blanket so he wouldn't get cold. Winter hugged him all the time, but when he noticed that Rogers left the room, he sneaked out from under Tony and followed him. He found him in the kitchen, where he poured himself a glass of orange juice. 

"May I ask why?" he asked neutrally, masking his own fury. 

"Why what?" Steve replied with a question, turning to face the other man. 

"Tony's wounds. I know." 

"He finally told you?" the blonde snorted. "He really lack honor. Son of a bitch. You want to know why? 'cause he uses you, Buck. He was meant to help you, and what he's doing? That whore just have a great fun! What else he overwritten in that programming? Forces you to suck his cock under the table?!" 

"New expert of HYDRA's technology has been found." 

"Stark uses you, can't you see this? He uses the program for his own desires." 

"Really? Who am I?" 

"Bucky." 

"Fool," Winter's laughed, closed his eyes and relaxed. _Oi, Buck. Need you, don't want to hurt yo friend_. When he opened his eyes, they were totally different. Belonged to someone else... They switched. "Steve...?" 

"...Bucky? ...what? ...how?" 

"Tony avoided me for a while, had a chance to work with Winter on my own. We can swap." 

"That's great! So the programming is able to be throw out soon..." Steve smiled and immediately hugged the other man. He, however, frowned and pushed him away. "Bucky?" 

"Throw out programming? Steve, Winter is my second personality... he _IS_ a _person_..." 

"Bucky, don't trust Tony... he manipulates you. Manipulates the Winter Soldier programming for his own benefits. He's selfish and think only about himself. I wanted to help you so much, I even asked _him_ and he... he just uses you. No idea why, but I'll find out. I just can't look at this anymore." Steve said with a hint of regret in his voice. 

"He uses me..." Bucky repeated analyzing the words of his friend. _You fucking tard_., he thought. 

"Yes... Bucky, I care about you...You know... I love you, I don't want to see you hurt." so this is it... 

"Steve, I care about you, and love you too..." he stopped to look into baby blue eyes which were full of love and hope. "...but as a friend." Bucky saw in Steve's eyes how his world shattered into pieces after this. 

  
  
  
When they returned to the main room everyone were asleep, but Tony. He wasn't even there. Bucky faked a yawn, and stated that he's going to sleep. Steve nodded, saying nothing. But instead of going to his _safe room_ , he went to look for Stark. He found him on the the viewing terrace, leaning against the railing, and looking somewhere in the distance. Bucky walked up to him, embraced him from behind around the waist. He was afraid of his reaction. Tony, however, was relaxed and leaned the back of his head against the flesh arm. For a moment they stood in silence, watching the dark blue, starry sky. Warm night with a soft, cool breeze in the air. At some point, they saw a falling star.

"Make a wish," Bucky whispered in Tony's ear, faint of Brooklyn accent in his voice. The genius didn't notice this. 

"You too," he answered. 

"I will need you help with mine," he smiled. He noticed Tony glances sideways at him, trying to figure him out. He turned him around, and placed a hand on his cheek. For a long time he stared into his eyes, before he kissed him. Tony defended himself for a moment, trying to push him away. 

"Winter, no... we can't. Steve..." 

"Close enough. Name's Bucky. Don't bring Steve into this..." 

"Barnes...?!" Tony jumped back from him, clearly fearful. "I'm sorry... It's not like this." 

"What's wrong?" Bucky raised an eyebrow, and embraced the other man tightly. He had no intention of releasing him. Steve can repeat his shit for life. It was far from the truth. Again, he leaned towards the genius, slowly tasting his lips. He took his lower lip between the teeth, and sucked it afterwards. Tony sighed. They shared a long, passionate kiss; broke apart after a few minutes, when they lacked the air. None of them had an idea someone was watching them from the rooftop. "Turns out we have somethin' in common. Me and Winter. We both want you, Tony. I know we started badly. I know I hurt you. 'cause of me you lost parents... but, give me a chance... give _US_ a chance..." he corrected himself, keeping his eyes on hazel ones. 

"I can't. I..." _I'm a walking disaster._ , he finished in his mind. 

"Shhh... you can. And I, and Winter... we both lo-" 

"Don't tell me that you love me**," Tony blurted out quickly, interrupting the latter. "I'm not worth it," he added, and then he pushed Bucky with all his strength and ran away. He left him on the terrace with opened mouth, a look of disbelief and confusion. 

He wanted to run after him, yes, he wanted this so much. But Tony might need some time, perhaps he has set the pace too quickly. Maybe he should wait little longer, it all happened so fast. When he returned to the workshop, the owner wasn't there. _Probably asleep in his room_ , he thought... 

  
  
  


How wrong he was, when he found out in the morning, that Stark packed his things and flew out to Malibu. He left Rhodey, he flew alone. He said that he needed rest, and some place to be alone. Bucky couldn't eat anything during breakfast. Instead, he made a coffee exactly the same as Tony liked, and made his way to the basement. He asked FRIDAY to call Tony. He had to talk to him, but he wasn't answering. He tried to connect with him several times but failed badly. 

"I advise you to try in a few hours, Sergeant Barnes. Mr. Stark is currently indisposed." FRIDAY said after tons of unsuccessful calls. 

"What means _indisposed_?" he asked irritated. 

"Intoxicated by too many spirit drinks." 

"You mean he's drunk...? But..." Bucky began, next second dropping on the couch where Tony had slept all this time. A soft pillow, and a thin blanket in the corner. He laid down on them, inhaling the scent of the other man. "...then we'll try to call him later." he muttered under his breath. He fell asleep. 

  


He was awakened by a FRIDAY's loud voice, few hours later. 

"Sergeant Barnes, please wake up." 

"'sup?" he asked faintly, trying to push the dreams away. 

"I'm afraid that my protocols have been violated. A virus has sneaked into the system," FRIDAY began, but after a while Bucky couldn't understand anything. 

"And in humanish?" 

"Boss had an accident, the aircraft was forcibly brought to the ground." 

" **WHAT?!** " he jumped up to his feet. His heart stopped beating, the world collapsed in an instant like a house of cards. "He's alive, right?!" 

"I can not say that. When the aircraft collided with the ground, I reported a weak signs of life in the cabin," she said with a cracking voice. Bucky felt something wet on his cheeks. He was crying. Tony... he was speaking with him yesterday... 

Steve. It's his fault. He clenched his fists and screamed with all his strength. His whole world shattered and it was because of his best friend. To the end of the line, huh? The pain in his chest was indescribable... he suddenly ran out of the workshop, looking for something. _Someone._ He found it in the Main Room. They all sat in front of the TV, watching the news. The plane... crashed... among some fucking jungle... _stark industries_ on the tail. Bucky fell on his knees, nothing mattered anymore. Something died in him. He didn't know Tony for long, they spent nearly a month together but he knew that guy was the one he needed. He wanted to kiss him, sleep with him, and wake up next to him every morning. He just wanted to take care of him... He had no clue when he got up from the floor and walked over to Steve. He picked him up by the rags with his bionic arm, and threw him against the wall. He aimed his right hook in the stomach of the blonde. Rogers groaned with a pain and doubled over. 

" **ALL THIS IS YOUR FAULT. YOU SEE WHAT YOU'VE DONE?!** " Bucky yelled pointing at TV's screen. " **YOU FUCKING BASTARD! ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?!** " 

"Bucky, calm down! Bucky!" it was Natasha. She ran to him, trying to stop him from beating Steve up. In the end, Wanda was forced to use her magics to restrain him. 

"I'll never forgive you, Steve," the Russian and Brooklyn accent were heard in the same time. 

  
  
  


He woke up in a dark room. He sat on some chair, pinned to it by steel belts, as if he had strength to run away. He felt dizzy, world was spinning around. He remembered he had an accident... He remembered that yesterday, he and Bucky... and he fled in the morning. The plane crashed. He tried to look around. He groaned. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. _Where am I?_

"Welcome, Mr. Stark. Welcome to your new home." 

He felt a needle at the back of his neck. Sudden pain. Then... then there's nothing to remember. 

  
  
  
  
_I was falling_  
_I was falling when you found me_  
_I was screaming_  
_Someone save me from this gravity_  
_I can’t rise above the darkness_  
_Then you gave me wings to fly away_  
  
_I was blinded_  
_By the bright light as I rose up_  
_From the shadows_  
_That was all I’d ever known_  
_Now I’m flying_  
_Apart from you I am nothing_  
_Because you are my wings_ ***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * - Thomas S. Monson  
> ** - _Don't tell me that u love me_ comes from a song "Fly down" by Stephen. Whole idea of the storyline came from this one tune. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Y82lpHLVWg  
>  *** - Jacob Stanifer – Wings(ft. Twilight Meadow): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_yBSXZxGeBA


	6. Only Human

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life in HYDRA can be pretty rough... especially when new Asset is called Tony Stark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are, Brock Rumlow time bitchez! :D  
> No worries, noone can get rid of Bucky this easy, he will come back.
> 
> To be completely fair: next chapter is almost done as well, so might add it during weekend (maybe Sunday?)
> 
>  
> 
> I'm very thankful for all your support, it means a lot to me <3

_**Try to imagine what it will be like to go to sleep and never wake up... Now try to imagine what it was like to wake up having never gone to sleep.**_ * 

  
  
  
  
Darkness.  
Cold.  
Pain.  
_What's happening?_  
Whispers.  
Pain.  
Emptiness.  
Fear.  
_Where am I?_  
Panic.  
Pain.  
Silence.  
Surrender.  
_Who am I?_  
Pain.  
Cold.  
Darkness.  
  
  


"Hello, Mr. Stark," a voice came from the darkness. Was he talking to him? "How are you feeling today? I have a gift for you. We invented a special medicine that will cure you, Sir. _Extremis healing factor_. This is not the typical Extremis Virus, we've pulled out of it the best ingredients, and created something new... something _wonderful_. And you're going to test it. You'll be the first. Is that not the reason to be proud of?" 

The subject shifted in his chair, he was chained. He had no idea where is he, what is his name, and what this other man was saying. Everytime they came, they called him _Tony_ , or _Stark_ , so he concluded it must be his name. He also didn't know what was this whole _Extremis_ thing, but he had a bad feeling. Something was telling him it's nothing good. Perhaps he had a contact with it earlier, but couldn't tell for sure. He felt the needle on the neck, hiss escaped his mouth when the virus was applied to him. The strange guy laughed loud, and left. Once again, he was left alone with his thoughts. 

  
  
  


He didn't know how many days had passed, he lost count in the darkness. But... for a long time noone came. Tony thought that the experiment failed, and he was left to die. He was hungry, and he was cold... also terribly thirsty, his lips were chapped and glued together. Noone will come, they left him... the only comfort was the lack of pain. He hung his head slightly, swaying from side to side, humming a song under his breath. Some time passed, he heard footsteps. Was it his imagination? The door opened, few people came inside the room. Something bright flashed before him. They turned the lights on. He closed his eyes, it was too bright, dazzled him. It hurts. 

"Stark?!" someone shouted in disbelief. 

"Your new toy, Rumlow. Tony Stark. Your Asset." some guy replied with a proud voice. Probably the same one, who brought the food. They removed the locks on the chair, he was no longer chained. But after this, they attached some device to his chest. They told him to open the eyes, and then to get up. He wasn't used to walking, nor to seeing. He spent too much time chained to the chair, in the darkness. He staggered, almost fell. He regained his balance after a while, but none of these guys were happy with that stumble. _Bad boy, stand straight, you oaf._ said one of them, and pressed a button on the controller. Tony felt pain, he screamed. Electricity passed through his body. But he stood straight, as he was told. He felt something warm and wet running down his trouser leg. He piss himself. He couldn't control it. Men gathered before him bursted out laughing. "Look, you bonehead. This is your handler, Brock Rumlow. You will listen to him, and obey _all_ orders, otherwise you will meet a punishment. Greet him properly and kneel. Make him feel good and suck him off." the man in a white coat laughed, pointing at the guy right next to him, dressed in black with a big hood. Tony shivered, obediently went to him and knelt down. Right when he put his trembling hands on man's belt, he was stopped. 

"What the fuck are you doing? Give me that remote." he snarled to the guy in a white coat, took the controller. Then he pulled Tony up. Stark didn't understand, but was shit scared. If he won't execute the command he will be punished, right? They said so. Rumlow shook him, as if trying to wake him up from his thoughts. 

"I've always thought that you wanted to humiliate Stark. Eh... we just wanted to show you he is ready to do as he is told to, he will comply and fullfill your every whim. He will spread his legs and let you fuck him, he can suck you off. He will obey. He will kill your targets without asking, as well as create new weapons. In any case, he has no memories. He don't remember a thing, but he's a genius. Engineer and inventor. He's gifted. That's why we planned a Wipe every two weeks to keep him in a good form. We don't want him to _accidentaly_ remember something, right? We didn't program him, Winter Soldier was a disaster and a mistake, we have learned from this. From the beginning it was fine, but then it got out of control. So this is it, a pure Tony Stark, devoid of memories." one of those guys explained extensively. He was a sciencist. "Honestly, he shouldn't recall anything even without the Wipe, but we prefer to be safe than sorry." 

"Brock, we can't give you him yet, we must now perform a number of tests. We were waiting with them for your arrival. Tomorrow we begin, you will observe. See if you like it..." another man drawled his words with contempt, and lifted Tony's chin upwards. "...or not." 

He felt the needle on the left side of his neck. Injection. Soon after, his knees buckled under him, he lost consciousness. He fell asleep. 

  
  
  


"Why you're screaming? It hurts? Pain is just an illusion," a man laughed kicking him in the ribs... again and again. How long it lasted? An hour? Two? Maybe half a day. His hands were cuffed, as if he was able to do any harm to them. He could not. Strange suction cups with wires were still attached to the chest, each his disobedience or wrong answer resulted in electric shock. A punishment. Pain is an illusion, so they said. But he couldn't take it any longer, again he fell on the floor. Again, the current passed through his body when he couldn't force himself to stand up. Trickle of sweat ran down his forehead. His Handler was sitting on a chair in the corner of the room, watching him. He certainly wasn't happy seeing how his Asset curled in pain on the floor. 

His wounds healed up quickly, but it also hurt. Another rib was mending, once again the tibia in his leg was going back on its place. He stood up. Another day they beat him up, treated with current. He couldn't remember how long it lasted already. Maybe a week, maybe two... Then they forced him to think hard, solve puzzles, memorize information, or connect the wires with broken hands. They threw terribly cold water with ice at him, or water hot enough to burn the skin. Once he passed it all, he was beaten up by some bully. He was meant to win the duel with this thug... He didn't win, so everything started all over again. 

He had no strength to stand up, and he was handcuffed. Even some sort of effective defense was not an option. Once again he was hit in the face, another bone broke. He fell, silently this time, his tired gaze stuck on the cold floor. He felt an electric shock. 

"Stand up." 

"That's enough," a voice came from the corner of the room. His Handler. Tony didn't even had the courage to look at him. He noticed the man was giving him a hand. "Catch up." Tony obediently grabbed an outstretched hand, and was pulled up. He still had trouble maintaining balance, but his Handler held him in place. He was scared. He just showed his weakness and it wasn't good. He'll be punished for this. Probably The Chair is waiting for him. Yes. He already met with The Chair and they became a good friends. 

  
  
  


Another day at the cafeteria in HYDRA's base, Brock instead of eating, was talking to the sciencists about the start of his Asset's combat training. At least some basics of self-defense. He managed to convince them. With a corner of his eye he watched Tony, who was sitting alone in the end of the hall. After a while he noticed that some bully knocked his Asset's food from the table. He saw that Stark wanted to do something, but couldn't. If he attacked a member of HYDRA he would end up on The Chair. So he just crouched down, and began to collect everything from the floor, then that bully kicked him. _What the hell?_ Brock immediately got up and walked over to the guy. Without saying a word, he grabbed him by the collar and slammed against the wall. He threatened him, if once again something like that will happen, he'll be blown up. Then he helped Tony to pick up everything, but didn't let him eat this. He dragged his Asset by force to his own table, and forced to eat his own meal. He wasn't hungry anyway. Tony resisted for a while, but his hunger took over. Don't know why, Crossbones felt some sympathy for him. Supposedly he shouldn't, it was Tony Stark, the enemy of HYDRA, but still... so unaware of anything, defenseless, without memories, like a puppet... Brock couldn't just kick that little puppy aside. No, it wasn't sympathy... It was his own honor and respect. His reputation. Tony was _his_ Asset, _his_ toy. No one should touch his toys. 

"From today on, you eat with me. Understood? You always sit next to me." Brock ordered, glancing at the other man. 

"Understood," he replied automatically. Orders are orders. 

  
  
  


Tony had a small cell, enough space for the firm mattress, and a cabinet with three drawers for clothes. The bathroom was shared, down the hallway to the left. He shared it with other, less important members of HYDRA living in the base. However, it often happened that he slept in the corridor, because some much stronger guys threw him from his own room. Or they took his clothes when he was in the shower, so he returned to his cell naked. At first, he felt bad about it, but then ceased to care. What else he could do? He had no chance in a fight with them, he was weaker and alone. It was still better than The Chair. To face them he would need something... some weapon... 

This time it was exactly the same, they took his clothes when he was in the shower. He wrapped himself tightly in a wet towel, returned to the cell and curled up on the floor. He had wet hair, he was cold but there was nothing he could do. Unluckily - or luckily -, his Handler was passing the corridor this day... 

"Fucking sake," a voice was heard somewhere on the side, someone crouched next to him and wrapped him in a warm jacket. Tony lifted his head, met brown eyes filled with irritation. 

"I'm sorry. I'll get better," Tony suddenly blurted out, pushing his back into the wall. "Please, just not Chair." 

"There will be no fucking chair. Who did this to you? Why are you sitting in the hallway?" Rumlow drawled through gritted teeth. 

"I don't know, I didn't ask. They took my cell," the genius replied pointing at the door to his _room_. 

Brock sighed, reaching under his shirt, he took off his dog tags with a name and hang them on Tony's neck. Then he stood up and pulled him up. He whispered _wait_ into his ear, and broke the door with a single kick. He'll teach them that no one is allowed to play with his toys. He didn't treat them too gently, all of them ran out bloodied, stumbling and shouting. He came out himself right after he got rid of all bullies, at the end he kicked the door lying on the floor. He embraced the frightened Asset with an arm and led him to his apartment. It couldn't be called otherwise. Tons of space, with its own bathroom, kitchen, bar and a large bedroom. He pointed his finger at Tony's chest, which wore now his insignia. 

"My dog tags. If someone will harass you again, show this and tell them they will have to deal with me later." 

Tony didn't understand, he glanced at the badges hanging from his neck. Brock seated him on a comfortable, leather couch and disappeared into the bathroom. He returned with a clean towel, and began to wipe Stark's wet hair. 

"You hungry?" the question was asked, but before Tony could answer, his stomach betrayed him and rumbled pitifully. 

Rumlow smiled, brought him another towel and clean clothes, probably his own. He told him to dry and dress, and he at that time will make him something to eat. Tony obediently performed his command. The clothes were two sizes too big, but they were warm and dry, so he couldn't complain. Brock came back with a plate full of eggs with bacon, two toasts and a cup of hot chocolate. He set a meal before Tony, and sank into the armchair next to him. Asset instantly started eating. 

"I almost forgot. From now on, you live here," Brock said, not even looking at Tony. He turned on the TV and set it to some movie. 

"Here?" the genius asked, not understanding. 

"Yes, here. With me." 

"Understood." 

  
  
  


"Hands higher, this is good. Left leg further back. The blow must come from the shoulder, hand must be straight, lock your wrist or you will break it. Good, strike." 

Over the next weeks, Tony practiced hard the basics of martial arts and self-defense under the watchful eye of his Handler. Every second week, in Saturdays he landed on The Chair. After this he had huge gaps in his memory, but Brock patiently reminded him about everything. They met for the first time regularly every two weeks... but after few days he remembered everything he should know, he just couldn't recall anything before HYDRA. Sciencists halted their tests until Brock will decide the Asset is ready. So he beat a punching bag with all his strength, wanting his Handler to be proud of him. After all, he let Tony live at his place and significantly less people harrased him. Rumlow held him close and this way Tony was more or less safe. 

"Now kick. When you have immobilized hands, you need a support from your legs," 

So Tony kicked. He hit the bag until he dropped to the floor from exhaustion. Then there was a shower and dinner at the cafeteria. He wore a black T-shirt with a crossed bones. Already in his size, but still with Rumlow symbols. His Handler decided it'll be better this way. Everyone threw them inquisitive, curious looks. Suddenly, a woman in a green, long hair that hid half of her face, came to them. 

"You shouldn't flaunt this much," she whispered, leaning over the table. 

"Flaunt?" Rumlow asked, raising an eyebrow. 

"They're watching _you_ ," she looked at Brock. After they ate the meal in silence, the woman spoke again. "You harm yourself. You came back from the dead once, you won't have a second chance. Be careful." 

"You came back from the dead?" Tony asked, but then apologetically lifted his hands up, fear in his eyes. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't." 

"I told you to behave normally with me. Relax, you're safe... And yes, I put a bomb on myself last year and survived the blast," he said after a moment, getting up from the table. " _Extremis_ also flows through my veins, slightly stronger than yours." 

Again this word. _Extremis. _Chills ran down his spine. He still had no idea what is this, but he knew he has it in his blood, and that it heals him...__

  
  
  


Rumlow made a bed for his Asset from a leather couch, he brought soft duvet, few pillows and clean sheets. He dissolved a sleeping pills in a glass of water and gave it to Tony, who trustfully drank everything. He stroked him for a while, when he fell limply on the pillows. 

"Everything will be fine," he whispered, brushing his lips against Tony's forehead, and covered him with a blanket. 

He pulled a communicator from his pocket. A message with calendar was displaying in a corner of the screen. _Planned Wipe: in three hours._ He looked at the sleeping, totally unaware of anything man on the couch. He didn't know if he was doing the right thing, the consequences could be enormous. But he didn't care now. He poured himself a glass of scotch and dialed a number. 

"This is Rumlow. The Asset is not feeling well, probably has a fever. Not bringing him today," he said disconnecting next second. He wasn't going to listen to the answer. He smiled, feeling the drink burns his throat. They said even without The Chair Tony won't be able to remember anything. Nothing bad will happen if he'll skip a session... or maybe two, or more... He laughed, putting the empty glass on the table. _What the fuck am I doing?_ Soon he heard the buzzing of the communicator, he got a message. _Hangar, in thirty minutes,_ that's all. Sender: Viper. 

  


He went to the hangar on time, she was already waiting for him. She went straight to the the point. 

"You're doing wrong. You should regularly bring him to The Chair," she crossed her arms. 

"They said that even without the Wipe he has no right to remember, so I don't under-" 

"So they said?" she interrupted. 

"Well... yes," he replied cautiously, scanning her. Did he miss something? "After all, they brainwashed him three times before applying a virus, there is no possi-" 

"They've applied a small doze of extremis before they began the first Wipe," she interrupted him again. Well, fuck, now he was taken aback. He waited until she starts to continue... until she will explain it because he didn't understand. "They couldn't allow Stark to die on The Chair, they had to secure him somehow. So they injected a small portion of extremis and began Wipe three times, exactly. Small gestures, words... may remind him, some portion of memory will come back to him." 

"I don't get it," he said after a moment, trying to sort it out. 

"You're like a Jon Snow, you know? You know nothing," she sighed leaning back against the cold wall. "If they didn't applied the virus before The Chair, they could damage Stark's brain. In worst case, he would die." 

"Jon who? Whatever. What about that memory?" 

"You see, without the Wipe he can start to remember some details. For example, you give him a cup of coffee, and he will remember that he liked to drink it in another cup, but do not remember the taste of his favorite drink. He may as well recall favorite coffee, but won't know whether he drank it in a mug or cup. He's able to remember only a part of the memory, but this way he can modify it, and _how_ he'll do it... it's a mystery. Recognize the face of his best friend, but remember a bad moment and may consider him as an enemy, or the other way around. Tony Stark is more shaky and risky than the Winter Soldier." 

"Wait a minute... so he'll remember but he won't remember?" 

"I know it sounds terribly silly, but more or less... yes. The full memory comes from when he came to HYDRA, but before – everything is in pieces. A puzzles that can't be solved. Wipe pushes the puzzles from Stark." 

"Got it. More or less. But still I'm not going to send him to The Chair." 

"Do you realize what you want to do?" 

"I'll take my chances." 

"Well, I warned you." 

  
  
  


The next day, Tony passed through the whole test phase. Bloody, with a protruding tibial bone from his leg... he stood straight, over the dead body of the thug. Finally, he succeeded. It took more than half a year... Electricity passed through his body, but he didn't care anymore, he smiled triumphantly. _Insane_ even. He was proud of himself... his Handler will be proud of him. That was the most important, the happiness of his Master. 

"Bravo, Mr. Stark. You are ready for your first mission," the man in the white coat said, throwing on floor some papers. Photos, documents. He reached for them with a trembling hand, and began to browse. 

"Assassination. Target: Virginia Potts. Location..." he muttered to himself. _Who is this?_ Nevermind. She was his mission, just another step to make his Handler be proud of him. Brock came for him a moment later... 

  
  
  
  
_**Is anybody there?**_  
_**Does anybody care**_  
_**What I'm feeling?**_  
_**I wanna disappear**_  
_**So nobody can hear**_  
_**Me when I'm screamin'**_  
  
_**they say pain is an illusion**_  
_**This is just a bruise**_  
_**And you are just confused**_  
_**But I am only human**_  
_**I could use a hand sometimes**_  
_**I am only human**_ **  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * - Alan W. Watts  
> ** - Song, Krewella - Human: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aGRE1wWS_CA


	7. Savin' Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Broken memory, death crawling behind, the accident... was it really an accident?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wooot is dis? Wwwwwww  
> This is more like Brock-ish chapter. Next will be Bucky-ish. ^o^  
> I might not have time next week to write, RIP me, RIP you, RIP all. 
> 
> No, I don't hate Steve.  
> No, I'm not going for 3-some.  
> Everything else is a mystery, even for me.
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> **Thanks, love you all <3**

  
  
_If you can't fly then run, if you can't run then walk, if you can't walk then crawl, but whatever you do, you have to keep moving forward.*_  
  
  


_**\- Wakanda, 2 months later -**_

" _Virginia 'Pepper' Potts has been murdered last night, during a regular visit to the Stark Tower._ " said a woman on TV. He switched the channel, but every other were displaying the same information. Pepper Potts is dead. 

"Who the hell is she?" he asked loud at some point. 

"She was Stark's fiancee, CEO of SI," came a female voice from the kitchen. 

"Tony had a fiancee?" 

" _It is assumed that eight months ago, Anthony's Edward Stark plane crash wasn't an accident, and he was also the victim of the assassination..._ " He turned off the TV, threw the remote against the wall, it shattered. The woman brought him hot tea and sandwiches. 

"They never found the body and everyone think he's dead," he growled and kicked the back of the couch on which he way lying. 

"Bucky..." the woman began, and stroked his hand sympathetically. She accepted Tony is dead too. He was dead for all of them. They put a tombstone in a cemetery _for the great inventor and mind._. Or whatever. An empty coffin. But Bucky still believed... he felt that Tony somehow survived, that he lives somewhere out there... They flew to the crash site the next day after the accident, but couldn't find anything. "...Tony is dead." 

He rose from his place like he's been scalded, gave Natasha a contemptuous look and left. Tony lives. That's it. He must... 

  
  
  


_**\- HYDRA -**_

Someone put a hand on his knee. _Who is this?_ He shifted, after a while he realized that he was chained to a chair. His eyes opened wide, he panicked, got scared, he wanted to get away. The man kneeling before him, patted him calmly on the thigh. 

"Shhh... stay still, I'll unchain you. Do you remember me?" the man asked, entering the code on the side of the metal hinges. 

"Brock Rumlow. My Handler," he replied without hesitation. He had free hands and feet now, but had no strength to move up. Everything hurt him, he was tired, he wanted to sleep. Tears themselves ran down his cheeks. It hurts. It hurts. 

"Shhh, Tony. It's okay. Everything will be fine," Brock patted him on the head, then picked him up and took to their shared quarters. Along the way they encountered a woman in a green hair, he thanked her for something. He said something that he has a huge debt for what she had done. She just shook her head. Tony had no idea what it could be, he didn't remember anything. 

It was the first time Tony saw his Handler's bedroom. From what he could remember – he was never allowed to enter here. There was a huge bed in the middle and pleasing to the eye gloom lightened by crimson lamp. Brock helped him to undress and covered him with a blanket. Bedding was soft, pleasant to the touch, he merged with it, quietly purring. His Handler sat on the edge of the bed and stroked his head. 

"You haven't sleep for a week, how you feelin'? Want something to drink? Or just sleep?" 

"I haven't sleep for a week?" Tony asked, his memory was in pieces. 

"We were on a mission, when we returned they took you on interrogation, then you landed on chair." 

"I fucked up?" 

No. Everything went fine, mission was completed," Rumlow reassured him. Tony asked him for a glass of water, but immediately fell asleep as soon as his handler left the room. 

  


He woke up two days later. His Handler wasn't home, so he took a shower, ate cereal with milk and went back to bed. He had no idea where he could find Brock, and he didn't want to leave a safe place for no reason. He noticed a small note and communicator on a cabinet. 

_**If you'll need me.**_

He got a communicator, the first thing that was really _his_. His Handler's number was saved into the contacts. He could call him anytime, but didn't want to disturb him. With huge smile on a face, he clutched _his_ item. He crawled back under the covers, snuggling up to the pillow. Nothing else to do anyway. Sleep came fast. 

  


When he woke up again, it was much better. He felt someone's fingers stroking his cheek, purred in response. He heard laughter. He opened his eyes, but whole bedroom was surrounded by darkness. 

"Wake up, Sleeping Beauty. You really spent all this time in bed?" 

"Sleeping Beauty was awakened with a kiss," he said, stretching lazily in place. For a long while silence entered the room, Tony got scared he said something wrong. Panic seized him. He rose up a bit and felt warm weight on himself. A lamp on the nightstand shimmered with a red light. Before his eyes there was a face of his Handler. He instantly froze, didn't know what he could expect. Will he hit him? Yet, that panic inside him was soon covered with a different feeling. It was warm, oddly pleasant. For some reason he wanted to pull Brock, but couldn't do it. He bit his lip. 

"Kiss, hm?" Brock asked, raising an eyebrow and laughed softly. Tony nodded slowly. _Yes. Yes. Yes._

His Handler's lips were just millimeters from his own. He couldn't resist, fuck the consequences. He kissed him. He was afraid that Brock will move away, but instead he kissed back, slightly deepening it. Tony gasped, grabbed him by the shirt and pulled on the pillows. Rumlow gently bit the genius' lower lip. With wet kisses he pointed the way to the collarbone. Stark moaned, nervously moving his hips, brushing himself against his Handler's thigh. He felt a hand slip under his shirt, fingers touching his nipples. Fingers that were replaced soon after by lips and skillful tongue. Tony's spine arched, he wanted more, he wanted to touch Buck-...... what? _And who the hell was that? Nevermind. A temporary dizziness._ He caught the other man's short hair and pulled him back for a kiss. Then... a communicator started to beep horribly loud. 

"Turn it off," Tony muttered, trying to keep Brock in bed but failed. 

"Can't," his Handler replied dryly, and answered the call. "Here's Rumlow... Yeh, I'll be there," he hung up, put communicator in a pocket and looked at Tony. "We have a job." 

Tony muttered unhappy, like a small child that didn't get his gifts. Rumlow laughed, giving him sincere, affectionate smile. He threw him clean clothes on the bed and left. 

  
  
  


"Will you accompany us?" 

"They don't trust you anymore," said the woman in the green hair. Viper. Or Madame Hydra, whatever you prefer to call her. "What did you do this time?" 

"Perhaps I got lost somewhere between the first lie, and the second," Rumlow replied, quite frankly. 

The last days he spent in a small room with one of HYDRA's leaders, and with group of sciencists. They blamed him for everything they could, mainly... the Asset and experiments. They asked a lot of questions, and he... he lied. He couldn't tell them the truth. If they found out what relationship was between him and Tony...  
_Biggest problem with lying is that you have to have a good memory. Lying is like building a house of cards: each new card must be placed more carefully; even for a moment you can't look away from the unstable structure on which you intend to rely on. You won't include the little detail of the previously accumulated falsehood - and everything will collapse. Lie has another special feature: it never ends on one card.**_ Perhaps he made a mistake somewhere and they noticed. Wanting to keep Tony close could cost him a lot. At what point he stopped to be his own reputation? 

"...Brock?" someone tugged his jacket sleeve. Tony. Tony Stark. He pulled a confused man to himself and hugged him. He won't allow anyone to hurt him. If he'll have to, then he... 

"What's the mission?" he asked glancing at Viper. She just shook her head in resignation, she was probably explaining everything when he was daydreaming. 

"Someone attacked the Hydra base in Nevada. We need to recover the documents and blow it into the air." 

"Let's go then." 

  
  
  


However, the mission didn't go according to plan. Of course, they recovered documents. They scanned them through communicators to own a digital version, physical ones were burnt. Whole base was now covered in a smoke, they barely could see each other in this mess. Tony went through all the rooms in the basement, it seemed that he found nothing more... The doors and walls were all in bullet holes. People who attacked this base had to be armed to the teeth. Not to mention the fact that HYDRA left here only a dozen people. They all were dead now. Well, it wasn't the _Main Base_ after all. From a metal drawer fell out some more documents. _Stark._ Stark? Wasn't this his last name? He opened the files and saw photos of some people, a woman and a man. _Maria and Howard Stark._ He had no idea who it was, but they shared the same last name. _Super soldier serum.... Extremis._ Again this. He put a communicator near, scanned the files and tossed them into a corner. Fuck extremis. He pulled a lighter from his back pocket and set fire to everything, then left the explosives. Meantime, he got a message from his Handler to get out of the building 'cause everything can collapse any moment. Something went wrong and several sectors exploded before time. He ran from the room to the fire escape. Elevators weren't working anymore. They met just before the main entrance, and when they thought it's all over and they can finally go home, floor broke beneath their feet. Viper and Brock jumped in time, but Tony was standing still in a place, frozen. He couldn't move, even though he really wanted to. Something paralyzed him, face of a woman from those files flashed before his eyes. _Maria Stark._ He heard someone shouting from afar. A sewage pipe broke somewhere over their heads, cold water poured out on them. Tony fell somewhere in the abyss, he tried to catch something, but the water made everything terribly slippy. The last he remembered was a horrified look of his Handler. Then the darkness swallowed everything. 

  


He woke up outside the building when it was already over. He was sitting on the ground, tightly nestled in Brock's arms, who was reassuringly swaying from side to side. But he was calming more himself, than Tony. 

Viper caught the rope on the ceiling and jumped after him and pulled him out. She saved him. She was now sitting on a half-ruined stone wall, smiled at him when their eyes met. After a while she walked slowly towards them and crouched. 

"How you feeling, Tony? Everything okay?" she asked, and he just nodded. _Nothing is okay._ He was tired, his head ached, he almost died. He hid his face in Brock's neck. "And you, Rumlow?" 

"That debt is growing..." his Handler murmured with a low, coarse voice like he had trouble to speak. 

"Want to pay it off? Hot coffee and a good dinner. Could also use a bed. You know the area, what you suggest?" 

"Well... I have a house at Lake Tahoe... Maybe not luxuries, but no one will look after us there. Somewhere off the way was a restaurant." 

"They pack takeout? I don't want to stay there for too long." 

"Sure," he replied, and Viper went towards the car. 

"Brock." Tony said suddenly. 

"Yes?" 

"You ever had a long hair?" 

"You don't like short anymore?" Rumlow laughed quietly, answering a question with a question. 

"Or... did you had a colored contact lenses? Grey ones?" 

"Why these questions?" Brock was pretty confused at this point. 

"Just..." 

"I never had long hair, I don't use lens." 

"Then who is this...?" 

"Who?" he asked moving Stark slighly away from himself, to look at him. But Tony said nothing more, he lost consciousness. 

  
  
  


They drove a black Hummer, which he had stolen earlier from a parking lot. They traveled along some old, long-forgotten route among the trees. It turned out that the restaurant they were talking about earlier, ceased to exist some time ago. The building was overgrown with vines, walls were demolished. Whole area looked like after the war. But what to expect having a HYDRA base so close... all in all, a former base. Now the rubble and ash remains there. In less than half an hour, evening had came and they found themselves on the banks of the lake. There stood a wooden, storey cottage. It looked abandoned and old. A few meters before it, the bridge led to the water. By the light of the setting sun, this place looked really magical. They could hear only the gentle sound of water and birds singing. Brock kicked the front door, which immediately dropped out of the hinges under such pressure. He didn't had the keys, so he had to deal with it somehow. They pulled out of the trunk several blankets and food leftovers – few skewers, and some veggies. It wasn't much, but it had to do. The evening was pleasantly warm, they lit a fire outside and the three of them sat down, sipping hot coffee. Tony placed himself next to Brock, head resting on the other man's shoulder, lost in his own thoughts. Viper took place in front of them, watching carefully. Stark apparently didn't care, clinging to his Handler for good. And Brock... somewhere at the bottom of his heart, remorse was storing. He felt guilty. Tomorrow morning they will have to return to the base... 

They ate everything they had. Then he brought Viper to the guest's room, Tony to a small bedroom that was _his_ years ago, and he went on a half-eaten by moths couch. Covered with a blanket, he closed his eyes, but he couldn't fall asleep. In the end, he threw a blanket on the floor, upset, and went outside. He sat on the platform, cross-legged, and lifted his head up. The darkness of the night was brightened by a million stars sparkling in the sky, full moon reflecting in the water. He could hear the wolves howling in the distance. What if morning would never come? He sighed, laying on a rigid, wooden boards. This place really was magical in its own way... The last time he came here was ages ago, when he killed a man for the first time... He was so young and stupid... 

"You could stay here," came a voice from behind. Viper. He didn't move, still staring at the sky. "...together with him." 

"Foolish words," he replied in a rough voice, when a woman came up to him. 

"No one would find you here. I could go back to base alone, I'd say you both died during the escape." 

"You offer me a desertion?" he raised up on his elbows, giving her a strange look. 

"Don't say you haven't thought about it... I wouldn't say anything, you know me. I'd give my life for you," she smiled and turned her eyes to the stars. "You got attached." 

"What is this bullshit?" he snapped, frowning. 

"To Stark. You became attached to him. Back then, when we ran from base, he got a panic attack, nearly died... you didn't want to let go off him. You sat on the ground with him for good few hours, 'till he woke up. Stark is your weak point. I think that _they_ also noticed this..." 

"They'll find us," he replied. He wanted to argue about it, he doesn't have weak points... and certainly he doesn't became _attached_. But he couldn't. Tony for some time ceased to be just a toy for him. 

"I'd never guess you have a house in such place. You don't have this written in papers." 

"Old times. I wouldn't guess I'll come back here," he paused for a moment and turned his head to the side. "Desertion and escape don't make sense. They'll find us, and if they do, they'll kill us. You know it, I know it, everyone does. I don't care about myself, but... I even thought about leaving him with his best friend. James Rhodes... or whatever his name is..." 

"If you stay here..." 

"I can't," _I just can't._

"I could help you..." 

"In the morning we'll be _at home_ ," he said dryly, stood up and went back to the hut. On the couch. There is no need to still drag this topic. They will go back to the base. That would be best. 

  
  
  


They returned to the base in full silence. Brock's spirit was in the cottage on the lake, Tony was asleep and Viper preferred not to bring uncomfortable topics. After returning they passed the report, as usual Brock lied and made thousand excuses why Tony can't go on chair. Instead, he earned him a scrap shop so he could tinker there. He could not allow the repetition of what happened on the previous mission. He told him to create a flying armor, or even some boosters. Stark nodded, he knew what to do. He locked himself in the workshop where he spent another month. 

Brock, as usual, carried a dinner to the Tony's workshop, talked with him briefly and went toward the exit. Their relationship cooled down a little, Rumlow tried to keep his Asset at a distance. For Tony's safety. He wanted to take him in his arms, he wanted him to be close, but couldn't do anything. They would harm him. Viper had told him that _they've already noticed_... that means his relationship with Stark. _They_ , that means sciencists. Sciencists who kept hearing refusals to brainwash the Asset, refusals for more and more experiments and tests....  
He bumped into someone. Viper. She gave him a warm smile. 

"How's Tony?" she asked, immediately taking him by the arm. 

"Creates weapons. You know, so there's nothing to endanger his life." 

"That's good," she dragged him to an empty corridor. "I got a bad news. Scientists have created the accelerator. For you." 

"Do I want to know what is this?" 

"Accelerator destroy your extremis. In other words, it will kill you. Extremis effects will be reversed and all the damage that was healed will return within a month. You survived a bomb? Within a month you will shatter," she explained in a low voice. 

"What...." he leaned back against the wall, feeling like his world is shakin, he wasn't expecting _this_. "If something happens to me, then Tony... remember I told you I had an idea to leave him with his be-" 

"James Rhodes, yes I remember. But this is not an option. James Rhodes works with Steve Rogers." 

"I missed something again? What does this have in common?" 

"Brock... do you know how HYDRA got Tony? His plane crash?" she sighed, turning away from him. "Steve Rogers gave all the information to HYDRA, the coords. Steve Rogers sold Stark to HYDRA." 

Rumlow felt like he got hit in the face by a brick. From what he could remember, Steve was Stark's _friend_. A lot of facts eluded him recently... But if Steve sold him to HYDRA that would mean... This desertion wasn't this stupid anymore... 

"Brock, are you listening to me?" 

"Yes?" 

"We got another mission. Laboratory in New York. We have to get these samples," she showed him the documents, but he didn't even look at them. He stared into her emerald eyes. "High chance of meeting Steve Rogers there." 

"He has only me now..." he finally managed to say. Viper hugged him tightly. 

"Take him somewhere after this mission. Do not come back here anymore. I will help as much as I can." 

  
  
  
_**\- New York. Mission number 3 -** _  


"Run!" Brock yelled blocking the path of some red-haired woman in black clothes. 

"But..." 

"Do as I say!" 

So Tony ran. The stairs to the top. On the roof. He was shot in the leg by something. Limping, having no longer any other way to escape - he jumped off the roof. He had no time to test his equipment before. He was just hoping that everything will work. Repulsors placed on the soles of shoes and gloves, all powered by arc reactor, that was placed at waist belt. He fell. Fast. _Don't panic._ When he was about to collide with the ground, he managed to fire repulsors in the shoes. He rose unsteadily above the surface. He laughed triumphantly and turned around in place. The mask he wore dropped down from his face. He landed safely on the sidewalk. 

"I see that HYDRA learned to fly" he heard someone's annoyed voice from behind. 

"Pfff," he snorted, turning on his heels and pointed a repulsor glove at unwelcomed guest. 

"Tony?!" this guy's voice radically changed. Now it was full of disbelief and surprise. 

"I see that I'm quite popular. Who are you?" he asked, frowning. 

"Tony, baby, it's me..." the man began, but Tony silenced him with a wave of his hand. 

He looked vaguely familiar. Gray eyes, wavy hair to his shoulders... Metal arm? He had no idea who this guy was, but he thought he knew him. That was exactly the same guy who haunted him every night in his dreams. But he had no time to think about it any longer, Brock was stuck in the building, he had to get him out. He launched back the repulsors, lifted off the ground and flew out of the sight. 

_Who are you?_

  
  
  
  
_**Show me what it’s like**_  
_**To be the last one standing**_  
_**And teach me wrong from right**_  
_**And I’ll show you what I can be**_  
  
_**And say it for me**_  
_**Say it to me**_  
_**And I’ll leave this life behind me**_  
_**Say it if it’s worth savin' me**_  
  
_**Hurry I’m fallin’**_ ***  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * - Martin Luther King Jr.  
> ** - quote from "Futu.re", Dmitry Glukhovsky  
> *** - Nickelback - Savin' Me: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_JQiEs32SqQ


	8. Beating heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve and Bucky trying to fix their friendship, but it goes wrong so...  
>   
>  _You've been ground right down_  
>  _And tangled up in the middle_  
>  _But don't neglect what's real_  
>  _Don't be so brittle_  
>   
>  _Burning embers tell a story that_  
>  _You can't remember_  
>  _Gotta find a way out_  
>  _Close your eyes, forget your fears then_  
>  _You can remember_  
>  _How to find your way out_  
>   
>  _Not gonna let you down*_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Somehow, I'm proud of this one. 
> 
> Sorry, we're not getting rid of Steve yet!  
> Enjoy! ^^

" _Being with you never felt wrong. It's the one thing I did right. You're the one thing I did right._ **" 

  
  
  


"I learned that shortly after the Tony's plane crash, HYDRA has gained a new _Asset_ " first voice belonged to a woman. 

"It wasn't _him_. You hallucinating. Stark is dead," the second voice belonged to the man. 

"Say it one more time, Rogers and I'll make you a bloody mess," the other said through clenched teeth, everyone were gathered around him. 

"Bucky... you mistook someone with him already..." 

"Shockin'! You surprised?!" he growled again. 

"A bit, yes. You're acting like a teenager in love. You didn't even know him at all," Steve spitted out, as if offended. 

Bucky tried to rebuild his friendship with Steve after all. It was going quite well, until the topic didn't come down to Stark. Natasha didn't find any excuses for him as well. She also believed everything that happened in Wakanda had gone too far in too short period of time, but she at least tried to give him some understanding and support. All in all, probably everyone took his puppy love for Tony, as some absurdity. 

They all were living in New York now, in Stark's Tower, which now officialy belonged to James Rhodes. And exactly one day before, authorities asked Steve and their small crew for help when HYDRA stormed to a secret lab. They allowed Bucky to join them, earlier he was even given the SSN and was removed from the _list of dangerous and sought after._ Yes. He was taken on his first action, and had already ruined everything. He let HYDRA escape with samples of a virus just because he took someone for _**HIS**_ Tony. But it was _**HIM**_ , he could swear on everything, on his own life. His baby just didn't recognized him. It bothered him. What they did to him... _They brainwashed him,_ the voice in head replied for him. Yes, Winter. For the first time in a long, he voluntarily contacted him. This awoke a hope in his heart. 

"Perhaps I didn't know. It was not until I started to get to know him. I tried to make him happy, to make him smile. I wanted to give him everythin' he wanted when _**YOU**_ were yellin' at him for no reason. And then you blamed him for everythin'. You're nothin', Steve! Complete zero!" 

"Stop, both of you!" Natasha interrupted, sending a deathglare to both of them. "We need to find out who is the new HYDRA's Asset... If it's really Tony..." 

"Stark is dead." 

" **SHUT THE FUCK UP, STEVE!** " he shouted, and stormed out of the room. 

  


A year had passed since Tony's accident. Whole year. And after all this time, as if nothing happened, he meets him during his first action. Maybe a little younger, a little, just a few years. God knows what HYDRA did to him. HYDRA can do anything, and he knew it. 

He tried to cure himself somehow, to push thoughts of Stark away, tried to stop thinking about him. Especially when everyone kept telling him it was only a passing crush, and will go away soon. He really tried, but each day made it worse. More and more, he missed a notorious chatter, even forever turned on lights in the workshop... almost every night he came over to the couch where Tony had slept... was looking for him... When they moved to Stark's Tower it was unbearable. They had no access to the penthouse and workshop, FRIDAY effectively prevented the entry. It was Tony's private space, no one without permission could go in there, even now. It was Rhodes' idea to move here once he got the act of ownership. He claimed that Tony would have wished... that his friends had a roof over theirs heads. Besides workshop and penthouse they had access to all the rest. But Bucky spent most of the time in his room, it was a small, customized to his needs. 

FRIDAY often recorded her creator, she shared these recordings with him, so he sat for hours on the bed and watched. At least in such way he could have him close. And then he met Vision, who told him various stories about Tony. Always when he talked about him, his voice expressed a great admiration and respect. Bucky was impressed. And when he slowly began to get used to the idea that Tony had left him, that he actually didn't survive the accident... suddenly he appears. Also a tight pain in his chest appears with it, is indescribable and unbearable. _He was so close, and yet beyond my reach. Didn't even remember me._ It hurt. 

He was also banned from leaving the tower farther than one mile. They put a metal band on his wrist – a tracker – and told him to _always wear it._ Truthfully, he tried to break it up, but couldn't. Only FRIDAY could remove it. They didn't trust him. Frequent attacks on Steve just confirmed it all, _Winter Soldier is still unstable and dangerous._ But it wasn't the Winter Soldier. It was him, Bucky. Winter slept peacefully inside him, refusing to come outside, he stopped replying to messages in their diary, stopped talking. Until now. He needed Tony. They both needed him... 

"Bucky, wait," Natasha's voice came from behind him. "We'll find him." 

"So suddenly _we'll find him_?! And what was before?! You all surrendered and accepted him dead! Where you've been all this time?!" he screamed, he couldn't stop himself. Anger took over. 

"You're unfair. We were looking for him." 

"For the first month, then you surrendered. You told me to sit in four walls, wherever you took me I was like a dog on a leash. Sit and be quiet and maybe you'll earn a cookie. You never let me look for him! _**NEVER!**_ " he hit a wall with his left fist, making there a large hole. 

"I admit we've made a mistake. But all the evidence told us that Stark is dead. We won't give up anymore, I promise. Can you go now to Steve and apologize to him? He was the one who tried to find Stark harder than the rest... and you're just being aggressive towards him from the start. Steve know he was harsh for him, he tries hard to fix it." 

"He always sa-" 

"He's saying this to not raise your hopes, but he really is doing all he can. He was terribly worried when Stark had that accident." she put her hand on his shoulder and smiled slightly. _Fine._

"...I'll apologize to him."  


  


"Steve..." he began when he found the blonde training in the gym. He turned to him while holding a punching bag in place. Bucky swallowed hard and stepped closer. "...I'm sorry." 

"I admit it's the last thing I'd expect from you," Steve said with evident irony. 

"I know I've been acting like a dick lately, but it's too much for me," Bucky lowered his head and took a deep breath. "I really care about him, Steve. As soon as I think he is somewhere out there, that they doing same things to him that they did to me... I'm going crazy, I don't know what to do. I want to smash something, I want to scream..." 

Steve sighed and hugged the brunet. Bucky couldn't bear it any longer and started to cry. It was the only thing he could do at the moment. He felt powerless. He couldn't sit in one place, but also couldn't leave it. If not for this fucking tracker, he'd be on his way to Tony long ago. He would find him, right? But if he left the _safe zone_ they would bring him back immediately. And he'd end up in Hulk's cage. So he sticked to designated areas, hoping that the rest of the group could handle everything by themselves. He helped them from the Tower as much as he could. But he couldn't bear it. He remembered what HYDRA did to him, he remembered it all. And those memories were not nice. Tortures, chair, all of this... 

"Apology accepted," Steve finally said, kissing the other man's forehead. "I promise I'll do everything I can to check that new Asset." 

  


During the night, he was awakened by a nightmare. He saw Tony sitting on The Chair, he heard him screaming, crying and trying to break free. Steel hinges held him in place. He wanted to run to him, to help him... but he ran in a place, couldn't get close to him. He tried to shout, but his voice didn't come. Some crazy sciencist appeared over Tony, grinning madly. He typed some commands into the computer. _No._ And then Tony raised his head and looked straight at him. Those big brown eyes... this time red from crying, full of fear, begging for help. Something buzzed, the genius curled up in a place, screaming in pain. When Bucky looked back at him, those eyes were empty, devoid of fear, deprived of everything... _Ready to Comply._

Bucky buried his face in hands, trying to calm his shallow breathing. Fighting back the tears. Steve stood in the doorway, he looked worried. He had a room next to his own. _I had to scream..._

"You want me to stay?" he asked standing still in the doorway. 

"Yes." 

  
  
  


The next day, all but Bucky set off to search for the new HYDRA's Asset. They had no idea where to go and where to start, so they splitted. From what he knew, HYDRA had only three working chairs and one was in Siberia. He highly doubted they would take Tony _there_ , but his group had to check that place as well... And he was sitting in the Stark's Tower, watching another old tape. The next record, however, was not as fun as the previous one. Scattered bottles of scotch on the table. Tony standing before his armor with a bleeding hand. Broken glass on the floor. A robot trying to treat his wounds. 

"This record is different..." he whispered, carefully watching the scene before his eyes. 

"The video was recorded eleven months and three weeks ago. Two and a half weeks before departure to Wakanda," FRIDAY prompted. Bucky shuddered, he completely forgot about her existence. "Sir is prone to alcohol abuse." 

"This will have to change when he gets back home," he said falling back on the pillows. FRIDAY didn't answer. 

  
  
  


A week passed, two weeks. Month, Three months... six months. Neither Tony, nor a group of ex-Avengers didn't return. He received regular information that they found nothing. But they discovered the damaged and burned HYDRA's old base, where was one of the chairs. Two out of three then. The last one left, where was it? In the end, he got a message from Steve that it's like looking for a needle in a haystack, and they should return home. He also said they should wait for HYDRA's next move, otherwise it's not making sense. That their base can be anywhere. Bucky yelled at him over the phone, and then threw it against the wall. They said they won't give up this time... another lie. _You must get out of here,_ said a voice in his head. But how? _Let me._ He suddenly felt like something takes over the control of him, but didn't fight it. Winter Soldier was his last resort. 

"FRIDAY, I need you to either remove my tracker or to falsify the signal. Otherwise I will turn you off," he began, shifting from foot to foot. _Are you threatening his AI?! What are you doing?!_

"Ah, a Winter Soldier. You know well my job is to keep you in the tower, and I doubt you could get into my system," she replied politely, but her tone was a bit... cheeky? "May I know where are you going?" 

"I think you know the answer. If not me, then who? Those cretins wouldn't find a cow even if you'd put it before them." 

"Very well. Could you take the elevator to the basement? DUM-E might have something to fix your problem, Soldier." 

Saying no more, he went to the elevator, which led him to the workshop. The door before him opened without any problems. Access was granted. A robot came at him, the same he saw on the recordings some time ago. DUM-E. It reached out to him its claw, Winter held out his hand with a tracker. Apparently it already received a guidance of what to do. Pressed something, then moved, mechanism was shifted and the band fell to the floor. And then it began to poke him with its claw, as if trying to tell him to go and do his job. That he has to bring his creator back home. 

"I won't come back without him, buddy. I'll bring him back safe and sound." 

"We keep you at your word, Soldier." FRIDAY said opening some door. She trusted him, and he won't fail her. "Door leads to the garage. I advise to take some unobtrusive car." 

According to Winter, all the cars were too extravagant. In the corner of the garage, however, he spotted a motorcycle. Somewhere nearby, on the shelf lied gleaming black helmet with a tinted visor. Perfect. FRIDAY guided him also to the desk on which he found a credit card – in case he'll need the money. Garage door opened, and thus he left the Stark's Tower. He just didn't know where to go, where to start... The helmet apparently had installed speakers, he heard FRIDAY's voice. 

"Samples that HYDRA stole half a year ago were a very rare virus. Based on the first Extremis, but modified to fight it. It was created to fight against AIM, but it wasn't officially approved. That was the last recorded track of HYDRA's activity. I do not know if this will help." 

"HYDRA worked on the genetics and played with biochemistry in only two places... One was the original base of HYDRA, Siberia. Now there is nothing there. Second was Canada, but it was small and shit place, maybe it changed... FRIDAY, you're genius." 

"Special thanks to my Master." 

Winter smiled to himself, adding more speed. Skillfully avoided all the obstacles on the road. _You whore, slow down, _Bucky's voice echoed in his mind.__

"Shut up already." 

  
  
  


It was strange to feel the freedom once again. Especially, when he had a very important mission to accomplish. Tony Stark, his mission. However, Canada was huge... He was searching carefully, but found nothing. After two exhausting weeks he was badly in need of sleep, so he stopped at a hostel in a small town surrounded by the forests. He took a room, for the first time using Stark's card. Since the hostel was far away from luxuries, they didn't check the data of their customers. The woman just gave him an odd look, he smiled to her as kindly as he could – so she wouldn't gain more suspicions. He was dirty, hair stuck out in all directions, and the clothes were in shreds. He looked like a typical beggar... who paid with a limitless credit card... Not weird at all. He got the keys, but instead of going straight into the shower, he went outside to buy clothes and a razor. When he left the store with his items he heard someone's voice in a dark alley. He stopped near, pretending to checking the messages on a phone. 

"Dunno, haven't seen him since Rumlow took him to his room," the voice belonged to a man. It was low, rough, guy was probably old. 

"Hahaha if they gave me Stark's ass, I'd also prefer to keep him in bed," the second male voice was much younger. 

"Apparently they want to temper Brock for what he's doing. I wonder what that psycho done this time." 

"Dunno, but the new leader will sort things up with him." 

"The new leader?" 

"You haven't heard? We got someone new. Anyway... ya'll meet him in a week." 

Winter glanced towards the dark alley, then went to the hostel. He heard enough. He was close to his target. Since HYDRA is here, in the town, the base must be near. He took a hot shower, shaved himself and tired fell onto bed. The last thing he thought about was that HDYRA has a new leader now, and Tony is with Rumlow. He gave control to Bucky for whole week. He had to regenerate. He also had to wait. 

A week has passed quite peacefully. Bucky did nothing suspicious and stayed out of sight, though he was asked several times in the bar if he's from HYDRA. No matter what would he reply it'd be bad, so he shrugged and left. He didn't understand why Winter wants to wait whole week, since the base was near, he didn't get a response when he asked. And when the seven days had passed, Winter bluntly took control when Bucky took a nap in the middle of the day. 

Reaching the HYDRA's base took him less than two hours, it was located in the middle of some jungle. Well hidden among all the flora. From a distance he noticed two guards walking around. He came as close as he could, so as not to get noticed. He waited until one of them came close enough to whack him with his left hand in the back of the head. Guy immediately fell dead, didn't even squeak. Winter snorted taking the rifle, dagger, plain pistol and jacket from the dead man. He also took goggles, mask and gloves. He had to cover his face and hand when he entered inside, so no one could recognize him. Good thing was that Bucky was sleeping inside, otherwise he would fall into a frenzy 'cause Winter is killing again. Was there another choice, though? Besides, this is HYDRA. He entered the base unnoticed. He went a few floors down. _They definitely keep my baby somewhere at the bottom of this shit._ As he walked down the hall he saw a familiar face. Brock Rumlow was arguing with a woman in the green. They were so absorbed by insulting each other, that they didn't even pay attention to him. He stopped near them, so he could hear what this mess is about. In a small town, back in that alley they said Rumlow is _taking care_ of Tony, maybe he could hear some useful information. However, someone interrupted him. 

"Duuuude, it's dark like in the ass and you're wearing goggles? You crazy?" some guy spoke standing just in front of him with crossed arms over the chest, he was taller than him by a head. "No matter. Soon we meet with new leader. What'cha think, who it gonna be? Maybe Madame Hydra? Dat sexy beast." 

Winter shrugged, hardly interested. _Segment 4B, the Cryo chamber,_ came to his ears. He must go there. The guy who accosted him, however, didn't give up. Still talking shit, he took him up by the arm and dragged somewhere. They were walking right behind still arguing duo. _Not this way._ Winter gritted his teeth and pushed strange guy towards the narrow storeroom on the sidelines. 

"Ya man. Here, now? Seriously you're weirdo," the guy laughed putting his greasy hands on Winter's hips. The Soldier only snorted and slit the other guy's throat with a dagger stolen earlier. He didn't had time to realize what was happening. _Stupid loser._

Along the way, he got rid of every camera he noticed. The door to the segment 4B were closed, there was no lock. But was that panel which required access code. One mistake and all this will be for nothing... He closed his eyes, trying to recall his codebreaking training. From what he could remember, these doors could be easily opened from the inside... no alarm and such. He glanced at the ceiling. Vents. Before he entered them, he kicked two dead bodies lying on the floor. They also had no idea from which side death came. Now they were paiting a sticky red image on the floor with their own blood. For a few good minutes he pushed his way through the metal, dirty tube. He finally reached his destination. Room full of computer screens, all snowy. Probably the cameras. At the center of the room stood cryogenic chamber and inside was the love of his life. Tony. Tears themselves came to his eyes, he fell on the knees before him. Suddenly three figures emerged from the darkness. Three surprised guys raised the guns and aimed them at him. Winter just laughed silently and immediately found himself behind them. He stabbed one with a dagger in the neck, smashed skull of the second with left hand and offered third guy a bullet in the head. Poor opponents. It was too easy. Then he noticed that the door of the room were wide open. His heart pounded loud. Something was wrong. _They noticed._ He walked towards the chamber. Metal hinges kept the genius in place, he grabbed them with his left hand. They didn't break right away, he had to pull them a few times. He caught a frail body of his lover in his arms, when he slid out of this cold box. 

"You're safe now," he whispered, brushing his cheek against the top of Tony's head. The world suddenly ceased to exist. It was just him and Tony. "I'm taking you with me." 

He took _his_ baby in his arms and quickly left the segment 4B. He thought that leaving the HYDRA's base will be much more difficult, than entering it, especially when someone had figured out something is wrong... But no. He just saw Rumlow walking down the hall. He looked upset, a broken camera tightly gripped in his hand. Winter instantly hid both of them in the cavity of a door. Fortunately, Brock was so upset that he didn't notice them hiding in the shadows. He sighed with a relief and fled by the same corridor from which the man came. Now all HYDRA members were on their meeting with the new leader, so he met noone else on his way. Once he left the building, he strapped Tony to motorcycle which he left around fifteen minutes away from the base. He put a helmet on the genius' head, wrapped his hands around own waist and handcuffed his wrists. He couldn't allow his baby to fell. He made sure that everything is ok and drove off. Didn't stop in the same town, he couldn't. Too dangerous. On top of that, night had came, he wasted a lot of time in HYDRA's place and didn't even notice that. It all happened so fast... He felt a body behind him shifts, Tony was coming back to life from the frozen world. He stopped on the way at some gas station, when he started to run out of fuel. The guy who helped him refuel was staring at him like he was some crazy mofo. Maybe he was. Blood on his clothes, blood in his hair... Winter felt that he probably wanted to call the police, but for his own safety, he didn't. Good. One corpse less. One less thing to worry for Bucky. One step closer to safety. 

  


Around the morning when the air turned cooler, he decided to stop at another hostel. This one he knew very well, he stayed there a lot during his missions for HYDRA. Place was gross and suspicious, but they also kept a discretion. Tony needed to warm up and rest, they were safe. 

  
  
  
  
_**And I don't know where I'm going**_  
_**But I know it's gonna be a long time**_  
_**'Cause I'll be leaving in the morning**_  
_**Come the white wine bitter sunlight**_  
  
_**Wanna hear your beating heart tonight**_  
_**Before the bleeding sun comes alive**_  
_**I want to make the best of what is left, hold tight**_  
_**And hear my beating heart one last time**_  
  
_**I can't face this now everything has changed**_  
_**I just wanna be by your side, here's hoping we collide**_ ***  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * - Extreme Music - Get you out : https://www.extrememusic.com/albums/2612?item=43696  
> ** - Becca Fitzpatrick, Crescendo  
> *** - Ellie Goulding - Beating Heart : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wrNTOo4KH8c
> 
>  
> 
> PSSSSST. Any guess who's the HYDRA's new leader?


	9. Yours Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _So it's not gonna be easy. It's going to be really hard; we're gonna have to work at this everyday..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so this is messy, I'm sorry. I wanted to leave many unspoken things and I think I did it? Not sure. This is like prelude to the next chapter in which anything can happen~! (I'll prob surprise even myself with this)
> 
> Enjoy!

  
  
_**What if I fall? Oh,but my darling,what if you fly?**_ *  
  
  


He was firmly pushed forward. His hands were cuffed at his back, he hit a cold floor with his cheek. He laughed, when someone pulled his hair back. He felt the blood in mouth, his lips were cut. Eyelids were swollen, he barely could see. Everything hurt and if it wasn't for the pain, he would laugh loud maniacally. Laugh straight in their faces. He hissed when he got kicked in the spine. He spat blood on the shoes of someone, who was crouching in front of him. He felt a blow on the right side of the head. He slumped to the floor, trying to stop the world from spinning. The guy who was with him in the room picked him up by the collar of his jacket. 

"I'll ask again, where is _he_?! How could you let this happen?!" he heard a scream, someone was upset here. He opened his eyes and lifted the corners of the mouth upward, laughed with a rough voice. "He should be **MINE**. How many times I said I'd be better Handler..." 

"Your loverboy took him," he uttered these words with difficulty, his throat still burning after the previous tortures and laughing. "Bucky." 

"Bucky was, and still is in Stark's Tower, in New York. Your argument is invalid." 

"Cameras recorded him before he destroyed them." 

"I've seen recordings. Guy had a mask, it could be anyone. And you know what? It wasn't Bucky," he said through gritted teeth. "You'll find _him_ , Rumlow." 

Again, he was pushed to the floor. Again, a guy with blue eyes and blond hair, leaned over him. He put the syringe to Brock's neck, and applied something. It hurt. It burned his skin. It itched. He couldn't describe this feeling. He coughed, spitting out another portion of the blood. He knew very well what he was injected. It was the _accelerator_. 

"You'll find him, you got it? I want Stark back. You have a month. Only I have the antidote, only _I_ can stop your death," the man said those words with a fake tenderness. Brock felt his hand on the cheek. He pulled back, giving him a crooked smile. 

"Then you will have to make business with my tombstone, Rogers," he rose to a sitting position, looked straight into blue eyes. "Screw you. You'll never get him." 

He felt another blow. Then there was only darkness. 

  
  
  


"How many?" 

"Six? Seven? Didn't count." 

"Were you able to achieve anythin' at all?" 

"Go to the bedroom. To the right." 

So he went down the narrow corridor to the right. He had no idea what was going on for the last few days, but he woke up in some dive, on the dirty floor of the hallway. Moisture in the air was unbearable. On his way he spotted many suspiocious types. He didn't like this place, but Winter said it's safe here. Nor did he know what Winter did, but looking at the blood-stained clothes certainly it wasn't anything innocent. He wasn't happy about this, but was ready to forgive him – even if these victims would be more than ten – if he was able to obtain some useful information. Bedroom door were half open. He pushed them and went inside. And then the world has ceased to exist, his heart skipped a beat. Unsteadily he walked over to the bed, on which slept most wonderful creature in the world. He reached out a trembling hand in front of himself, and laid it down on a dark hair. 

"Tony..." he whispered, crouching at the edge, tears welled up in his eyes. Then he saw that Tony is handcuffed to the steel bars. "Why is he chained?" 

_HYDRA froze him. I didn't know how he'd react after waking, didn't want him to run away._

"You chained _my_ baby to bed...?!" 

_Ours,_ Winter corrected him, while Tony muttered something and tightened his grip on the sheet. 

"Ours," Bucky repeated, leaning over the latter. He placed a little kiss on Tony's cheek. When he pulled away, big brown eyes stared intensely at him. _He woke up._

"Who are you?" a question was asked, Tony frowned seeing his chained wrists. He jerked his hands as if to make sure it's not a big joke, hissed in pain. Then he sent Bucky a horrified look. "What you want?" 

"Sweetie, calm down," Bucky began, trying to somehow calm the other man, who tried to free himself desperately. "Calm down, I'll unchain you, okay?" 

Tony froze, stopped moving. Bucky sat astride him and reached for the keys to the inside pocket of his shirt, he felt as the genius was watching his every move. He felt his insecurity, his _fear_. When the pressure on the wrists disappeared, the fear left brown eyes. 

"Where am I?" 

"In the hostel. Guys are bringin' ladies here to mass rape them. We're safe, nobody comes here." 

"...you brought me here to rape me...?" the genius eyebrows went up, fear came back to the brown eyes and started to dance with another feeling - disbelief. Again he began to pull and jerk. When Bucky finally realized what he said, he grabbed Tony's wrists and pinned them above his head. "Get off me, you perv!" 

"No! I'm sorry, it sounded bad. I don't want to rape you. I won't harm you. Dammit, stop strugglin'!" he growled and leaned over the latter, their noses almost touched. 

"It's you... You _killed_ them..." the genius whispered, looking straight into Bucky's eyes. 

"Huh?" 

"What you want from me? Came to finish the job, aye?! Only me left, right?!" he yelled, tears shining in the corners of his eyes. 

"Tony... what... what are you...?" 

"Howard and Maria Stark. My parents." 

"Seriously? From everything that happened you had to recall **THIS**...? And I thought we were done with this topic..." Bucky's voice trailed off. That hurt. Why _this_? Why not a pleasant moment from Wakanda? He let go of Tony's hands, but still sat on him. "Tony, listen... HYDRA forced me, I didn't want this... I was just followin' the orders... HYDRA _used_ me... they brainwashed me... programmed me... Tony, look... a lot has changed since then, you helped me... Tony, I'd never harm you... I... I love you." 

"...What...? You're insane!" the genius screamed, knocking Bucky to the floor and quickly ran out of the room. However, he didn't look as scared as he was right when he woke up. He was rather confused and lost. Or so it seemed. 

Bucky ran after him, shouting at him to stop. At the _reception desk_ he reached his target, now limp in someone's arms, a handkerchief at his nose. Stranger pushed Tony's body onto him. He quickly caught the genius, sending the odd guy a meaningful, unpleasant look. 

"You lost something," the stranger said in a thick, low voice. He also threw him some small, weird box. "Chloroform and lube if you need it." 

_What the actual fuck?_ Bucky sighed, tucking the box into his shirt pocket. He spotted something disturbing in this guy. Tattoo on his forearm, HYDRA's sign. Fuck. He nodded his head and quickly went back to the room. He had to pack their things - mainly weapons and some food on the way forward. They couldn't stay here anymore. When he packed everything into small bags that hung on motorcycle's sides, he pinned Tony and drove off. He didn't know what to do next, his baby recalled the worst, and HYDRA saw them. It won't be easy, but he can't give up. After several hours of driving, he stopped somewhere on the side of a wilderness, he ran out of fuel. Body behind him moved nervously. He glanced over his shoulder at Tony, but tinted visor hid the hazel eyes. Tho he could tell Tony wasn't sleeping anymore. 

"You still want to run?" 

"...not anymore." 

"Changed your mind?" 

"You'd catch me anyway. You're an ex-Asset. You track your targets pretty well. A perfect _murderer_. Besides, we're somewhere in the woods, you going to kill me here? You could have chosen a better place." 

Bucky couldn't stand this anymore. He immediately unchained Tony's wrists, stepped down from the motorcycle and freed him from the remaining straps. He wanted to scream, he felt a burning pain in his heart. The genius lifted the visor, gave him a frightened look which only increased the pain he felt. Tony was scared of him... No, that wasn't fear. That was something else. But he always was bad at reading the feelings. Winter said nothing, he wasn't going to help him either. The situation was hopeless. 

"Then go," he waved his hand in front of him, pointing on the empty, dark road. "If you think I want to hurt you – run! Here ya go! I'd never hurt you 'cause I fucking love you! I'd rather give myself to HYDRA than let them have you!" 

"Prove that you speak the truth!" 

"You want proof? There you go," he walked over to Tony, gripped him around the waist and kissed him. He expected him to struggle, to fight and try to escape... but he didn't. Instead, the genius stood quietly, parted his lips when Bucky licked them. He grunted, feeling as heat spreads over his body. He wanted this for so long... He slid his hand under Stark's top, he felt the warmth of the skin under his fingertips. Tony sighed leaning into his touch, immediately tilted his head to the side when Bucky started to kiss and suck the spot just below his ear, leaving a mark. 

"You giving me a hickey?" 

"I'll try leavin' a mark with my lips, so no one will touch you," ** 

"Dunno why, but I believe you. Or at least I want to believe you. Actually this is odd. I feel like I know you, but... you have a name?" 

"James Buchanan Barnes. Bucky. The other _me_ is Winter, you named him," he murmured into Tony's ear. 

"Okay, James. If you don't have bad intentions what the hell are we doing in the middle of the woods? Looking for mushrooms? Bad timing, it's dark," Tony slightly pulled back, looking closely at the other man. 

"I ran out of fuel..." he whispered, barely audible. 

"How... run out?" 

"I broke your motorcycle. Fuel gauge died." 

" ** _THIS_** is **_MY_** bike? How you _dared_ to break it?" Tony asked, trying to sound serious, but soft laughter betrayed him. Bucky could have sworn that this laughter was the most beautiful he'd ever heard. 

"I love you," he confessed once again, looking straight into hazel eyes. 

"Listen, James. I know I said I feel like I know you. And maybe I did know you long time ago. I don't remember anything and I'll never will. So Brock said... so said everybody..." 

"So it's not gonna be easy. It's going to be really hard; we're gonna have to work at this everyday, but I want to do that because I want you," Bucky interrupted him grabbing both his hands which he put on his own chest, close to the heart. "I want all of you, forever, everyday. You and me... everyday."*** 

For a few long minutes hazel eyes stared at the gray, led a silent conversation. Then the conversation was continued with their lips. Tony could not remember, they could take everything from him, but they would never reach his heart. Right? Although the genius never told him how he felt about him, the day before accident he didn't even want to listen what Bucky tried to say. _Don't tell me that you love me._ They pulled away from each other only when the owls began to hoot loudly several minutes later and it was quite annoying. Bucky lifted his baby and sat him back on the motorcycle. He wrapped him in his own jacket so he'd stay warm. With left hand he grabbed a handlebar and thus they went to town located a few kilometers away. 

  
  
  


" **TONY STARK**?! We all thought you were dead!" the receptionist began, as soon as they entered a hostel. She was clearly excited by Tony's presence, and for Bucky she saved her suspicious glances. His baby, however, was disoriented, so he grabbed his hand and squeezed it tight. 

"We need a room," Bucky said harshly, interrupting her further arguments. Needless to say, she wasn't happy, right? Reluctantly, she handed him the card room. Probably she was waiting for something like _you made a mistake, we'd like to take two separate rooms not one together._ However, her glances annoyed him way too much, he gave everything to Tony and sent him to their room. "Any problem?" 

" _You_ are the problem. You're the murderer, James Barnes, right? What Tony Stark is doing with you? I'm calling the police," she said reaching for the phone, but Bucky grabbed her by the throat with his left hand. 

"Just try," he growled forcing her to meet his eyes. "Before you'll do anythin' I'll break your neck. Keep that in mind. I don't want police here, and you prob wanna live?" 

The woman was terrified, nodded her head slightly. He released her, turned and went to the room. Walking down the hall he realized what he just did, what he was capable of doing. But it was Winter who always acted this way, not him... right? _Right_? He can no longer trust himself... 

_Get a grip,_ echoed in his head. 

"It was you!" Bucky growled, leaning his shoulder against the wall. 

_Me? Nope. Tho I must say you gave quite a show there, pleasure to look at._

"I..." 

_Did you realize it's not only about you anymore? It's pretty normal you want to protect him. Besides, you're tired. I gave you maybe two hours of sleep in that brothel, not even this much. Go to him, get some sleep, fix yourself._

Bucky shook his head, rubbed his eyes and walked into the room through the open door. He spotted a card on the table, Tony left it. From the bathroom he heard the sound of splashing water. 

  


_**I have a date with a tub full of hot water.**_

  


He smiled to himself, threw a denim shirt on a chair and collapsed on the bed. Tony was slowly recovering, in any case, he made such an impression. Bucky put his face in the pillow and closed his eyes. His life rushed forward with such speed that he could hardly catch up. Not so long ago he was an assassin. Not so long ago he tried to kill his best friend. Not so long ago he was in HYDRA's base, he pulled Stark's frail body from the cryo chamber. Not so long ago they both were in Wakanda, in the workshop, they talked about books and technological opportunities. They talked... more like Tony was speaking, and Bucky was listening. But he liked this system. The genius spoke vigorously, the way he was laughing... and Bucky was observing everything that was happening. 

When he was about to fall asleep, he heard a scream, a loud splash, and then a dull thud. He immediately jumped up from the place and stormed into the bathroom. Tony was in bath, clutching his chest, he couldn't breathe. Big eyes were full of fear, looked at him pleadingly. Panic attack. Without thinking much, Bucky jumped into the bath in clothes and hugged him tightly. 

"Shhh... I'm here, Tony. You're safe. Shhh..." he stroked the short, dark hair, clinging to the latter. He was already soaking wet. No matter. "It's all right. Breathe with me." 

He rocked with him back and forth, repeating the soothing words into his ear. On the one hand he wanted to ask what caused the attack, but on the other hand he didn't want Tony to think about it. He rested a chin on his shoulder and waited until the genius will calm down. Then he told him to get out of the bath, take a towel and go to the room while he himself will clean the mess. Tony looked embarrassed, he didn't like when people saw him in such a state. When he left, Bucky had time to take off the wet clothes, hang them on a heater and wipe the floor. 

He had nothing to wear though, so he wrapped a clean towel around his hips and went to the room. But he wasn't quite prepared for what he found in the bedroom. Tony was lying on the bed, on his belly, in Bucky's shirt which had hard time to cover roundy buttcheeks. Towel was somewhere on the floor. Room was dim, light from the bedside lamp was weak. Bucky swallowed hard and as if hypnotized stepped forward. Towel started to have problem to cover up his hard-on. He stood there for a long moment, until Tony didn't realize he's no longer alone in the room. He met the hazel eyes. 

"I'm sorry I took your shirt. I was cold. Want it back?" 

"...nh," he stared at Tony speechless, surveying him from top to bottom and back. When the genius stood up, he bit his lower lip, trying to control himself. The shirt was buttoned, but he already ripped it off in his mind. "No." 

"I guess you like what you see," Tony said, smiling playfully. 

"Like?" Bucky asked, his mouth dry. He was surprised how low and husky his voice was. Towel's rough material painfully teased his erection. He hissed when Tony put a hand on him and squeezed his fingers. Seconds later he found himself lying on the bed, with his back on the cold sheets. Stark sat astride him and winked at him while playing with the button of the shirt. Bucky couldn't stand this any longer, he stretched out his left hand and tore the material, buttons flew across the floor. With a flesh hand he stroked the skin on Tony's chest, it was slightly rough there, scarred. Under that skin was a small plate of vibranium, that was covering the hole that arc reactor had left. He rose up to the sitting position and kissed that place, glancing up. Big, brown eyes were full honesty, trust and excitement. He was pushed back on the pillows, he pulled Tony with himself and kissed him. He switched their places, so Tony was lying beneath him. With wet kisses he went down below the neck, the collarbone and chest, circled around his navel for a bit, until he came to the lower abdomen, and when he finally was about to take him into his mouth, suck and taste him... 

"James... James?" Tony's voice echoed in his head. However, it was distant. Something suddenly shook him by the arm. 

He was on the bathroom floor, wrapped in a towel. _It was a dream._ He had to fall asleep from exhaustion. Tony was leaning over him with a worried expression. He was wearing his shirt, just like in his dream. His brown eyes were looking somewhere down, he followed them. He saw a very nice, huge white tent made from a towel. He sent the genius an awkward smile. "Surely you had a nice dream, didn't want to interrupt. But you can't sleep here, on the floor. Come to bed." 

"To bed?" Bucky asked, trying to hide the surprise in his voice. 

"Well, yeah. To bed. Do you want to first... you know..." Tony glanced back down at the towel. 

"Give me five minutes." 

Tony stepped out of the bathroom, closing the door behind him. Bucky sighed with relief, hitting the back of his head against the wall. He slid his hand under the towel and closed his eyes, thinking back to his dream. 

When he dealt with his _problem_ he went to the bedroom. He silently sneaked under the covers, where he found a familiar body. Tony was reversed back to him. Bucky gently touched his shoulder, moving closer to him. 

"Can I... hug...?" he asked hesitantly, not knowing what answer to expect. He just hoped he won't be kicked out next moment. Tony looked at him sideways. 

"Sure." 

So Bucky put his left hand under his head, and cuddled up to him. The smell of shower gel and shampoo hit his nostrils, the smell of Tony. Unable to stop himself he kissed the genius' neck several times. He neither said anything, nor he did move. But a moment later he froze and Bucky could feel it. 

"I thought u dealt with your problem," he said, somewhat turning to face him. 

"What..." Bucky looked at him like he was crazy, and then it hit him. Once again he was hard as hell, but this time he was poking Stark's butt. "...fuck." 

"Tell me what you dreamed about?" Tony shook his head, barely holding back a laugh. 

"...I'd rather show you," he risked, moving a hand from his chest down to the abdomen. Tony sighed, slightly thrusting back his hips. And then he felt it. Stark's boner. He looked at him with wide eyes, surprised. 

"Perhaps I also had a nice dream earlier," he laughed and turned to Bucky, who immediately kissed him. 

"I feel like I fell asleep in that fuckin' bathroom again. If it's a dream don't you dare to wake me up." 

But it wasn't a dream. His wishes finally came true. Tony Stark was _his_ in every way possible. Moaning beneath him, giving himself to Bucky... 

  
  
  


"May I ask what caused yesterday's attack?" Bucky asked in the morning. 

"Between the first Wipes _someone_ came to my room to torment me. No big deal." 

"Who?" long silence occured after this question, and when Bucky wanted to ask again – he finally got his answer. 

"Steve Rogers." 

"Tony... Steve would never do that. He's not with HYDRA. I know we all were fightin', but he _wouldn't_ hurt you. HYDRA made you think this way, but it's not true. It's just their brainwashin' thing. He never been there, _trust me._ " 

Tony raised his head and looked straight at Bucky, sent him a warm smile. 

_No one will believe you, Tony. You'll be all alone._

  
  
  
  
_**Without you my world is darkness**_  
 _ **I won't let go again!**_  
  
 _ **Open up my eyes, I need your light again**_  
 _ **Burning me inside, I need your love again**_  
 _ **I can feel our hearts collide**_  
 _ **I can feel our hearts ignite**_  
 _ **Open up my eyes, I'm yours again!**_  
  
 _ **I'm never letting go**_  
 _ **I'm yours again!**_ ****  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * - Erin Hanson  
> ** - lynch. - Maze : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8rKnqShZ2Cs  
> *** - Nicholas Sparks, The Notebook  
> **** - Red - Yours Again : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KWXXho5SRxg
> 
>  
> 
> Would anyone will believe Tony that Captain Perfect is the bad guy? And what will happen to Brock? Where is Madame Hydra? Why is Bucky going insane? Poof, magic!


	10. Hostage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the end, death claims us all...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No hate, k?!  
> Maybe Steve is not this bad?  
> Or maybe he is?  
> Someone's gonna die here... 
> 
>  
> 
> 2 chapters more aaaand we're done, wohoo!  
> Thanks for your support!

  
  


_**No one really knows why they are alive until they know what they'd die for.**_ * 

  
  
  


There was a pleasant darkness all around. He has gotten used to the humidity in the air. It ceased to disturb him that he can not move and is chained to a chair. He stopped counting days, was no longer afraid of the pain. It kept him company every day now, was his faithful buddy. The tears dried up long ago, he couldn't cry anymore. The voice was hoarse, he couldn't scream. For the long time no one came, he was starting to go crazy. Suddenly he heard a click. The door opened. In the end, someone came. 

"Tony Stark. Such beautiful. Such... _vulnerable._ " 

He raised his head, but didn't open eyes. Room and was so engrossed in the dark, he wouldn't see anything. He felt a touch on the cheek, a hand stroked it soothingly. It was Steve. He didn't know how he knew this, but he knew that's how this man is called. A fingertip moved across his cracked lower lip. 

"You have no idea how grateful I am for your sacrifice. Thanks to you _he_ is safe. Red Skull wouldn't let him live. But your life was enough to buy _his._ " Tony didn't understand, but thanks to him someone was safe, so probably it's okay? He felt a tender kiss on his forehead, then on the lips. "I got two things in one go. I saved _his_ life, and I took you away from _him_. You won't stand in my way anymore, you'll stop messing with _his_ mind. Don't worry, Red Skull soon will appoint me as your Handler. I'll show you where you belong." 

Steve's hand tightened on his throat. He clenched his fingers on the armrests, he couldn't breathe. He mumbled something through his throat. That hurt. An even greater pain he felt when something slid on his head, something that peeked into his mind. It flicked through aggressively, erased his memories, his own identity. 

  


He woke up screaming, sweating... in someone's strong arms, which immediately caused him to feel safe. _Brock...?_ They were lying, facing each other, he looked up, met gray eyes. No. It's James. _Bucky._ Brock told him that they won't see each other again... For a moment, he felt a strange emptiness, he didn't know what was happening to him. James patted him on the shoulder. 

"Honey, it's just a bad dream. I'm here with you, I won't let anyone hurt you," he whispered placing his forehead on Tony's. 

  
  
  


If to trust his intuition, he spent in this prison cell a little over a week. They locked him in a metal box filled with half-ice water. The walls were transparent, made of glass. He was able to observe what is happening on the outside. He was somewhere in the underground of HYDRA's base. If not for the fact that he was a prisoner, he could pretend he's a Houdini making a show. At first he was cold, but after a few days he got used to low temperature. The worst was to sleep standing up, so that when you wake up, the knees didn't hurt him. On top of that he began to feel the first effects of the accelerator. Skin burned mercilessly, was melting. Cold water somewhat soothed the pain. He could feel it on his hands, legs, abdomen and face. But most hurt neck. He wanted to scratch it. Suffering terribly, he knew he was _dying_ , but he wouldn't give them the satisfaction. So whenever they came to check if he finally broke, he always laughed in their faces. Now, he didn't even had the strength for this. He was hungry, he could tell that he lost few pounds during this week. Not getting food, drinking only water in which he stayed. They told him to piss here as well. If he wasn't who he was, he'd break long time ago. He couldn't get out, he tried to blow this thing, but apparently it was made of bulletproof glass. He had very much time to think. He didn't want to die, not like this. He wanted to visit his home at Lake Tahoe for the last time, say goodbye to everything... To tell the truth he never wanted to go back there earlier. It was the place where he began a new life and ended the old. End of his humanity, end of remorse. There he killed both his best friend, and his first love. In the name of what? In the name of HYDRA. _Hail HYDRA._ It was his first mission, he had to prove his loyalty. He murdered them with a cold blood, he looked them into eyes and... His home is full of demons, or at least it was. Since Tony arrived there, he looked at all this from a different perspective. Maybe he needed to go this way to find himself, or maybe it all was just a punishment. Tony changed him. The first time he was willing to sacrifice everything he had, to protect one person. Maybe... they could of stayed there... but it was too late. He became way too sentimental... He laughed hoarsely, leaning his head back and looked at the top of the glass, which reflected the dim light of the lamp. He noted, however, there was also a reflection of one's _body._ He didn't hear anyone going into this room. He looked around lazily, he saw a green coat on the threshold of the door. _Viper._ What's she doing here? She walked fast towards him and began to fumble at the lock. Moments later the lid of his prison was open, feminine hands helped him get out from the inside. 

"We have to get out of here," she whispered, taking him by the arm. "Did you think I'd leave you here?" 

"I must look pretty horrible now. So yeah, I thought you'd leave me." 

"Still damn handsome," she said after a long moment of silence. 

Brock answered with a faint smile. 

  


When they were already safe in a dark car, away from the base, Viper pulled from the clipboard a bag with sandwiches and hot tea in a thermos. She also pulled out the small, metal case and threw it all on his knees. He leaned back in the passenger seat and opened the box. In the middle lay a syringe with a white, opaque substance. He sent her a questioning look. 

"Third Part of Stark's Extremis, which was never given to him. Your antidote. I was able to steal it from the lab," she said without taking her eyes off the road. "Inject it in the neck, it will stop the accelerator." 

For several minutes he stared at the syringe. He could simply put it against his neck, apply, _stop death_. He wouldn't die. One portion for one person. He'd be able to start all over again. He swallowed hard, closed box. He couldn't. It wasn't his Extremis, it's not his life. He shouldn't get it. It belongs to Tony. He was recently unstable, despite intensifying nightmares, he slept even more. He was tired, he lost touch with reality, the Third Part of Extremis is obligatory to function normally. They never gave it to him, they were afraid of the power he would gain. That he would _defy_ HYDRA. But he has to get it, otherwise he will fall into coma. Tony was so important to Brock, that his own life ceased to be relevant. _Because it is better to rub a match and burn, but to feel something._ ** 

"I can't," he said. He saw in the corner of the eye, as Viper gives him a puzzled look. 

He put the box back onto its place, curled up on a chair and fell asleep. He needed sleep, and he didn't want to talk more. 

  


However, HYDRA found them on abandoned gas station a few days later, where they took a short break. The car exploded in the air, raising huge clouds of smoke. He hid somewhere behind co-demolished wall with guns in hands. Smoke caused terrible pain to his lungs and prevented a good vision. He heard the crack of a whip somewhere, the battle still waged. He pressed box with an antidote tightly against his chest, the greatest treasure, and allowed himself to close the eyes for a few seconds. When he opened them again, he knew what to do. He moved forwards, extending his arms. He fired blindly, some of the shadows fell dead. He was shot in the leg, somewhere in the thigh. He cursed, had trouble to maintain the balance. The second bullet hit him in the shoulder. But it didn't matter anymore, 'cause he killed them all. He felt his dying Extremis trying to heal his wounds, but the accelerator effectively restrained it. He howled in pain and fell to the ground, everything became blurred. _It's over._ He laughed, trying to ignore the pain. Viper appeared next to him, he forced a smile. Her green eyes sparkled. _Tears?_

"Are you crazy?! Inject yourself!" she yelled, shaking his healthy arm. 

" _Ophelia,_ " he rasped, for the first time using her real name. He knew using her real name will make her understand. And besides... this was a goodbye. He squeezed a metal box in his hand for the last time, then threw it onto her knees. "Find Tony, inject him. Promise me that you will. Fulfill the last will of the dying man." 

She didn't speak, tears watered her cheeks. She looked at the box with an antidote. He saw that she hesitates, think twice. Suddenly she closed her eyes, salty drops crashed against his hand, which lay limp in her lap. Around them was a deathly silence, broken only by the crackling flames. Together with the smoke, was a stench of death. She grabbed the antidote and tucked it into a small pocket on the belt mantle. She sobbed before she opened her mouth. 

"Do you want... should I... _relieve your pain_...?" she stuttered, barely uttering another word. It couldn't pass through her throat. "I... I just have... snake venom... a poison..." 

He raised his hand to his neck and tore the remnants of a shirt, cocked his head to one side giving the access to his neck. _Let it end._ She put her tiny syringe with clear liquid to his neck, but couldn't do it. He gave her a warm smile, as he pushed the plunger himself. 

"Go now, Ophelia. Find him." 

She stood up obediently, and moved forwards. She was walking somewhere ahead, leaving the fire, smoke and ashes behind. She had no idea what was happening, everything became unfamiliar, she felt numb. Her thoughts were elsewhere. Someone stopped on the road, told her to jump on the back of the car so he'll drop her off to the city. As soon as she sat down safely in the back seat, she bursts into tears. A question flashed through her mind. _Did I took you from HYDRA's base just to let you die in somewhere at abandoned gas station?_

  
  
  


It was evening, the streets of the town were full of colorful lights and dressed up people. Some autumn festival has started, which was organized by Asians living in the area. They really shouldn't stop here, but they didn't had many opportunities to enjoy each other. So they decided to stop here for a few days. The air was cool and refreshing. The chilly temperature didn't bother him, so he gave his jacket to Tony. Some asian woman offered them some treats in small boxes. Shrimp balls or whatever they called it. People dressed up as a dragon crossed their path. Everyone enjoyed here, forgetting about the whole world. They played in some games, they were dancing, they were releasing up lanterns with wishes. He didn't understand the importance of their holidays, but even if he wanted to learn something – he couldn't. Hardly anyone spoke English. They knew only basic words, but they were accommodating, so Bucky could breathe and feel a little bit safer. He grabbed Tony's hand and smiled at him. 

"Still sleepy?" he asked seeing a strong fatigue on the face of the latter. Although more and more he slept, he was getting more tired. It bothered him. 

"A little." 

They visited all the stalls, they played a game with apples. He took two cups of hot, fragrant tea and dragged Tony a little farther from the crowds. They sat somewhere on the stairs watching people dancing, skimpy clothed lady put a wreath of dried flowers on Tony's head. Also gave Bucky a white ribbon and with hands showed that he should put it on Stark. When he did as she wanted, she smiled charmingly and made a heart shape with her palms. He caught a glimpse of blush on the genius' cheeks. He hugged him and kissed his temple. They were happy. Anyway, he thought so. When he wanted to ask the woman about something, he noticed that she was clinging to her stomach. Blood dripped between her fingers, she tried to stop it but couldn't. She fell to her knees, looking him straight in the eyes. She searched for answers to the unspoken question. _Why?_ He saw a sniper on the roof of storey cottage. He wasn't aiming at the woman. He aimed at Stark. It chilled his blood. Tony stared at the dead body, already lying on the ground. Bucky saw his fear. Then screams of the crowd came to his ears. Someone was crying, someone fell dead on the ground. _Why?_ Next person was shot. He looked around, stalls were overturned, lanterns lay on the ground next to their owners. Their wishes died with them. Blood flowed in streams like a river. He saw hooded figures with knives, more snipers on the roof. They had a red mark on the front of their jackets. HYDRA. _Why?_ After all, these were innocent people. He heard a rustle behind him, he turned around. He saw another hooded figure, putting the syringe away from Tony's neck. _No._

  
  


She threw the empty syringe aside. She looked straight into the hazel eyes, stroked Tony's cheek. He recognized her, he wasn't afraid. He trusted her as much as he trusted Brock. Brock was able to sacrifice everything for him, so she also won't hesitate. She smiled faintly and hugged the genius. 

  


_Brock desperately hugged Stark before he was put into cryogenic chamber. He didn't want to let him go. Tony craved the touch. She stood in the corner of the room and watched the situation from afar. For a moment she thought it would be the best idea to leave and give them some privacy, but at that time they pulled from each other._

_"Now listen. There is a high chance we won't see each other anymore," Brock began, pausing for a moment. "If I won't be there once you wake up... you must run. Trust no one. Steve Rogers is your worst enemy. You are an important person in this world, everyone knows you, as much as they know Rogers. If you'll try to say something bad about him... No one will believe you, Tony. You'll be all alone."_

_"...not the first time. Not the last time. I got it."_

_"But I believe in you. You are a genius. You will find a way to show everyone his true identity. You will make it."_

_She saw his eyes, how Tony becomes absent for a while before entering the chamber. She saw how the Brock's world collapses like a house of cards. Everything shattered. Then he sat on the edge of the desk, unable to even look at Stark. It looked like he was thinking hard, like he was planning something..._

_"You love him," she said after a moment. He looked at her but said nothing. He didn't have to say anything, his eyes couldn't hide the truth._

  


Now she realized. Brock had already chosen back then. His own life for Stark's. He had already planned everything. It was his _farewell_. She moved away from the genius and again stroked his cheek. 

"Get out of here, Tony. You must hide... evolve. And then back to New York and tell the world that you're alive. Do not trust anyone. The enemies may be lurking everywhere." 

"What..." he stroked the place on his neck where was the needle a moment earlier. 

"Third Part of Extremis. It will help you, Tony." 

"And where is...?" 

"...I'm sorry," she said lowering her eyes. 

Suddenly she felt a strong jerk back, and stood eye to eye with the Winter Soldier. She had no time to play with him, because HYDRA began to shoot at them. There was no time left... _Not enough time..._

"Tony. Run. Now. Hide somewhere. Go home," she ordered, pulling a whip from her belt and three small vials, which she threw at him. "One each day, starting from tomorrow. It mitigate the effects of evolution. I shall take my last stand here. Now go." 

Tony wanted to say something to oppose, but she waved him off. Confused Winter pulled him away with himself. Good. She didn't want him to watch what's going to happen. HYDRA is fighting itself, bites its own head. She also knew she won't get out alive from this. But she no longer cared. If Brock risked everything then apparently Tony Stark is worth this. She didn't _trust_ the Winter Soldier, but she had no choice. She had to at least believe, all is going to be just fine. With that in mind she ran forward, aiming her weapons at HYDRA's goons. 

  
  
  


He woke up in a dark room, illuminated only by the dim light of the candles. Everything ached, he could barely open his eyes. _I died?_ When he finally opened his eyes he saw that he's connected to a pile of wires and pipes. Some machine was silently working beside him. He didn't know where is he, or what is happening around. He tried to get up, but ended up swearing at horrible pain. 

"Easy, don't move or you'll hurt yourself even more," a voice came from the end of the room, but he couldn't see who the hell was it. 

"And you are?" he rasped with difficulty. 

"I'm a doctor. I transfused your blood and took the bullets out. Snake venom saved your life, buddy. A vile virus was eating you from the inside. You should recover soon." 

"Doctor...?" 

"I found you at the gas station. Among the heap of corpses, an unpleasant sight. But you lived, so I've decided to help you." 

Snake venom saved his life. Something that was supposed to bring a quick death... Once again he tried to get up, but his efforts were for nothing. He couldn't stay here, he had to check on Tony. He had to help him. That doctor was watching him closely, clucked disapprovingly. 

"You'll hurt yourself. You need to lie down and rest." 

"Who the fuck are you?" 

"My name is..." 

  
  
  
  
_**I've been looking for a way out of this cage you've keep me in**_  
_**Your hands touch my neck as your breath creeps up underneath my skin**_  
_**I can not help but to want it**_  
_**If you want my love, come get it**_  
_**And I can not fight the grip on my heart**_  
  
_**And if love is a drug, I do not want it**_  
_**Because I do not have any self control**_  
_**The harder I try to get off it**_  
_**The more I can see that I need it**_  
  
_**And I can not break free**_  
_**From your hold on me**_  
_**Throw Away That key**_  
_**This love do not wanna let me leave**_  
_**And I'm a hostage**_  
_**And I'm a hostage**_ ***  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * - Martin Luther King Jr.  
> ** - quote fro FUTU.RE, Dmitry Glukhovsky  
> *** - Danrell X Småland - Hostage : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F9AIkWRD1EQ
> 
>  
> 
> A mystery doctor appears........


	11. Crawling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _The princess turned into a dragon._  
>   
>   
>   
>  _ **It's hard to never know**_  
>  _ **What will rise**_  
>  _ **What will never grow**_  
>  _ **It's hard to never know**_ *  
>  _ **Where's home**_ *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hai der~! 
> 
> Bucky fucks up badly here.  
> RIP.
> 
>  
> 
> One more left to go!

  
  
_**Most men would rather deny a hard truth than face it.**_ **  
  
  


"My name is Bruce Banner." 

"Bruce Banner... that... _Hulk_?" 

"That's right, you've heard of me? They apparently writing poems about me," the man laughed, sitting next to the machine which was connected to Brock. 

"Yeah. They saying you leave a huge mess behind... You do it often? I mean... taking the strays with you," he muttered quietly, speaking caused him a pain. 

"You mean saving someone's life? I don't pass indifferently by someone's suffering if that's what you mean." 

"I could be a murderer, who would slit your throat at night." 

"I don't think you could, but you're welcome to try. I have a reason to trust you," he smiled, handing him a glass of water. Brock had to make a very silly face, because the man got up and walked to the cabinet. He took from it an object and threw it on the bed. His phone, and on the screen Tony's smiling face. "Friends of Stark are my friends. You know, Science Bros stuff." 

Phone screen was a bit shattered. He took this picture a few days before freezing. They made a little picnic outside the base. If he could turn back time... he'd think of other way. He touched a cracked glass with a fingertip and glanced at the _doctor_. Had he owed life to a photography? He tilted his head back, closed his eyes and sighed. 

"You have no idea whom you saved," he said after a moment's thought. 

"Member of HYDRA. Brock Rumlow, codename _Crossbones._ " 

"What..." Brock suddenly opened his eyes and tried to get up, he couldn't believe his ears. Banner knew him, knew who he was and still saved him. He hissed, feeling a terrible pain in his chest. 

"Lie down," Bruce snapped, pushing him back gently on the pillows, through a cannula on the hand he gave him dose of painkillers. "Actually, I wanted to kill you, back on the station... as soon as I saw this picture. I knew who you are, recognized you pretty fast. But I looked through the phone..." 

"Not nice to poke at someone else's things," Brock tried to laugh, but it came out badly. Painkillers began to work, they were terribly strong, the world began to sway a little. 

"I found a recording," Bruce continued, sitting still at his spot next to the machine. "It convinced me." 

"What recording?" Brock didn't understand. 

Bruce laughed once again, taking the phone from him. He searched records in the files and when he found what he wanted, he handed the object back to the owner. Brock saw Tony on the screen, grinning widely. He was smiling as if he was doing something forbidden, sparks of happiness danced in his eyes. He looked lovely. As always. He was lying on the bed, on his stomach with a pillow under the chin. 

_"You left for the morning meeting like you were burned, late as usual. No wonder though, in the end you fall asleep and wake up with the most handsome guy in the world. I took your phone last night, you didn't even noticed,"_ said the Tony on the screen, playfully winking at him and biting his lower lip. He looked pleased. _"I wanted to record something naughty, so you would have something to watch on those boring meetings, but I changed my mind."_

Brock laughed watching this. Indeed, there was a day when he lost his phone. He remembered how he raged. He had to urgently contact the Red Skull and couldn't. He found phone much later on the nightstand in the bedroom... he thought he just forgot. And now he finds out that Tony just took it. He wasn't even mad, it was charming on its own way. Even the consequences that he met for the lack of contact with the Red Skull seemed ridiculous. But what he said later, erased his smile from the face. 

_"I know you want to freeze me. I heard your conversation with Viper. I know I shouldn't eavesdrop... it just happened. Cold cage seems to be a grim prospect... But I fully agree with that decision."_ Tony on the screen licked his lips, staring at the pillow. _"I'm unstable recently. I don't know what I'm doing. I have the feeling that I never knew. I've been having strange dreams lately, they frighten me. I see a hole in the sky, I press on towards it. Suddenly I am surrounded by a pervasive emptiness, full of strange creatures, fear paralyzes me. And then I don't know why I start to fall. Everything is over, I think I'm dying. I don't really know. Then the picture changes. I am somewhere in the middle of the forest, it's dark, I hear shots, a car crashes into a tree... a man on a motorcycle stops on his way and execute people from the car... they look familiar, Brock... so familiar... I feel like I know them very well. This killer looks at me and the scene goes blurry. I'm on a terrace in the wilderness, leaning against the railing, don't know what I'm doing there. And someone comes, embrace me... and when I turn around I see the same guy from before. That killer. He has gray eyes and long, wavy hair... I dream about him for some time now. Almost every night. He bends down and kisses me... I don't know what to do, don't know what's going on so I run. It's sick. Do you remember when I asked whether you had longer hair and lenses? It all began back then. Anyway, it doesn't matter. I... I wanted to thank you. You know, for everything you did for me. You defended me all the time, helped... Words cannot express my gratitude. If it wasn't for you, they would kill me here long time ago. Or made me a monster. That didn't happened. Thanks to you. I don't know what will happen during the freeze, you might never wake me up again so I wanted you to know this all. You know, you're important to me and..."_

_"Tony? You not sleeping?"_ Brock heard his own voice on the recording. 

_"...and you just came home,"_ Tony rolled his eyes turning away from the phone, but didn't stop recording. Brock saw himself as walks into the bedroom. 

_"You haven't seen my phone?"_

_"On the nightstand,"_ Tony said, but when the other man wanted to reach for an object, he tapped him on the hand. _"You didn't beat the dragon. Treasure comes after you defeat the dragon."_

_"Not so long ago you were playing a princess."_

_"The princess turned into a dragon."_

_"Strange fairy tale you have there,"_ Brock on the screen laughed and leaned over Tony. At some point, Stark threw back his head and moaned. Phone lying on the cabinet, gave the perfect view, every detail was recorded. _"Another nightmare, Tony?"_

_"Yes..."_ the genius sighed groping for a phone. That's when he turned off the recording. 

Brock smiled to himself at the memory of that day. They spent half the day in bed if not more. He glanced sideways at Banner, who also smiled. Well, he'd seen this video much earlier than him. Brock didn't even had a clue that Tony was making something in his phone. They loved to fatigue back then. It's just that Brock also knew that all this had the second, frightening bottom. Banner doesn't know what really happened... 

"And that convinced you to save my life?" he finally asked, breaking the silence. 

"Somewhat. It is a pity that more is not recorded." 

  
  
  


Finally they managed to get to Stark's Tower in one piece, two weeks later. They met Natasha in kitchen's doorway, her jaw almost dropped to the floor at the sight of them. Even if she assumed Stark was alive, it was a huge shock to see him standing in front of her. He didn't recognized her. Bucky would be surprised if he remembered anyone. Without saying much he dragged the genius to the shower, and at the same time Natasha prepared them a hot meal – eggs with bacon and hot tea with lemon. Only after all this, Tony had a chance to say hello to his own AI, FRIDAY. He seemed as if he remembered her, but he was so tired he could barely stand on his feet. He had not slept for several days, few times had high fever and was delirious. Bucky knew it was caused by the thing Madame Hydra injected to him, but Tony insisted that it was nothing and he'll be fine. That it wasn't anything dangerous. After the meal Bucky took him in his arms and carried upstairs to the penthouse. FRIDAY immediately opened the door, allowing him to enter. For the first time since Tony's disappearance, he could come in here. He put him into the bed and covered with a blanket. The genius immediately fell into in a dream. Bucky stroked his hair for a moment, until he heard FRIDAY's voice. 

"I kindly request that you leave the penthouse, Sergeant Barnes. I'm really grateful that your mission was a success, however, now Boss needs a rest." 

"Understood," he replied, smiling faintly. 

He didn't want to leave, he wanted to stay there but FRIDAY was right. Tony needed a rest. He no longer needed his care and protection, all that his AI could do. He felt a bit sad. He went towards his room, down the hall he bumped into Steve. He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't noticed him. 

"Hey, Buck. I was looking for you. Do you want to maybe, train together a bit?" Steve asked, giving him a warm smile. 

"Steve... it's good to see ya again," Bucky answered with a sincere, wide smile. "I have a little surprise for you, but it has to wait 'till tomorrow. So what, trainin'?" 

"Surprise? What you've done this time?" the blonde laughed, pulling his best friend towards the gym. 

They trained 'till morning, bright light entered the room through the window... 

  
  
  


Tony appeared in daily news on TV screen around noon, surrounded by the staff of journalists. He explained the matter of his disappearance, that he was HYDRA's hostage. He told everything he knew apart from some facts he couldn't say loud. Probably after the interviews there will be the investigation, and process in which Tony will regain his property rights, which previously passed on Rhodes. Brock sat in front of the TV, he was proud of him. He'd love to go to New York to help him somehow, but Bruce said that unless he recover he won't move from this place. He didn't want to mess with Hulk, really not. 

"It's good to know that he's alive," a voice came from above him. 

"He's still not safe," Brock said, burying himself into the back of the seat. 

"What do you mean?" 

"You won't believe anyway," he laughed hoarsely. Bruce, however, glared at him. "Do you know who's the new HYDRA leader?" 

"I thought there is a man called Red Skull." 

"Oh, yes. There was. Recently, it's none other than Steve Rogers. Captain America." 

Brock carefully watched Banner, who now moved to another armchair and sank helplessly into it with a beer in his hand. His eyes were absent, he was thinking about what Brock said. It surprised him that Bruce didn't begin to defend Steve. He just became silent for a few moments. 

"I've never liked that guy," he said finally. "He seemed... dubious." 

"You believe me?" Brock asked, choking on his own saliva. He didn't believe his ears. 

"There are two guys, one idealized and perfect. He never makes mistakes and is always right, or so he claims. The pattern of virtue, the world loves him. And the second, a criminal whom the world hates. He devotes his life and interests to save his enemy. Even kill his own people. Back on the station I saw only HYDRA's people, HYDRA killing HYDRA. Interesting. Your version speaks to me, although I haven't heard Steve's one." 

"So know you know why I'm in hurry." 

"As soon as you recover, we'll both go to New York. Tony needs support." 

  
  
  


Tony knew very well that eventually this will happen. That eventually they will meet each other, even though he tried hard to avoid Steve. According to the schedule he should be now on his morning jog, but instead he found him in the kitchen with the others. Leaning against the countertop cupboards, scratching Bucky's neck, clearly flirting with him... and Bucky... was pleased. That wasn't the reason why Tony was upset, though. The mere presence of Rogers was enough. _If I won't be there once you wake up... you must run. Trust no one. Steve Rogers is your worst enemy._ He felt a tightness in the chest, breathing became shallow, it dazed him. He felt fear. To his nostrils came the stench of burning flesh, he saw the chair and Rogers who was standing beside it. He was often present during the Wipes. Tony tightly grasped the counter to keep the balance. In the next second he noticed that Bucky stands next to him, trying to calm him down, he also had fear in his eyes. The genius immediately pushed him back, he was scared, this guy was a friend of his enemy. Tony forced himself to flee, stumbling over his own feet he ran ahead the corridor. Eventually he bumped into someone and landed on the floor. 

"Hey, watch it...! Tony...? Tony?!" it was a woman's voice, a little nervous, but Tony didn't had time to think this over. He was too engrossed in his own nightmare. He felt a strange warmth, everything went black. He was once again in HYDRA's base... 

Again he was sitting on The Chair, again he was chained and couldn't escape. He jerked, screaming. Panic seized him. He was meant to be safe. Suddenly someone ran up to him. The same woman he ran into the hallway. Her name was... Wanda. How the hell they were here now? In HYDRA's base? What's happening here? 

"Dear God... Tony! What they've done to you?!" she screamed trying to unfasten the straps that hampered him. 

"He's coming..." Tony whispered, closing his eyes. 

"Who? Who's coming?!" somehow she broke one lock and one of his hand was free. The door behind them opened. Steve Rogers walked into the room. "Steve?" 

_Do not worry, Tony. It will hurt only for a moment. I'll show you where you belong..._ Steve smiled, stepping closer. He ignored Wanda, as if she wasn't even there. He noticed her only when she stood in front of him, with her magic she sent him flying across the room. 

Nightmare blurred in the air, they were back on the corridor. Wanda held him in her arms and stroked his head reassuringly. She began to hum some idiotic song, but it didn't matter anymore. Soon after, Bucky found them. He ran up to them, he threw himself on his knees and immediately started to apologize. When Tony began to struggle again, feeling panic attack coming back, Wanda told Barnes to step aside, and the best would be to go to hell. Then she walked him to the penthouse, ignoring Bucky's cries. His old enemy became his support and friend. 

"I'm sorry, Tony. I entered your mind by accident," she said apologetically, when they were already in a safe place. "That was memory, right?" 

Tony nodded, unable to say anything. For a long time he silently sat on the sofa. Wanda in the meantime brought him a glass of water. But instead of drinking, he held it in his hands. 

"Don't tell anyone," he finally said. 

"What?! It must come out!" 

"Don't tell anyone," he repeated more forcefully. "No one will believe this. Besides, this is my problem, my demons to fight." 

  
  
  


Bucky woke up in the middle of the night when he heard the door of the room open. Something came inside, slipped under the covers. Someone. Someone sat astride him and began to gently rub the butt against his crotch. He wanted to shake that someone off and give him a lesson when he heard a low moan. Tony? Bucky reached out to the bedside table and turned on the lamp. Stark, indeed. He hung above him, his cheeks covered with clear blush. He was feverish. Naked from the waist up. He kept moving his hips, Bucky's dick twitched. It was sick, what happened here? Before he got carried away, he dug his fingers in Tony's hips and stopped him in place. 

"Tony, what are you doing?" he blurted out, looking straight into hazel eyes. 

"You don't want to?" 

"I do. Of course I do. But you come in the middle of the night, so suddenly..." he began, but Tony cut him off with a kiss. 

"So fuck with me," he murmured sensually. 

Something, however, was disturbing. Tony never behaved like this. Bucky pulled him away from himself. Stark raised the eyebrows, something in his eyes bothered him. They were cold and emotionless. And just now he realized Tony's movements weren't spontaneous. They were mechanical, devoid of feelings. He meant the sex, a physical contact. That's all. No feelings. No _love._ It angered him. He rolled Tony onto his back and pinned to the bed. 

"What's wrong?" he snapped, a bit too aggressively. 

"Don't pretend you care now," Tony laughed, again rubbing himself against Bucky. "Come on, I know you want this." 

"No. Not like this." 

"What's the difference?" Tony frowned, watching him closely. 

"I love you. _Love you,_ you get that?" 

"You're crazy." 

"You too. We fit together." 

  
  
  


Two weeks later, unknown place... 

"Are you telling me that..." 

"That Stark needs sex to reset himself. This is his response to the nightmares, panic attacks and high stress. HYDRA never gave him full access to the workshop, so he had to find another way. Reset is needed. It helps him to keep his sanity." 

"You know what, Brock? I think it's time to go to New York..." 

"I think so too, lot of time passed. I'm afraid something bad is going to happen." 

  
  
  


He stood on the roof of the tower, blood running from his shoulder. He was breathing hard, had no strength to continue the fight, but his life was in danger. How did this happen? He didn't know. Steve somehow got into his penthouse. FRIDAY didn't answer his calls, something bad was going on here. _You'll be on your own, Tony._ It was hard for him to compete with the strength of the supersoldier. Rogers rushed at him again. He managed to dodge, but stumbled and fell to the floor. He heard a mischievous laugh over him. He felt a kick in the ribs. He screamed in pain. He remembered yesterday's brawl, when Bucky defended Steve... With each passing day it was getting worse and worse. With each day they considered him going more crazy, obsessed... Everyone except Wanda. She knew the truth, but promised she won't say anything loud. Good. He didn't want to cause even more troubles. Steve suddenly tugged at his hair up. It hurt. Tony swore and with his last strength he forced to turnover, with a knee he hit the blonde's groin. The man doubled over, the genius used this and kicked him once again, he sent him on the floor. Suddenly he heard someone's scream. Before he had a chance to spot the person, Bucky appeared in front of him. He stretched out his hands ready to defend his friend at all costs. Wasn't it always this way? They'd die for each other. Tony knew this, but why it hurt? He was repeating he loves the genius, an empty words with no meaning. Behind Bucky lays Steve giving him a smirk. _You didn't win yet._

"Tony, what are you doin'? Calm down. He's _our_ friend." 

"Only yours," Tony growled. 

He lunged forward like a wild animal. Bucky tried to block him, but the genius was faster. He got past him and ran straight at Steve. He, however, turned on his stomach and sweeped him. Tony stumbled, didn't notice he's on the edge of the roof. At the last moment he tried to catch something, but his hands stopped to listen to him. He had no strength for anything. For a split second he saw Bucky's frightened look, that he rushed in his direction but wasn't fast enough. Tony was falling down... 

In the meantime, to the Stark's Tower roof came none other than Brock Rumlow and Bruce Banner... 

  
  
  


  
_**Crawling in my skin**_  
_**These wounds, they will not heal**_  
_**Fear is how I fall**_  
_**Confusing what is real**_  
  
_**There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface**_  
_**Consuming, confusing**_  
_**This lack of self control I fear is never ending**_  
_**Controlling, I can't seem**_  
  
_**To find myself again**_  
_**My walls are closing in**_  
_**(Without a sense of confidence I’m convinced that there’s just too much pressure to take)**_  
_**I've felt this way before**_  
_**So insecure**_ ***  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * - Michl - Tell Me The Same : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0gqSRvx1Ioc  
> ** - George R.R. Martin  
> ** - Linking Park - Crawling : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gd9OhYroLN0
> 
>  
> 
> Bucky meets Brock and it won't be nice. Everything became a huge mess.


	12. War of Hearts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Literally everything is here. Why Bucky is going insane - and constantly fucking up -, why Steve did what he did, Brock's past, and Tony's loyalty mission.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the delay, but I think it was worth waiting. This chapter is lot longer than the others. And it's final.  
> You won't like the ending I'm afraid.  
> But hey, I will write an epilogue - you can place your bets on pairing *joke*.

  
  
  
_**So you have the time of your life, what was it for?**_  
 _ **You cut me then played with the knife, walked out the door.**_  
 _ **And you say I'm a demon, and I know it's true,**_  
 _ **and you say it's a battle that you can't lose.**_  
 _ **I'm a warrior, warrior, I'm a warrior.**_  
 _ **The questions that I'm asking you won't make a bleed,**_  
 _ **and when does the lie become true for you and me?**_  
 _ **And you say I'm a demon, and I know it's true,**_  
 _ **and you say it's a battle that you can't lose.**_  
 _ **I'm a warrior, a warrior, a warrior, a warrior.**_ *  
  
  


He was falling down... he thought it takes whole eternity. Pictures flashed through his mind, everything that happened from the moment he woke up on The Chair in HYDRA's base. All the moments of terror, fear, insecurity... happiness, safety... he wanted to see Brock again, he wanted to look Bucky in the eyes, ask why he chose Steve. He knew why. Friendship above all else. He closed his eyes waiting for a collision with the ground, which still was approaching. He didn't want to die. He had so many things to do, so many questions to ask. Had no time to talk with FRIDAY and make everything clear. Yes. FRIDAY. She would help him find the answers to unspoken questions... 

"Boss?" said a voice in his mind. He opened his eyes wide. He died? He didn't feel any pain. "Boss, it's me. FRIDAY. Please, focus. You must quickly design elements of the armor." 

"Huh?" he blinked, not really understanding. A grid appeared before him, hell lots of codes, the entire system was glued to his eyeballs. As he began to create armor, it materialized on the hands and feet. He hung in the air for a moment before the collision, he was so close to the ground... He swayed, his head suddenly hurt so much, like it was splitting in half. He didn't understand anything. He looked at his hands, which were now encased in gloves with repulsors. 

"Extremis," FRIDAY's voice again rang beneath his skull. 

Extremis. The last, Third Part which Viper _gave_ him on the festival. This allowed him to create armor, materialize and summon it with a willpower. He also had an access to all his technology, could contact the AI... He closed his eyes, ignoring the dull ache, again he tried to concentrate. The next moment his whole body was covered in armor. He smiled beneath the faceplate. He felt light, free... powerful. He rose into the air and returned to the roof of the Tower. He landed on the edge, extending his hands with repulsors towards Steve. He was still lying in the same place, surprise painted on his face. 

"Stay down. Final warning," Tony said, moving a few steps closer. But then Bucky appeared before him. No, it wasn't Bucky. It was the other one. _Winter._ Tony thought the soldier is going to attack him, but instead he was pulled into a tight hug, heard the quiet sobs. Armor, which he created in a split second disintegrated into dust, disappeared in the air. He snuggled into Winter with all his strength. Suddenly Roger's crazy laugh came into his ears. 

"What is this sorcery? One of you should be dead." 

Tony glanced at him over Winter's shoulder. He didn't understand what was the meaning of this. Next to him, however, stood the person he wasn't expecting. Brock Rumlow. And behind him... Tony wasn't sure how he knew, but he could swear that other guy name was Bruce. Bruce was surprised, his eyes wide open, and Brock... was smiling. As if he knew Tony will awake his Extremis at the last moment to save his own life. Winter didn't let go of him, he paid no attention to what was happening. He held the genius tightly, as if the fate of the world depended on this. The other two men went to Rogers. 

"It's over, you lost," Rumlow said, pulling out a gun in front of him. "Stand up politely, you will go with us now." 

"You understand nothing, don't you? I just wanted to protect you, Bucky. Red Skull wanted you back in the HYDRA. He knew exactly where you were. I begged him to let go, he suggested I could bring someone in your place. Best option was Stark. I flew to New York, I had to bring him to Wakanda. And by the way, he was meant to help you. I was thinking hard before I came to my final decision. I didn't want you both to become close, and HYDRA would leave you alone after such exchange. I wanted to be Tony's Handler to make sure he will never leave the base. But they chose Brock, they said he will be stricter, more cruel. They couldn't be more wrong," he gave Brock a contemptuous look. "Rumlow went crazy, but they still didn't gave the Asset to me... Instead they gave me the leadership... I could use that to protect you more, Buck. I tried to get rid of Rumlow after, but apparently did not work out. Though I wasn't expecting Madame Hydra's betrayal." 

"Silence," Winter snapped firmly, not looking at Steve. He was still holding Tony in his arms. When the genius wanted to move, Winter stopped him and squeezed harder, he dug his metal fingers painfully into soft skin. "Don't move. Stay. Just like this. Good boy." 

Tony too scared to move, stood there. He didn't know whether Winter won't go insane soon and fall into some kind of wild rage. Nevertheless, he felt extremely safe with him. After all... Moment later he saw Brock tugging Steve's shirt. Rest of the group came onto the roof, they took Steve hell knows where. Police came, a huge mess took place. Brock gave him an uncertain look, he didn't want to leave him with Winter alone, but Tony just nodded. _I'll be fine._ Soon after, Winter carried him into the bedroom, covered him with a blanket and sat down on the edge. He was watching over him like a sheepdog. Everything that happened today... it all happened so fast. Tony quickly fell asleep, he was exhausted. In the morning he learned that Steve is already in a security prison. He was charged for working with a terrorist organization, and soon the process will begin. 

  
  
  


Tony insisted Brock should move to the Tower, and so he did. He was always present during breakfast or some group activities. Often visited the genius in the workshop. Bucky wasn't very happy about this. To be fair, he was furious. Several times he pushed the ex-HYDRA member in the corridor, several times he made him a scene. Some fighting happened in front of the others, in front of Tony... Rage took on momentum when Tony defended Rumlow. But after a few hours, anger has been replaced by emptiness, a feeling of hopelessness... Bucky wasn't surprised that Tony took Brock's side. In the end that guy trusted him while he, Bucky, didn't... He hit a punching bag again. He was at the gym, as usual anyway. He spent here half of the time, away from the others. He couldn't forgive himself. Tony told him many times what Steve had become and he never listened. _I know a completely different Steve,_ he told himself, but it didn't help. Steve changed, and he didn't notice, on top of that he didn't believe the most important person in his life. The person Steve tortured. He felt a twinge in his heart, fear crept in there quietly. He was scared. He was afraid Tony will just go away. That he will leave him alone... _Caress your fear._ ** He didn't know what to do. He sank helplessly to the floor and buried his face in his hands. _What now?_

In the evening, everyone gathered in the living room before the big TV and the console. They were going to play some games together. Of course, Brock was there, couldn't be otherwise. Brock was the main attraction, they wanted to integrate him with the group. Bucky sat back in his chair and watched the whole situation. He didn't want to play, he had no desire for anything. He didn't even know why he came here at all. Tony finally entered the room, late as usual. Even though he forgot about all his life, his behavior remained like it used to be. Bucky smiled involuntarily. Natasha immediately grabbed the genius by the arm and dragged on the couch to play with him a few rounds. Everything would be fine if Brock didn't tried to touch _his_ Stark again and again. Nothing big, you would say, just a pat to the shoulder, gentle push... but he never stopped. Bucky couldn't stand it. He couldn't just look at this. _Embrace your rage._ ** He got up and with left hand he grabbed the guy by the collar of his shirt and threw him against the wall. Insanity gathered beneath his skull. _Kill him._ He heard someone's scream from behind, someone tried to separate them. At one point, Tony barged between them. He tried to push him away, but it didn't work out. It all happened so fast... 

"Bucky, stop it!" Tony shouted, shaking the other man's shoulders. 

"What's wrong with you?! You let him touch you like a cheap slut?! You fuck with him too?! Fucking _whore!_ " it escaped his lips before he could first think. What the hell, he didn't think this way... 

"Bucky..." Tony whispered, so much pain in his voice. 

"Tony... I... I'm sorry... I... I don't..." he began, but it was too late to take it back. Tony left the room, went to his workshop. Rumlow followed the genius, giving him a scornful look. Dead silence filled the room, everyone quietly escaped to do their own stuff. Evening games were finished. _What have I done?_

  


He couldn't sleep at night, tossed from side to side. Guilt ate him from the inside. He tried to get to the workshop, kneel and apologize, but entry was denied for him. FRIDAY's cold tone said that her Boss doesn't want visitors. He wanted to cry. In the morning he took a pack of crackers from the kitchen, a bottle of water and went to the gym. He tried to shut down himself. _Stop thinking._ He trained, beat a punching bag with all his might, imagining that bag is Rumlow. _It's all because of him. If he wasn't here, nothing bad would have happened._ He struck again, the sound of broken bones came to his ears. Next second he felt a piercing pain. But it was way smaller than the one he had in heart. He sat on the floor, waiting for the bone to mend. 

"You finally realized you don't deserve him? You sure took your time," came a voice from behind, Bucky gritted his teeth, recognizing the owner. 

"You think you deserve?" he growled, not even turning to the latter. He felt a familiar scent. Tony's scent. 

"Certainly more than you do. At least I don't think he's a whore." 

Idea of running up to the guy and beat the shit out of him was so tempting. Bucky had hard time to manage his hatred and fury. He bit his lip, until he felt blood on the tongue. _Kill him,_ echoed in his head. Instead, he stood up, turned to Rumlow and gave him a crooked smile. He took a few steps forward, walked past him and headed towards the exit. He stopped at the door. 

"That's _mine_ Stark. Look for your own." 

" _Yours?_ I don't think he is a thing you can acquire. You're pathetic. Good thing is, you decided to hit bag here, than him in the workshop." 

Bucky clenched his fists and walked out before he lost control of himself. He would never hit Tony, wouldn't hurt him... He regretted what he had said the day before. If he could, he'd turn back time and do things differently. 

  
  
  


Brock couldn't believe what he had heard the previous day. He had no idea what kind of man is Barnes, knew him only as HYDRA's Asset. He wasn't expecting too much of him, but he wasn't expecting something like this. He could understand this idiot could be a little jealous, but not furious like this. The blame fell on poor Stark. He didn't know why he went to the gym this morning, he knew Barnes will be there. The conversation turned out to be futile, as expected. He learned earlier that the former Assassin treats Stark objectively, he felt a growing hatred for the man. Since that _fight_ Tony wasn't leaving his workshop, not even for a breakfast. Brock tried to get in there, but it didn't work. FRIDAY blocked the entrance, Tony wanted no one with him. Somehow he felt guilty that all of this happened. Maybe if he kept a distance... Bullshit, it wouldn't work. Barnes was unbalanced, sooner or later he would go insane. Worst thing was Tony took it to the heart. Brock knew there was something between Tony and Barnes, everyone kept repeating this too. But if there was something earlier, it was long gone, turned into dust. Anyway, he thought so. And situation from yesterday only strengthened those beliefs. Once again, he found himself before the entrance to the workshop, knocked to the door. FRIDAY was silent this time and when he was about to go back upstairs, he heard a click. The door opened, he got an access to the forbidden world. He went in cautiously, looking around. Darkness surrouding the room was lightened by the computer screens. Desk was littered by the nuts, screwdrivers, pieces of armor, motor oil graced the floor – although he could create stuff _online_ now, he liked to play with the old toys. Tony sat on the couch, had swollen eyes from crying. Brock quickly walked over to him and wrapped a frail body in his arms. _What should I do?_

"Tony..." he began, but soon was silenced with a wave of the hand. 

"I'm fine. Temporary indisposition. I'll get some sleep and everything will return to normal. Something happened?" 

"Too much going on lately. Steve's process, Barnes is a jerk, nothing is good. It's friday. I suggest a weekend trip. Away from people." 

"Tahoe?" 

"Yes. You should get some rest. What do you think?" 

"Maybe this is not such a bad idea." 

Brock nodded and a few hours later, already packed, they both went to the lake. They haven't told anything anyone, let them guess. In this way, Bucky had no chance to make another fuss. Tony was quiet all the way, staring out the window. When they were on the long, straight road, Brock put a hand on the genius' knee. Hazel eyes looked at him, tired and red, ready to cry more. Tony faked a smirk, who he wanted to fool? Brock, or himself? When they arrived to their destination the sun was high in the sky, the wind rustled the leaves, knocking them out of the trees. The genius first left the car and went to sit under a tree, near a bridge. Brock took the suitcase from the trunk and threw it carelessly into the house through the smashed door. _House_ looked like a decaying ruin. All memories of this place were also in ruins. He himself was in pieces. Everything fit together. He let Tony alone, he needed it. Alone, away from the people and the city. Brock at that time brought branches to set a campfire, prepared food and blankets. Then he made a two cups of hot tea for both of them. Tony finally came to him, took the cup in his hands and sat down. He still didn't speak, so Brock he decided to start a conversation. 

"I got this house inherited from my grandfather years ago. He died when I was little, didn't even know him. Everyone thought when I'll get my own family I'll bring them here on the weekends. But everything turned out differently. I came here for the first time with my girlfriend and a friend soon after I joined the HYDRA." 

"Why did you join the HYDRA?" Tony interrupted. 

"Came into conflict with the law, the police chased me. It was a small robbery, I don't know why I did this. My family wasn't rich, we lived in a poor neighborhood, sometimes we had no money for food, but that wasn't the reason. Maybe I was looking for adrenaline? I don't know, Tony. I was lost. A guy helped me to hide, said he know a place I could stay in longer. That he's able to give me the strength and weapons I want, if I'll go with him. So I followed. The offer was very tempting, but the price I paid later was too high. I met a guy named Red Skull, he wanted a proof of loyalty. He told me I must kill my best friend and girlfriend with my own hands. The guy who recruited me, came with me, he had to make sure I won't fuck up. We... we came _here._ " he paused, swallowing hard. He took several deep breaths and continued. "I killed them both. I will never forget her eyes, to the very end she was unaware of what was happening. When she sank to her knees, when she was already dying, she said _Let God forgive you_... I buried them in the woods nearby. After this I never came here again. Everything is falling apart here, but I can't imagine renovating the house. Here lie my demons, the end of a story and the beginning of a new one. I showed up here again with you and Viper. We needed to stay somewhere, nothing else came into my mind. The first time I came here was when I tried to join HYDRA at all cost. And the second... I was making a plan to leave it. Fate's irony. Viper, however, couldn't make it... I don't want to go too sentimental over her, we both deserve to die like no other. But I'm alive, thanks to her. I still carry a cross on my back, blindly walking forwards, not knowing what to expect." 

"You should sell this shack," Tony said, impaling several marshmallows on a wooden stick. "Too many bad things have happened here. Just don't tell anyone you killed people here, 'cause no one will buy it. You don't need problems. You live now with me, I think you have everything you need, if there is something missing..." 

"I can't stay with you," Brock interrupted, finishing his tea. He put a cup on the grass and sighed. "Me and Barnes are from two different worlds. Fire and ice, we can't stay in one room together, unless you want someone to get hurt. It was a good solution to start with, Tony. But I think you can see that it's getting worse. You should get rid of one of us, best to kick out both. You deserve more, especially after what happened in your life." 

At this their conversation practically ended. Tony either had no idea how to answer, or simply didn't want to continue. They stayed at the lake until late Sunday's evening. Tony caught a grip, got his shit together. He relaxed, forgot about problems, and began to spread endless stories. They returned to New York at night. 

  
  
  


Bucky finished the training at four in the morning, when he was no longer able to stand on his own legs. He walked slowly towards his room. He felt hopeless. Lost. He had everything and lost everything. _Tony went somewhere with Rumlow._ He left no message, didn't take his phone with him. Nothing at all. He cut off from all of them. First Bucky was angry, but then he realized that it was the end of his fairy tale. Everyone avoided him, they were afraid of him. In the end he acted like a madman. He didn't know why he was losing control. He wanted to blame Winter, but it wasnt his fault. Something was wrong, Banner took samples of his blood for some tests. Maybe not all was lost, maybe he could get Tony back... He finally reached his floor. The door of his room was slightly open, that was surprising. _I forgot to close, not a big deal._ He sighed and stepped inside. He didn't turn the lights on, no longer had even the strength to go into the shower. _I'll do it when I wake up,_ he promised himself. He undressed and crawled under the covers. But something troubled him. Blanket on his left was slightly moving. He glanced in that direction, it seemed that someone was here. He wanted to get up, turn on the lights and throw away the intruder. But maybe he was in a wrong room? Falcon had his room next to him. He looked around nervously, on the windowsill lay the knife, on the cabinet was an old-fashioned alarm clock. In an open closet hung his clothes. That was his room. Suddenly, he felt strangely familiar weight at his left side. Someone's leg was on his stomach, head on his shoulder. Soft, short, dark hair... 

"Tony...?" Bucky mumbled, unable to believe what he saw. 

"You fidgeting so terribly I can't sleep," he said, nestling even deeper into the body of another man. "On top of that you came late and you're sticky with sweat." 

"What are you doin' here...?" 

"This is also my bed. Well, unless you kicked me out. I wouldn't be surprised. Who would want a whore in bed..." 

"Tony, don't say that. I'm not thinkin' like this," he replied sharply, tears rolled in his eyes. He embraced Stark with all his strength. "Don't leave me. Please..." 

"I'm not going anywhere." 

"Tony, I'm sorry... I didn't... I don't know what's happenin' to me recently, I hate Rumlow, I want to go and kill... I'm so sorry... I'll change, I promise... just please don't leave me... I can't live without you... I love you... I love you so much it hurts..." he tightened the grip on Tony's shoulder, kissed him on the forehead with an incredible sensitivity. "Please tell me it's not a dream... and you'll still be here when I wake up..." 

"This is not a dream, Bucky. I'll be here in the morning." 

Bucky fell asleep holding Tony tight in his arms. Morning, however, proved to be his greatest nightmares. He woke up alone. He groaned pitifully, he wanted to cry right now. He turned on the side and closed his eyes. He didn't want to get up or take a shower, or even going down for a breakfast. He lost him, right? He just had another silly dream which just played with his weakness. He heard a click on the door, but didn't even turn around. He was not going to get out of the bed. It probably was Natasha, from the very beginning she was worried about him. He felt a touch on his forearm. It was gentle, but the hands were too big for a woman. He wanted to turn around, but he was afraid to see Falcon there, or even worse – Clint. But someone slipped under the covers and clung tightly to his back. This can't be... 

"Going to spend a whole day in bed?" quiet laughter came to his ears. 

"Tony...?" 

"You thought I'd run away in the morning? I told you it wasn't a dream, and I'll still be here. I went to pee. I wanted to take a shower with you. I thought you would want to do it together. Unless you're disgusted." 

Bucky turned slowly. Tony lay in front of him, smiling. A little uncertainly, as if he was afraid he was going to be thrown away. Bucky felt a twinge in his heart, he instantly embraced the genius. So it wasn't a dream after all, everything was true. He was here. With him. He sobbed quietly, burying his face in the crook of Tony's neck who was now comfortable lying on top of him. The scent of the latter struck his nostrils, drugged him temporarily, the world spinned. He muttered happily and rolled Tony on his back. 

"I'm not disgusted. I love you, Tony. I care about you," he whispered, nibbling the lower lip of his lover. "You're mine. _Mine._ " 

  
  
  


After a very pleasant morning Tony dragged Bucky into the kitchen. Bruce was already there, waiting for them. He saw a surprise in the gray eyes. He made coffee for all of them and sat down on top of the table. For a moment there was an awkward silence, soon after Natasha joined them. 

"I think I found the cause of your bouts of aggression, James," Bruce began after a moment. "I discovered this by accident. Earlier, out of curiosity, I wanted to examine Tony's Extremis. There are interesting chemical reactions between your supersoldier formula and his virus." 

"What's that supposed to mean?" Bucky asked and placed his right hand on Tony's knee. 

"Tony triggers your attacks of aggression. His Extremis is still in its infancy, is uncontrollable. And dangerous. We neither can see, nor feel it, but your formula is drawn to the Extremis like a moth to the light. Probably it also affected Steve. Extremis is a vile virus, has an impact on negative emotions, strengthens them. Only if Tony allows it to flow freely." 

"I'm not goin' to avoid Tony, if this is what you tryin' to say," he snapped, glaring at Bruce. 

"Come here," Tony whispered, stretching out his hands to the other man. Bucky reluctantly stood up and approached him. Once he got lost in the tight hug, anger left him. "Brucie-bear, any ideas how to fix it?" 

"Fix it? Tony, it's up to you. You must learn to control your Extremis. He feels anger, when you are uncertain or scared. At least that's what I'm thinking. Extremis and supersoldier formula are similiar, have similar DNA molecules, but _his_ code is more vulnerable. It looks like HYDRA wanted to bring James back through you." 

Tony sighed, resting his chin on Bucky's shoulder. He purred in response and tightened his grip. When Brock came into the kitchen out of nowhere, everyone started to panic. Natasha began waving her hands, tried to tell him to leave unless he want to start a fight. Anyway, this was what everyone expected. A fight. Bucky only glanced at the newcomer, didn't react. Neither rushed at him with fists, nor said anything. He stood quietly holding the genius with him. Tony exchanged glances with Banner. Beast was put to sleep, but for how long? How could he learn to control what was now living inside him? He glanced at Brock and despite a smile, he saw a spark of pain in his eyes. 

"Bucky, can I borrow Stark for a moment?" Nat asked, getting up from the table. Bucky reluctantly let go of him. Before he left, he whispered into his ear that he will be in the room. Nat didn't wait, she forcefully dragged him by the sleeve to a more secluded place. "I saw you with Rumlow at early night. Tony, you have to choose one of them. It can't go on like this. They are dangerous." 

"I know," he growled in response, pushed her away and went to the workshop. The conversation was over. He spent there a whole day, and then... he finally decided. 

  
  
  


He didn't know why he was here, but he felt that he had to come to this place. He had a things to do. He had to finish a chapter, as Brock did earlier. His first mission. _Prove your loyalty._ Virginia _Pepper_ Potts. He learned that she was once his fiancee but they parted. He killed her, right? He remembered nothing from that mission. _Wipe must have been very strong._ Tony was at the cemetery, stood in front of the tombstone. 

" _I didn't want to find you. I was afraid that our meeting will look like this, that's why I delayed it as long as I could. I don't know about what to talk with the dead – or how... Let's do it like I call you. Like we talk on the phone,_ "*** he paused, laid a bouquet of flowers on the ground and sat down, thought for a moment about what he wants to say. "Hi, how are you? We haven't talk for a years. I'm doing pretty well, I'm trying to re-arrange my life, although memories of HYDRA are still hauting me. Everything is complicated. Steve went mad, sold me to HYDRA, apparently he was one of the few of my friends. It seems to me that I missed a lot of important facts. I still don't know many things... HYDRA created a virus for me, they wanted to turn me into their weapon. It failed, but this virus only made things worse. Steve tortured me, they didn't make him my Handler because they were afraid he would kill me. The court wants to sentence him to freeze, the final trial is next week. But I don't want to talk about him... not yet. I'm not ready. I regained my ownership rights, Stark's Tower is mine again. They returned everything to me. I think. FRIDAY really helps me to clear the mess in my head. You know, now we can contact with each other non-stop. I have access to my technology 24/7. I can create armors, summon them... it's a great feeling. I don't even know how to describe it. In a second you're powerful, safe... no one will hurt you anymore. But even that is not able to scare away the nightmares that wake me up at night. It's probably my past, memories that keep returning... A little of my past came back, I _believe_ that those are the memories... I don't know. I can't distinguish the truth from a falsehood. Nothing I'm not sure, but I'm trying to get a grip. At least in front of the others. Maybe I'm creating a false image, but they don't need to know. Was I always like this? Two people came into my life. You know... I fell in love... in one of them... in another man. It's probably quite a big change in my life. I'm kinda scared. Natasha told me yesterday to choose... is it not obvious? My heart belongs to one of them, it always been. Neither I nor he, had a colorful past. Both in HYDRA... We both lost someone, someone close. I'd like to spend rest of my life with him, do you think I can do it? FRIDAY told that all my relationships didn't last long. I guess I'm too annoying. But I'm sure of one thing. I love him and would do anything for him. He think the same about me... heh. It is a pity that I was not able to do anything for _you._ You're here now because of me... I didn't want it. I really didn't, I had no idea what I was doing. I don't even remember anything. I was regularly brainwashed. At least at the beginning. I wish I could go back in time and fix it, but it's impossible... Wait, someone's calling me... it's _him,_ he's probably worried... I'll call back later. I haven't talked with him since yesterday. I ran to the workshop and stayed there like a coward. I wanted to talk to you before I make an official decision. You know, you should meet him. His name is B-" 

"Tony?" he heard a woman's voice from behind. Damn familiar. Slowly, he turned in that direction. 

"...Pepper?" he gulped seeing a beautiful woman with a ginger hair. She came up to him and hugged him. 

"It's good to see you again. I'm glad you made it." 

"But... but... how?" 

"Your mission Tony. It failed. You couldn't kill me. Brock Rumlow told me to run away and come back only when it'll get safer. I... I know everything, Tony. I know what they did to you. I'm sorry. But it's better, right? I heard you said that you fell in love. I'm sorry I showed up so late, I should come sooner." 

"You missed a lot of things," he smiled weakly. 

"I want to know everything." 

"Well... it all began when I've decided to go to Wakanda..." 

  
  
  
  
_**I can't tell but love you**_  
 _ **Even though I try not to**_  
 _ **I can't tell but want you**_  
 _ **I know that I'd die without you**_  
  
 _ **Stay with me a little longer**_  
 _ **I will wait for you**_  
 _ **Shadows creep**_  
 _ **And want grows stronger**_  
 _ **Deeper than the truth**_  
  
 _ **I can’t help but be wrong in the dark**_  
 _ **Cause I’m overcome in this war of hearts**_  
 _ **I can’t help but want oceans to part**_  
 _ **Cause I’m overcome in this war of hearts**_ ****  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * - Raphael Lake - Warrior : https://www.extrememusic.com/albums/2612?item=43700  
> ** - Those are Y'Shaarj whispers in World of Warcraft game  
> *** - quote from FUTU.RE - Dmitry Glukhovsky  
> **** - Ruelle - War of Hearts : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=49ZhrgtR-S4
> 
>  
> 
> And his name is B. Can be Bucky, can be Brock. Don't be mad, I love you all.


	13. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hai der~
> 
>  
> 
> We done, right? Yeeeee.

  
  


All the lights went out, there was only darkness. It took several minutes before the emergency power turned on. There was a dead silence all around. Like all life dissapeared in matter of seconds. He leaned back against the cold wall and listened. From a distance came the sound of footsteps. A little slow, but rhythmical and certain. This one is neither in a hurry nor not going to turn back. It stopped only a few steps away from him. Although the walls were burning with red lights, he was not able to see _who_ was standing in front of him. He saw only a shadow of a figure. It was a man, probably shorter than him. Pleasant scent of perfume filled the air, but there was also something else... He bit his lip, knew the smell. A shiver went down his spine. He felt like a drug addict on the hunger. He wanted more... He knew who is standing before him. He got up slowly and walked toward the newcomer. 

"You shouldn't be here," he said, looking at the hooded figure. 

"You also shouldn't be here." 

"How you came to such conclusions?" he laughed extending his hand forwards, he knocked the hood from the head of his guest. Big, brown eyes looked straight at him. _Tony Stark._

"Keep your lies to yourself, Rogers. I know everything. You didn't want to swap me with Barnes, you didn't want to sell me to HYDRA. It was an accident. I don't know why you're lying, but I'll find this out too." 

"No, I didn't want. They thought Bucky was on that plane. That I was trying to run away with him. But he wasn't there. I was sending messages to HYDRA that _you_ were on a plane, but they didn't believe. After this I wanted to get you out from there, but things turned out differently." 

"What happened in Wakanda?" 

"Someone was there with us. I still don't know who. He was watching us. One day I noticed, I chased him... he shot me, don't know what it was. In the neck, a substance with some kind of gas." 

"It was Extremis. The free form. Uncontrollable." 

"I don't think I understand." 

"They were testing things. Extremis provokes aggression. You can try to control it, but only Extremis itself can help you. HYDRA injected me this in the first day I got there, it releases a pheromones that affect the supersoldier formula. When it is uncontrolled, the consequences are tragic. But when it is under control..." Tony fumbled briefly at the lock of his _cage_ and opened the door. Steve pushed the crate aside and threw himself on the genius, this time friendly. He squeezed him with all his strength. 

"I missed you, Tony." 

"I missed you too." 

"I'm sorry for everything." 

"Why did you lie? Why didn't you tell the truth?" 

"And who would believe me? I couldn't believe myself. I had no excuse for my behaviour, I acted irrationally. It annoyed me, I was furious. And with you I was even more angry. In a moment I wanted to kill you, and then for those thoughts I wanted to punish myself in some way. And later I hurt you. Consciously. I regret it. I always did. And it caused me pain. I was hurting both of us. I'm so sorry, everything that happened to you was my fault. Maybe if I was more careful..." 

"It wasn't your fault. From now on it can only get better. Now... we need to get out of here before they realize that I turned off the power and stole the captain out of the cell." 

"And how... you get along now? You know... are you with _him_? I know I messed up things between you two. I didn't want to." 

"This...is probably a story for another time, Cap." 

  
  
  
  
_**Shouldn't be this hard**_  
_**at the seams, I fall apart. . .**_  
  
_**the world to me is dark...**_  
_**in it I've bled a liars heart.**_  
  
_**I wear this halo and it sets my soul on fire.**_  
_**All I hear are the echoes and the chills run down my spine.**_ *  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, we're done. I'm leaving the _true ending_ in your hands. 
> 
> All was messy, I wasn't revealing anything 100% and let you guess but I think that's good! Steve was never pure evil character (I personally love Stony) tho he deserve some Hulk smash. 
> 
>  
> 
> I want to know your opinions before I start to write a 2nd fanfic (also WinterIron but totally different) - http://archiveofourown.org/works/8117623/chapters/18607006 ;)  
> Cheers everyone!
> 
>  
> 
> * - Indroves - Halos and Echoes : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GdVwg9FOjPg

**Author's Note:**

> English is not my native language so correct me if I'm wrong. I'm learning more via writing/translating :)


End file.
